I think I've finally had it! (long)

by lynnmelo 27 Replies latest jw friends

  • lynnmelo

    Some of you may know that I had regularly been studying with the JW's for about two years, but I was never baptized. I stumbled on some information about the child molestation scandal a few months ago, and that started me on the road to questioning the organization (for further details on my situation, see my Topic history).

    Anyway, up until now, I had decided to just fade into the background, still attending Sunday KH meetings because I want to attend some church, and I just don't know where else to go (don't agree w/ the teachings of the other churches in my vicinity either). My last "study" w/ my bible study conductor (a month or so ago) was terrible. She and another Witness kind of "ganged up" on me, doing everything in their power to connect the scriptural dots and make me admit that they were the truth and that I was willfully rejecting it (which I never did, btw).

    Anyway, I went to the KH today, and after the service, my B.S. conductor (pun intended) tried to get me to set up a meeting with her and an elder, which she freely admitted was to make her feel better. I had a strong feeling that the purpose of that meeting would be the same as my last meeting with her, so I told her I didn't want to. She started questioning me again, and I told her I just could not accept the doctrine of the F&DS and that I didn't think that only JW's were going to survive Armageddon (I've never told her about all the dirt I found on the WTS because I didn't want her to know I knew, which would have made me feel uncomfortable going to the KH). Get this, though: She then goes into this diatribe of sorts, where she starts spouting scriptures about how the JW's ARE the only true religion and that she "shudders" for me. She said the "shudder" thing a couple of times in the last meeting, and I let it pass. When she said it again here, I gritted my teeth and let it pass. I just let her talk. She then asked me if I could write down some things about the FD&S doctrine that bothered her. I said I could, but I'd prefer not to because it would just end up being insulting to her (she's definitely a company woman all the way), and after she read it, I'd be uncomfortable attending the KH (even though she assured me that she wouldn't share my list with the elders). She just kept on spouting scriptures, but when I had a reply to each assertion she made, she finally said that she that my reasoning was a "cop out" and that, again, she "fears" for me. Well, at that point, I was tired of being polite. I said to her, "I think it's pretty presumptious of you to say that I'm going to die at Armageddon because I'm not a JW." I thought that would get her because I've never really been that blunt with her before. I was shocked, though, because she refused to take it back or admit that she was wrong. Instead, she just said that they were "encouraged" to pray for people, even those who persecute them ("not that you're persecuting us, of course").

    I think this is the first time I've really seen my book study conductor for what she really is: a complete wind-up toy for the JW organization. It's as if she isn't viewing me as a human being. She is viewing me as a person who has not accepted the JW teachings, and she no longer cares about how I feel or what she says to me. Maybe I'm being paranoid, but it's almost as if she wants me to stop attending the KH--get the apostate out of their midst and all that. I'm angry now and don't even want to go back to the KH, but one part of me wants to continue going just to get her goat.

    Is my bible study conductor's behavior the norm for when people decide they don't want to join?

  • stillajwexelder

    thankyou for sharing

  • candidlynuts

    its not unusual, i dont know if its the norm. some really care about people, others care about turning in " time".

    you did good holding your ground.

  • Elsewhere

    I'm glad you were able to seem them for what they are.

    They put on a show to draw you in, but they get angry when you actually try to question them or point out problems.

    Now you can see why Jehovers Witnesses are known as the Amway of religion.

  • Darth Yhwh
    Darth Yhwh

    At least you have a place where you can come to and vent, right? Think about her. Who is she going to complain to without getting her self cast out?

  • jaffacake


    Hello again. Because I wouldn't accept blindly, all that I was taught during my own studies last year, I was quickly dumped. But not before a remarkable admission, during a discussion about Romans 13:1 and the Watchtower flip flop, that the so called FDS got no information from God. And this was from the PO, but I had no witnesses, nor did I make a recording. He never gave me a second chance to do so.

  • willowmoon
    I'm angry now and don't even want to go back to the KH, but one part of me wants to continue going just to get her goat.

    Don't go back for spite, it won't accomplish anything except more stress for you.

    If you go back, be resigned to giving yourself over to them ... any faith or love you have for Jehovah will take a back seat to what the brothers and sisters expect from you to be an accepted member of the congregation. You said yourself what that is: a complete wind-up toy for the JW organization.

    She does want you to stop attending. By questioning, you are no doubt now considered a rebel and a bad association. And because she's your study conductor, she'll get the heat for your "weakness" and poor heart condition.

    Unless you're willing to give up completely to them, leave now before a little nick becomes a gaping wound, and then a permanent scar.


  • Amazing1914


    Yes, her beahvior is quite common for JWs who are losing control of their Bible Studies. It is good that you will not write down your concerns, as she will, without fail, report this list to the Elders. She is in the throws of giving up on you, and needs to validate her reaction to you. The only way it to turn the situation over to the Elders, who will either find a way to get another mentor for you, or cut you off as a potential apostate. Keep us posted, as it is interesting to read your experience, and see how well you are handling it.

    Jim W.

  • freedomlover

    wow lynnmelo

    good for you and your bold answer. I'm sorry for the disappointment you must feel. so many of us here know that feeling.....

    doesn't it just get to you when they "shudder" or "pity" or "feel sorry" for you!!!????

    you'll know when or if you should stop attending the Kingdom Hall. you don't deserve the third degree......

    thanks for sharing....

  • lynnmelo

    Thanks for all the comments, you guys. I don't feel as if I ever want to speak to my bible study conductor again. If she calls me, I'm going to tell her that I have nothing to say to her. What nerve she has!

    Thanks, again, for your comments.

Share this