Help! They're after me!

by MungoBaobab 12 Replies latest jw friends

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  MungoBaobab

  I thought I perfected the fade, but I guess not. I live with my parents, and only my mom is a JW. I haven't been to a meeting since July, and she rarely goes (not for theological reasons). Well, she got home from meeting today and said my bookstudy conducter (EX-bookstudy conductor! heh heh) wants to talk with me, and is going to call on the phone. I'm in a damn panic!

  So what's he going to ask me, and how do I answer if I want to continue the fade? I don't want to alientate the rest of my JW family by saying somehing... well, truthful. Do I just tell him I've been to busy with work, and that (gulp!) I still consider myself a JW?

  Somehow I never thought this would happen to me.
• 

  DanTheMan

  If you're intent on fading, I like the passive resistance approach the best. Tell him that you've been meaning to come to the KH, but you've been working a lot and/or you're a little depressed. If he offers to pick you up for the meeting, then agree to it, but then call him the day of the meeting and tell him that you're not feeling well. If he offers to study with you, tell him that you don't feel that it's really necessary right now, but thanks for the offer.
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  luna2

  Claim depression and self-hate, Mungo. I was able to skate by each of the two whole times my bookstudy conductor called (once a year for two years) by claiming that I wasn't ready to go back yet. Of course, I was sincere at the time and was able to say that I still thought JW's had the "truth" without telling a lie. It may be more difficult to be deceptive with these guys.

  I would totally refuse a visit though. Nothing like sitting on the edge of the couch cushions in your dress clothes being chastized and grilled for an hour by two elders intent on getting you to agree to come back to the hall or have a Bible study or something. Yuck!
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  Mary

  I agree.........tell them you're depressed and hearing voices in your head. They won't know if you're demunized or just crazy, but it'll keep them at bay for a while.......either that or tell them that you're discouraged by the lack of love in the congregation.........that always works well and is totally believeable.........good luck!
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  skyman

  Beat around the his questions. Never tell him your doubts, lie through your teeth, remember they can lie to you. Use Theocratic War Fare on them. Notice in insght book it says who is entitled play on the same playing field just like they play. Just remember the Elders are not ENTITLED TO know the truth. They well make your life a living hell if they think you go to this site.

  *** it-2 p. 244 Lie ***

  The opposite of truth. Lying generally involves saying something false to a person who is entitled to know the truth and doing so with the intent to deceive or to injure him or another person.
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  Purza

  If at all possible, don't respond to their phone calls or answer the door if the come by. That will probably be difficult since you live with your parents, but avoid them as much as you can. One of them got me via email and I told them I was not "emotionally available to meet with them at this time, but I would contact them when I was ready".

  Purza
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  blondie

  You don't have to talk to him. You don't have to make up anything either. He won't like it but if he really is "concerned" would it make sense for him to bully you.

  Don't offer any details or explanations.

  Don't hang around after turning down his offer to "help" you. Just have an exit planned...if your mother has invited him in, leave and drive away (if you have a car). If not, ask a friend nearby if you can drop by.

  If he drops by unannounced and she lets him in, leave saying you have plans and do the above. (Talk to your mother about not letting him in.)

  They give up eventually, for awhile anyway.

  Blondie
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  greendawn

  Do a bit of your own theocratic lying, above all don't worry about having to tell them the truth they don't either, imitate them and produce a good cover story.
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  katiekitten

  Claim depression. It helped me to fade - I was actually genuinely depressed at the time, but amazingly it cleared itself up after I had faded.

  Also I have a friend who is a genuine Witness, but every so often he gets his black dog visiting (as did Winston Churchill), and he can miss the meetings for 6 months at a time. Everyone just accepts its him, and even his very genuine friends have had to accept that he NEEDS to be on his own when the dog is there.

  If they try to say that going to the meetings will cheer you up tell them you have been to the doctors and have been diagnosed with clinical depression and are currently trying to find the right meds that will help you be around people again.

  Good luck.
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  tweety

  If this was my situation, I would just lie about everthing. Tell him that you have been really busy. Use your job, overtime, working a 2nd job....make up some excuse.

  Let them know that you have been keeping up with your studies, even though you haven't been able to make the meetings.

  While on the phone with him, act like there is another incoming call or that you just got company. Thank him for his call, concern and say good-bye as quickly as you can.