JW husband destroyed my life (page 2)

Chimene

Oh yes, and to Think, I feel for you How long were you married?

Welcome to the board Chimene!
I am sorry to hear about the reason which brought you here. JWs are taught legalism and salvation by works as the foundation for their lifestyle. Just as that combination bred selfrighteousness and judgmentalism among the Jews in Jesus, it continues to do so today among the Witnesses. That is unfortunately what you are going to have to put up with.
We all feel for you in your situation. Come back anytime you have some questions or need support from folks who've been there. You should be able to find whatever answer you need.
Forscher

unique1

Whoa, he said that on your honeymoon? You are so much better off without him. You need a man who appreciates you.

Chimene

He sure did, and just think, that was on the honey moon. I put up with much worse for another 8 and half years, from him and his family. All JW's. But I believed so muchin the religion, I hung on, like a fool I have been

seven006

Chimene,

Your life doesn’t look destroyed to me. You can still think and your ability to come here and express your thoughts seems to be well intact. You may be damaged a little but you seem to still be able to function. The good part of life is still to come.

You’re soon to be ex-husband sounds like a real jerk. A lot of us exJW men were also real jerks when we were JW’s. We were products of the JW cult mentality as well as our own uneducated and unfeeling stupidity. A lot of us look back on our lives with complete shame and utter astonishment thinking how in the world could we have been so stupid and blind. I know I have.

The good thing is a lot of us have figured it out and have accepted our stupidity for what it was and where it came from. We realize the watchtower publications did not have all the answers as they said they did and the watchtowers definition of a man and a husband was fashioned after the whims old 19th century power and control freaks that looked at women as possessions and just one slight level above a slave.

Don’t think of yourself as a fool but rather someone who has been fooled. You are not the only one, we were all fooled. There are some incredible women on this board who are very intelligent, understanding, and know exactly how you feel. Listen to them. Let them help you figure it out without becoming bitter or thinking your life has been destroyed or is over.

There is a whole big world out there of intelligent thought provoking information about life and how it should really be looked at for you to discover. The real facts of life and how things really are has been and will always be as tiny as a microbe when it comes to the JW version of it. That is why they don’t want you to know about it or read things that explain it out side of their tiny little close minded interpretation of life.

Just open your mind and learn. Your life is not over nor has it been destroyed, it has just begun.

Dave

Chimene

Thanks Dave. You definitely don't sound like a jerk I guess what I mean is that since I had to give up my house, (sitting on his family's land) that I paid for, (he never brought home a pay check)

I started at 27, now i'm 36, it's just so unfare. I'm trying to get over it, it's just sooo hard. Especially after just 3 days ago, he kept pounding my 10 year old about if I got a court date up to finalize our divorce, (takes a year in this state) and I told him not to discuss it with her. He started to scream at me, and I told him for that, I was not going to finish it, he could do it, I was retired from doing from him. Now he won't return her calls. Hurting her to get at me, makes it very hard to let go, you know?

jgnat

Hi, Chimene. I am married to a JW (non-jerk) and before that I was a single parent for twenty years. Before that I was a battered wife and before that I was a pregnant teenager.

I'm a strong woman now.

Unfortunately that jerk will be in your face as long as you have to share custody. But you can set up your life so he's hogtied to behave. If you want specific ideas, PM me. I have an endlessly diabolical mind.

Here's a book that might help you deal with the issues that you and your daughter must be going through.

http://www.phac-aspc.gc.ca/publicat/mh-sm/divorce/toc_e.html

seven006

Chimene,

Trust me, I spent a lot of years being a jerk even after I left the JW’s and before I figured it out. Using your child to get back at your ex-spouse is not exclusive to the JW’s but it does seem to be more common with them then other groups. Just wait until he starts telling her you are going to die at Armageddon because you don’t love Jehovah anymore. That’s a classic one.

You can run into a burning school house and save twenty children and he will still find fault in your actions. It’s called ignorance and it is openly bred in the JW community.

My ex-wife did the same thing to me, it’s just part of the package. Don’t do it back. Kids are very intuitive and a lot smarter than we think. They will begin to see by each of your actions who is the wiser, kinder parent. My three sons are all out of the religion and want nothing to do with it and their JW mothers actions and how she treated them as well as myself are a big factor in that. It is very hard but you just need to be patient. The end of the world is not right around the corner as they would like you to believe and have been saying and giving dates for it over and over again.

As far as the money thing goes, there is only so much you can do about it. Settle what you can and move on. I lost everything once and I’m doing just fine. You just need to readjust your priorities.

Read Lady Lees “best of” series and there may be things in there that might help you figure some things out in this confusing time. I know it doesn’t look like it right now but things will get better. Your soon to be ex-husband doesn’t see it now but he will soon understand the saying “you don’t know what you got ‘till it’s gone.

Take care and hang in there.

Dave

luna2

Wow, Chimene, he sure does sound like a real winner. What a great dad, too. Nothing like pressuring a ten-year old for answers or to act as his mouth piece. I sure hope you don't get hit up for alimony since he never brought home a paycheck. Make sure you get a good lawyer if at all possible.

Welcome to the board.

Chimene

Thanks for all the welcomes, y'all are great :-)

Yes, he has already used the "your not going to make it through armegedon" crap, my response is, "as if you are?" LOL

I agree, anyone using a kid for a mouth peice is a loser. My parents did it to me, I know.

I waived my rights to alimony, he could never make a mortgage payment (until after I moved out naturally) so I figured how could I get something from nothing.

I wish I could make a list of all the horrible things this jerk did to me, and pin it next to a picture on a bill board somewhere, including all the jerks in his congregation that know what he did. Consequently, everything I discussed in my bible study that I was told was confidential, was told to him. ????????????I really don't understan that one!

JW husband destroyed my life

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