i used to use the expression, but it was always in reference to violent self destruction, or suicide.
it's ironic, but i can't imagine killing myself now, consciously and purposefully. i am still self destructive. like, a few weeks ago, i was driving back from the mountains so fast that if one thing went wrong, it would have all come to an end in an instant. or if a cop would have flagged me, i would be in jail right now. people who where going 120 were like sitting ducks as i passed them.
so, i mean to say, i am no healed, eye-scale-free humanist. but i still don't want to die.
but this thread wasn't about death, was it?
perhaps back when i was a witnoid, and i would say "If it wasn't for Jehovah, I wouldn't be here", no one understood what i meant. it's possible, for sure, considering some of the people i knew. perhaps they thought i was talking about the org, as i hung six stories above the street from my balcony, laughing.
i used to also say: "if it wasn't for the truth, i'd be sleeping in a ditch in mexico right now." which isn't so far from the real truth, now that i am out. no offense to anyone who is just humming along hunky-dory.