I've been wanting to post updates for awhile, but I have been paranoid that my posts would make it too easy to identify me. Right now I don't care, so here's what's happening if it's helpful for anyone else who is trying to fade.
First of all, as of my last update I was still hanging around some of the witnesses socially and it came back to bite me. After that mess, I pretty much gave up on even trying to pretend I can have much in common with most of the people at the hall. When I see a witness that knows my family, I don't let on that I am inactive, but that's about as much as I try.
A few weeks ago, I went to the hall on Sunday because my father - in -law had the public talk. I went with a goatee; I'm sure I don't need to tell you what kind of stares I got. I made a point to wear my best suit; I didn't want to play into the "he's inactive so now he's a slob-loser" mentality I have heard a million times. I was going for more of a "I can wear a goatee and still look cleaner than half the brothers here" look. The few normal people at the hall were nice and acted genuinely glad to see me, but the rest seemed to look at me like: "What are you trying to pull?"
I did not attend the circuit assembly for my old congregation, but I found out that my neighbor who is a witness (new witness, thinks he the righteousness police) told several people that he is worried about my associations, because he has seen me hanging out with "long haired, bearded people". (Hmmmm....Jesus maybe????) Petty, I know, but it pissed me off. If I had any long haired, bearded friends, I would be proud to be seen with them. It is only by coincidence that all of my close friends are more clean cut than me, which means he made it up or is just crazy.
The day after I heard about that crap, I came home from dinner with my wife to find that an elder from the hall had put his business card inside my car shoved into my steering wheel with a note saying to call him. This same brother has stopped by quite a few times unannounced, but I never answer the door. He also keeps calling me persistently.
The first brother, my neighbor a couple doors down, had a big superbowl party and invited everyone from the hall, including my father-in-law. He did not invite me. (Remember, he is so worried about my association.) I was so fed up with everything that I had my own superbowl party. I only invited all of my friends who are inactive. One of them is disfellowshipped and is also the son of the elder who put the business card in my car. At halftime, we went out front where we could be seen and threw a football around.
I'm just waiting to be contacted, because I don't think there is any way I wasn't seen with my disfellowshipped friend and all my former jw friends. It might have been a stupid thing to do, but I am just so damn fed up with living this way. Sometimes it seems like it would be a relief to be disfellowshipped.
Thanks to anyone who read this, and sorry about the length. You guys are great. Right now this board is where I get my support when I am feeling outnumbered, and I am thankful for it.
