I’ve been watching my number of posts climb towards 2,000 in recent days.
It seemed a good time to contemplate what I’ve learned in the two years, seven months and five days (according to my profile) since I joined the interactive fray – although I lurked here for more than a year while I was a JW elder. During that time, I read every single post starting with the first page and caught up. Of course, it’s impossible to read every one now, it’s so big, but it's been quite an education. Here are just some of the things I’ve learned:
1. Freedom is delicious. That saying dieters use, the one that goes, "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels"? The principle applies to letting go of the delusion that we had the truth. Nothing feels as good as Freedom. And I’m not talking about freedom to engage in reckless behavior. I’m talking about the freedom to be non-judgmental, to accept other human beings at face value, to participate in the human experience, to search freely and find one’s authentic self.
2. The path to freedom lies through research and "study." Just as we studied to get "in" to the organization, we have to study to get out. ‘Crisis of Conscience’ is the essential textbook, although there are many other good ones. Reading the "Best Of" series on this forum is critical to your education. Knowledge is power and power is necessary to break free from the chains that enslaved us. And we were enslaved, emotionally and intellectually. You have to break that bond.
3. Learn to occupy the moral high ground. They don’t own it, they just think they do. A good book on this topic is ‘Breaking the Chains of Religious Addiction and Abuse’ by Leo Booth, a former Catholic priest, or any of the audio tapes on this topic available at his website, fatherleo.com. The discovery that we were abused, and were abused by, religion is an eye opener and will instantly shift your paradigm. You’ll no longer be a victim, but a recovering "addict," filled with inner strength and conviction. It’s a great place to stand as you ward off the slings and arrows of former "friends" and their twisted sense of "love."
4. Make friends and develop new interests. Worldly people are not the boogie-men they were made out to be. Some are jerks, just like at the Kingdom Hall, but many, most in fact, are well-meaning, sincere, warm, funny, engaging and interesting. We are all connected by our humanity and have so much in common. Now that you are free to make friends, follow your instincts. New interests abound. There are so many "secular" activities around, volunteer work, committee assignments, neighborhood groups, civic organization, and so forth. We are free to be good citizens for a change and it feels good. Don’t forget to vote.
5. Prepare in advance for unexpected run-ins with dubs. Everyone on this forum has different circumstances; I can only speak to fellow faders who chose to drift away rather than take overt action (such as writing a DA letter) because of family or business connections they weren’t prepared to sever. You are entering into the Awkward Zone. You will be fearful of running into dubs who want to know where you’ve been, what you’re doing now, and why you left. That’s the fear. The reality is, and this will surprise some of you, most dubs won’t ask. They either don’t know you’ve stopped coming to meetings (unless they’re active in your congo) or they will be afraid to ask you about it. Dubs from neighboring congos won’t know what your status is and will feel even less compelled to ask. The best defense is a good offense, they say in sports, and this works here, too. If you run into a dub unexpectedly, smile, offer a warm greeting, tell them they look terrific, and explain that you are late for an appointment. Even if they’ve heard you’re inactive, they will almost always be too embarrassed to ask about it. If they do, simply say, "Gosh, that’s a long, long story. Maybe when we have more time. Well, gotta run." Works for me. You may have your own strategy. Anyway, this awkward phase is temporary. A fade last long enough to make new friends and develop new interests (see number 4). At some point, you won't care what dubs do or think. I'm almost there now.
6. Arrange to meet some of the people on this forum. We’re all at different stages along the journey. By reading their posts, you will warm up to some of the posters here and determine they have a personality that "fits" yours. After you’ve been here for a while and are established you will get an occasional opportunity to meet up with fellow JWD alumni. We’ve done this twice in the past year while we were traveling out of state. In both cases, we made new "old" friends and are much richer for it. There is a bond, a brotherhood, that forms between folks who have endured and survived a similar experience. It will help you heal.
No doubt, long time posters here have other advice to offer. This forum is filled with such advice. This is a terrific half-way house on the journey to spiritual and intellectual sanity. Take advantage of it.
Thank you all for helping me change my life. I owe many of you so much.