Marriage - Why bother?

by Spectrum 62 Replies latest social relationships

  • freedomlover
    perhaps if more puritanical types had sex before marriage, they would avoid so many divorces, or years and years of living in denial, or abusive situations.

    I actually had a conversation recently with a JW mom who's 18 year old daughter is engaged and quitting school to get married.... she said " I wish these girls could just have sex once before they get married and then they'd realize it's not worth getting married for!!" ha ha ha - I had to laugh. I completely agree. tetra - interesting ideas on marriage. it's really not just a piece of paper - but I knew what you meant...... cool ideas though. I always like to have my ideas challenged. live your life man. hope you're having a blast doing it.

  • tetrapod.sapien

    heh. i am probably just cynical lately. maybe there is love on the horizon for me yet. it's one of the last things i believe in the power of. and i really do want it to be true.

  • Crumpet

    Indeed - why bother?

  • desbah

    as long as the sex is great and they can still make you laugh....marriage is priceless. (Now where did I hear this from???) oh yeah, I just saved alot on my auto insurance!!


  • tetrapod.sapien

    lol! Geiko!

  • anewme

    I love being married!!

    I really do!

    I love belonging to someone and he to me!

    We are only married 9 months now and we are trying so hard to be the model husband and wife to each other.

    We try to show kindness and respect everyday towards each other. Neither of us curse. We have chosen not to drink alcohol in our home by mutual consent. (We have a beautiful collection of crystal wine glasses that we sip cola out of now) Honesty and truthfulness and courtesy are important values to us.

    He still walks to my side of the car and holds the door open for me and closes it!
    He opens EVERY DOOR for me! (Believe me I did not insist on this queenly treatment. He came up with it all by himself!)And I love it!(When his mother is with us, he opens the door for her as well)

    Every night he sets the coffee pot and every morning I bring him a hot cup of coffee to his side of the bed.

    I get up with him early every morning and pack his lunch with my homemade cookies and give him big hugs as he leaves for work before I do.
    I get home before him too and greet him with the smell of a delicious roast or chicken dinner and bread from the bread maker and always with arms open wide and a big hug welcome home! (I learned the big wide welcome home hug from his mother. She always does this and I think its a miracle worker hug!)
    The little dogs join in the homecoming and are let out to run to him and encircle his legs and bark shouts of joy at his return!
    I love it when he enters and says "Ah, its good to be home sweet home!"

    When dinner is ready about 6 oclock I ring the brass bell out the front door and wherever he is he knows he has 5 minutes before the food will be set on the table. (My first marriage-calls to dinner were ignored completely---arrghhh!)
    We eat just the two of us in the dining room with no tv on to distract us. I always light the candles and have a soft CD playing. As we eat we both relish and value what we are trying to do for each other.....
    have some peace and happiness in our lives that have both known great sorrow and dissappointment.

    Oh another thing he taught me...we never answer the telephone. We always allow the message machine to answer the phone. And we never answer the phone during dinner. How many dinners were spoiled by congregation members wanting to talk with my former husband during our dinner hour and how many times he allowed it!!!!---arrgghh again!

    I think all the little courtesies we show to each other are absolutely essential to weave a strong fabric of supportive friendship and love between us.
    He fixes things like my car and the fences. I mend the jeans and cook and wash and clean. But I am equally capable of chopping kindling and making the fire, mowing the lawns and checking my oil as he is doing some laundry and running the vaccum and scouring the tub.
    We are good friends first.
    Sexual love naturally follows right along and we are ready to show this love in a moment if the other desires!

    Yes, I love marriage very much! With the right loving and fun person it is a wonderful arrangement!

  • jojochan

    I used to love the idea of being married. To be with someone you love unconditionaly and to grow old with them, to journey through life with them. It felt good at the time. But I'm seriously jaded,and don't mind having the other side of the bed cold from now to then. I just don't see Myself doing that for a loooong time. But marriage is indeed a wonderful thing....just keep in mind to grow together and not apart.

    In mine....she grew apart.

    jojochan...the ex man.

  • Spectrum


    "i think marriage is a totally unrealistic institution. especially in our modern society. not only is it about ownership, but it's just a freaking piece of paper!"

    You have raised an a very interesting issue here, one that i have spent countless hours discussing with a friend who almost totally shares your view. My position was that family is the cornerstone of a functioning civilised society, his position was there are alternatives if you can't get marriage right and no harm done to society if every Tom, Dick and Harry comes from a divorced or broken home.
    I'm not a social scientist so I can't talk with professional authority but I was under the impression that happy families with both loving parents present make for a better environment for children to grow in and thrive. Less stress and less emotional problems for young ones to deal with hence healthier personalities can emerge at the end of it. I don't see how one can refute this.
    I strongly believe therefore that children growing up in a family unit where both parents are present and loving make for a better society, after all children are always the future of which ever society they belong to.
    This sounds contradictory to my first post but here I'm talking about children and what is best for them and society rather than what is best for two individuals that want to live together.

    I think that's a more cynical view than what is going on in reality. My father loved my mother more, later on in life, than he did earlier in their marriage. He would have done anything for her. There are many people's testimonials that give credence to the idea that love continues and grows with years.

  • Calliope
    Good things about marriage: this partner for life can be such a source of stability in your life, someone to always come home to and be totally comfortable with as someone above said.

    Bad things: they can totally insult you and your family, and you get so so so mad, but then you stop and think, there is absolutely nothing I can do change this person. And I will be sleeping next to them for the rest of my life

    We are good friends first.

    yep. been there...

    there was a lot of passion and fun and understanding in my marriage. then there was a lot of supporting and crying and bitter frustration.

    ah, the joy.

    but i'm still not convinced to do away with it entirely. not my marriage, it's already been done away with. but marriage in general.

  • Legolas

    Marriage ...Why bother?

    I don't know!

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