What has hurt you the most for being a JW?

by MsMcDucket 41 Replies latest jw friends

  • HiddenQuestioner

    Now it’s my turn. (Sorry in advance for the long rant)

    My harm was divorce JW-style and its aftermath. Because of the strict JW rules on divorce and the fact that unfaithfulness can be used as the excuse for divorce, it was easy for my 1 st wife to cash in on the marriage and our real estate equity (built up over 10+ years). Raised a JW and being an idealist I waited until my late 20s to find love with that “special person” to share eternity with. So, I fell deeply in love with this attractive woman who could charm the socks off any man. Both of us being in the “truth” caused me to trust her and I tried my very best to be the good loving Christian husband and Dub I had been taught to be. In fact, everyone seemed to acknowledge our love for each other, as we all thought (including myself) that we were very happy throughout our 10-year marriage.

    Looking back I realize I had a target on me, as she knew I was a horny, trusting, naive Dub who brought to the marriage a large new house, equity and a good job. I saw her as the girl of my dreams that I could rescue from, what I was told, was a previous “unfaithful brother” JW marriage to a new one of worldwide work related travel with me. So, over the next 10 years I proceeded to shower her with love, devotion, trips, good friends, a beautiful home and an open check book. In return I got the great feeling of being in a loving relationship with my best friend. Hence, being betrayed by your best friend companion was/is hard to take.

    In the end it was the Borg’s policy of “divorce possible for unfaithfulness” that became the easy “tool” for my wife to invite 3 elders to our house so as to feed the elders and her invited father’s sick minds (i.e. your guilty until proven innocent). Her crying “act” before elders was enough to convince them of my guilt. Later, her other JW family members and friends were feed the same sick lies about my morality and everyone was quick to believe (some claiming I was gay). This slander left me homeless (she demanded the house be sold), without the wife/friend I thought I had, angry, hurt, alone, feeling worthless, my life in shambles and somehow feeling guilty for a “crime” I did not commit.

    Then came the years of forced celibacy, as I tried to fulfill the JW mandate of singleness until I could prove HER unfaithfulness, if ever. It was hell, as people looked at me as if I had leprosy. This game of sexual and relationship chicken resulted in me caving in to an aggressive sister who became my 2 nd wife. I am still trying to recover from my losses, the loss of my ex-wife and her large extended family, which once loved and respected me. And all this is emotional turmoil and baggage that may be damaging my 2 nd marriage. I wonder how many other JWs have been betrayed and “played a fool” like me.

  • just2sheep

    being proven right about all the things i suspected before i became a jw... i do not regret what i've done, but sometimes the degree to which my suspicions have been proven right is overwhelming... due to an extremely abusive, non jw, childhood i've never thought people(with a few exceptions)could be trusted to do anything that was in my best interest or who would not hurt me in any way neccesary to further their own petty interests. and so far i've been proven right. and yet i've always hoped that someday life would be as it could be, as it should be. the actions of the organization in general and individuals in particular have just driven another nail in the coffin that holds those hopes...the jws are not the worst thing that ever happened to me. by and large they are just another piss ant group of jerks who are way too important in their own eyes. the only power they have over us as individuals is the power we give them. i see my story in so many of the posts on this board, both the bitter and the sweet, and i want to help each and everyone but the best any of us can do is to listen and try to understand...i'm sorry if i've stumbled off the trail that is this thread but once again the thing that has hurt me the most is being proven right. i hate being right about these things...

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