Marriage - Why bother?

by Spectrum 62 Replies latest social relationships

  • serendipity

    I think marriages are easier if there are common values and common goals and the partners respect each other. In my family, there's only been one divorce. The couples have those three things in common, for the most part. They also are determined to make the marriages work.

    For me it's a worthwhile goal to pursue because I want a life partner, best friend and lover. I'm fairly happy alone, but finding someone compatible would be a very nice bonus.

  • lonelysheep
    "When this whole marriage thing was started, people only lived 40 years."

    So funny and true!

  • Spectrum

    I think most people get married in order to satisfy emotional needs. That sounds obvious but if you look into it deeper it can be an eye opener.

    We all have emotional needs, most of them are not reasons to get married. I don't believe people should get married to fulfill an emotional void in one's life. You've got to be able to fulfill yourself, be happy and content within yourself before you take on a life partner. The alternative is to be in an eternally needy situation where anything that threatens the source of emotional stability is a recipe for problems.
    For example, I don't believe that someone can make another person happy if that other person is not already happy within themselves. A lot of people are fooled into believing that they can make the other person happy but end up being the crotch of the other person who themselves are also deluded from the start.

  • Qcmbr

    Maybe if people didn't have sex before marriage they'd find out if they really loved the person inside the body.

  • Krystal

    Marriage is expensive.

    I have been living with my "hubby" for 4 years now and the only reason we are not "legally married" is because it is expensive. It is a big pricey party that we cannot afford to have right now.

    I will not be anymore/less committed to our relationship if I was married. It would not effect my day to day life.

    The Quebec government considers him my husband anyways since we have been living together for 4 years. In Quebec, women even keep their own last name and when you have kids you can decide what you want their last name to be, mine, his, or a combination of the two.

    I really don't think I will bother getting married, it won't change anything anyways.

  • ButtLight

    Yeah, after the first marraige, I am really leary. Im engaged, and had a date set, but cancelled it!!!!!!!!! We live together, but what if? Its just alot more headaches if we choose to split! Does that piece of paper really matter? Are you not commited without it?

  • Smiles_Smiles

    My ideal would be having an exclusive relationship (because my own nature at this point is monogamous) were we each live in our own individual residence. We are available and supportive of each other but there is no ownership nor obligations nor contracts.

    Is that impossible to have?

  • funkyderek


    "it's more of a sliding scale where you've got a 50% chance of misery to the point of being willing to endure divorce, another 30% of being generally unhappy, a 20% chance of feeling like you came out even on the deal, and 10% of being actually happy." The math seems a little off here. ;)

    Maybe marriage requires 110% commitment. I definitely think that people who want to get married should be committed.

  • beksbks

    A lot of people are fooled into believing that they can make the other person happy but end up being the crotch of the other person who themselves are also deluded from the start.

    How much action does that crotch see? Maybe it's a good thing.

  • AlmostAtheist
    The math seems a little off here. ;)

    Oh my gawd! I thought you were disputing the 10% happy bit! Apparently my posts are 50% bad math, 50% poor spelling, and the rest is pure genious...


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