2 Deaths in 2 weeks...gawd I hate this. (page 3)

LyinEyes

I am so sorry for yet another loss Donnie.

LyinEyes

I am so sorry you have lost another Donnie.

I just erased a couple of paragraphs Donnie, some things are sad enough but when you write them out they seems even worse yaknow. Next time ya come to town let us know, we are going to shreveport tonite, if you are in town call the house.

My Dad calls me every other day now, and he talks about the resurrection hope and I think he thinks I still believe that. At this point I would love to believe that again, or to believe in a heavenly hope for Ginger, but I just don't believe anything. BUT........my saving grace is that I think anything is possible. Maybe , there is a plan for for us when we pass on from this life, maybe not. I would feel better believng that Ginger is already in Heaven with Mama, than to be like my Dad thinking she is just gone for now waiting on a resurrection here on earth. He thinks that is a comfort but it is not to me and never was. The JW resurrection hope kept me going for years, when I believed I would see Mama again , so that part was a comfort, but it still hurt that she was non exsistant. I have a freakin' hard time understanding the soul and how we can be alive and the next minute we are dead and gone. I still have a long way to go to find my own belief system, I hope I can feel someday that there is more to us than just this life. I may not ever know but hoping gives me courage to face this.

I hope you are doing ok Donnie, I know this has been so hard on you too. We have to keep her memory alive by talking about her and remembering the person she really was that so many never really understood. I hope that one day you will see your cousin again and we all are celebrating with our loved ones again. It just seems to wonderful to really be true,,,,,but I have been known to believe in fairy tales a time or two......lol. But here's to hope and many wishes..........love ya Brother, Dede

LyinEyes

I am so sorry you have lost another Donnie.

I just erased a couple of paragraphs Donnie, some things are sad enough but when you write them out they seems even worse yaknow. Next time ya come to town let us know, we are going to shreveport tonite, if you are in town call the house.

My Dad calls me every other day now, and he talks about the resurrection hope and I think he thinks I still believe that. At this point I would love to believe that again, or to believe in a heavenly hope for Ginger, but I just don't believe anything. BUT........my saving grace is that I think anything is possible. Maybe , there is a plan for for us when we pass on from this life, maybe not. I would feel better believng that Ginger is already in Heaven with Mama, than to be like my Dad thinking she is just gone for now waiting on a resurrection here on earth. He thinks that is a comfort but it is not to me and never was. The JW resurrection hope kept me going for years, when I believed I would see Mama again , so that part was a comfort, but it still hurt that she was non exsistant. I have a freakin' hard time understanding the soul and how we can be alive and the next minute we are dead and gone. I still have a long way to go to find my own belief system, I hope I can feel someday that there is more to us than just this life. I may not ever know but hoping gives me courage to face this.

I hope you are doing ok Donnie, I know this has been so hard on you too. We have to keep her memory alive by talking about her and remembering the person she really was that so many never really understood. I hope that one day you will see your cousin again and we all are celebrating with our loved ones again. It just seems to wonderful to really be true,,,,,but I have been known to believe in fairy tales a time or two......lol. But here's to hope and many wishes..........love ya Brother, Dede

wanderlustguy

If it were me in their place, I'd want everyone to get the hell out and live...I keep telling myself that about both of them now, but it's still so hard to do. Donna was sick, that I can deal with and realize it's not up to anyone else, it's health.

The other one is just pointless and I can't get the anger to leave me. I do ok if I don't think about it, but sometimes I can't help it...why did your mom have to name her after food? Everywhere I go, ginger ale, ginger snaps, ginger this ginger that.

I'm kinda half laughing because I could see her giggling about me complaining.

See you soon.

LyinEyes

Donnie, I know what you mean about laughing at times too, and then wanting to smash something , to make it feel as bad as I do.

Amber and I talked and she too has this rage and anger over all of this. I let her smash my empty beer bottles agaisnt an old brick wall last night and it helped she said.

I have such anger and towards one person in particular and I hope I don't cross paths with him anytime soon. Even thou, Ginger hurt us in what she did, you have to know that she really was just as sick as Donna, just in another way. Even thou Donna most likely wanted to live so very badly, Ginger was so very tired. She wanted to live but couldnt get over her pain. I know she didnt want to just die, she wanted to be happy and that seemed to elude her for reasons she couldnt figure out.

If only she could have held out another day, maybe it would have been better for her. She was very physically tired that weekend and had just gotten over being sick. Add that to the fact she was taking two different antidepressants and there is no telling what she was thinking. I do know when you get so depressed you can something REALLy believe that everyone would be better off without you and that they will go on, they just can't see the future , they can only feel the pain of each second and that torments the mind and begs for relief. I hope you can understand that is what I think happened to my sister. It is so very sad, such a waste, senseless ........yes......but I understand , hopefully I never understand to the full because if I ever feel I can totally identify with her and my mom then I might be in the same place and I don't want to go there ever again.

I am sure thou that she acted on something that was always on her mind. When Mama did this very thing , it left us with always wanting to understand why,,,,,,,,and that , suicide is a way out. I have fought those feelings myself. I have had very black days. I am glad I held on until the next day and when the sun came up , I felt differently. I know , I swear I know this..........if she could she would take this back. I am sure that she just got in a dark black place and was so tired and for that I do understand.

I just know that if Ginger could see how we are going on now with out her and how very much she was a part of so many people , she would have stayed a little longer. She honestly didnt think that she had many friends but she was so very much loved. She just couldn't see it.

I hope I havent upset you Donnie, but I have to tell you how I feel about all of this and I can only guess , IMO an educated guess as to what my sister was thinking to the best degree I can.

Look forward to seeing you and if you want , we can go see Ginger when you get down this way and take her some flowers or a little frog figurine or something,,,,,,,that is up to you.

Love ya , Dede

wanderlustguy

Hopefully I will see you guys tomorrow.

2 Deaths in 2 weeks...gawd I hate this.

YoursChelbie

LyinEyes

damselfly

LyinEyes

LyinEyes

wanderlustguy

LyinEyes

wanderlustguy

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