Double life, anyone??

dinah

How many of you lead double lives while growing up (especially those who grew up JW)? In the last few days, it seems that bothers me about my adolescence. I had to be one person for my mother, while still trying to be myself. All the while this was going on, there was the tremendous guilt heaped on at meetings. I didn't notice it was bothering me then.

Anyone else have experiences, and how have your dealt it?

I wasn't a "bad kid" just a "bad jw"--on the inside. Maybe I just wanted to be normal? Yes, I got drunk when I was in the 4th grade, but it was accidental. I had no idea you couldn't drink bourbon like it was pepsi. Had sex when I was 15, but I was just so damn curious. Then I had sex again when I was 18--boom-- a pattern and I was out on my ass. Nevermind that I married the guy. (BIG MISTAKE!!).

Their rules are just hard. I agree with whoever on here said no one should be baptised until after the bloom of youth.

I'm rambling. Tough journey.

Highlander

I think the majority of JW kids lead double lives. I remember when I was about 14 my best friend and another friend were baptized at the convention.

The following weekend we partied hard, were drunk off our asses, smoked cigs and enjoyed our stash of adult magazines. I wasn't baptized, and I remember thinking to myself,

'if my friends still drink and smoke less then one week after baptism, what is the point?' I made the decision to get baptised when I felt I was living a 'clean' life.

At 19 years of age I was baptized, become a servant shortly after, but I had to ask myself again. 'what is the point' cuz I was still living my double life.

Personally, I think as JW's we are so repressed, beaten down, and controlled to a harsh extent that we end up living a double life. Funny thing is,, now that I'm merely inactive, rarely at

meeting and never go preaching, I now lead a very clean, healthy, moral lifestyle. Funny... Isn't it?

Mr.Beaker

Im hearing you on this one!

I was the double life king, on one hand... sex, drugs and rock n roll, on the other being a good witno. It really did my head in for a long time! I was giving talks, saying prayers for the congregation, reading the watchtower and at the bookstudy. I felt like i was the biggest hypocrit on earth.

I guess as I got older and thought more about things and what i was doing, I stopped doing things for the organisation so i wouldnt at least feel so hypocritical. Then the natural fading progression started.

Now I look back and think that even though i was being hypocritical, doing what i was, was a coping mechanism until i worked myself out and knew i could cope without the witnesses.

Calliope

not so much "leading a double life" as compensating for my morally bereft attitude. i.e. pioneering so i could justify not feeling bad about the alcohol and substance abuse. ahhh, good times.

misspeaches

Guilty over here too! I was such a good girl for such a long time but eventually my personality decided to break through! LOL

And while Mr Beaker was up on stage reading the watchtower I would be pulling faces at him from the audience all the while coming down from our 'big night out' the night before...! Yep me too - sex drugs rock n roll... seen and done it all. It was such a change for me and a pretty rocky road at the time as well. I was totally confused. I no longer knew what I wanted etc. Luckily I did have such a great bestest mate in Mr Beaker at the time. Just someone who was there beside me, being just as bad, but incredibly supportive.

The guilt I felt was not at all good. It used to eat away at me. But I agree with this statement:

doing what i was, was a coping mechanism until i worked myself out and knew i could cope without the witnesses.

Mr.Beaker

Miss Peaches, you have no idea how many times i avoided eye contact with you from the stage so i wouldnt convulse into fits of laughter... Or just convulse from the night before and the things we did!!!

fairchild

OOHHHH Mr. Beaker knows Misspeaches? be careful, Mr. Beaker, misspeaches is bad influence.

misspeaches

be careful, Mr. Beaker, misspeaches is bad influence.

Why Fairchild take that back! I am all innocent and sweet and pure... and solely a good influence... tee hee hee...

P.S. Where have you been hiding out? I've missed you!!!

Sparkplug

bloom of youth.

LMAO that you said this term.

Truly though, I would be hard pressed to name anyone that did not lead a double life. If you were alive, you were acting. Either at home, or at school.

Mr.Beaker

Thanks fairchild but its too late!

Ive never told anyone this before but Miss Peaches are her bad influence is the real reason i left the JWs.

Double life, anyone??

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