TopHat gets my vote for the best so far..."Are We There Yet?"
Give a title to the next JW book they will publish
Window Cleaning and How it Leads to Everlasting Life
"For every prophecy that's shattered another one comes true"
Prophecy 101 for Dum Dums
"You Can Live Forever, If You Believe What We Tell You This Week."
Volume II "You Can Live Forever, If You Ignore What We Told You Last Week."
Forgive Us Our Trespasses - we've been wrong all this time but we're sorry for misleading you.
You may laugh but something similar happened to a related religion, the Worldwide Church of God (Herbert Armstrong's cult). Personally, I think the statement they published was admirable:
Forgive us our trespasses
The Worldwide Church of God, sponsor of the Plain Truth magazine, has changed its position on numerous long-held beliefs and practices during the past few years.
…we are acutely aware of the heavy legacy of our past.
Our flawed doctrinal understanding clouded the plain gospel of Jesus Christ and led to a variety of wrong conclusions and unscriptural practices. We have much to repent of and apologise for.
We were judgemental and self righteous – condemning other Christians, calling them “so-called Christians” and labelling them “deceived” and “instruments of Satan”.
We imposed on our members a works-oriented approach to Christian living. We required adherence to burdensome regulations of the Old Testament code. We exercised a strongly legalistic approach to church government.
Our former Old Covenant approach fostered attitudes of exclusivism and superiority rather than the new covenant teaching of brotherhood and unity.
We overemphasized predictive prophecy and prophetic speculation, minimising the true gospel of salvation through Jesus Christ.
These teachings and practices are a source of supreme regret. We are painfully mindful of the heartache and suffering that has resulted from them.
We’ve been wrong. There was never an intent to mislead anyone. We were so focused on what we thought we were doing for God that we didn’t recognize the spiritual path we were on. Intended or not, that path was not the Biblical one.
As we look back, we ask ourselves how we could have been so wrong. Our hearts go out to all whom our teachings have misled in the Scriptures. We don’t minimise your spiritual disorientation and confusion. We earnestly desire your understanding and forgiveness.
We make no attempt to cover up the doctrinal and scriptural errors of our past. It is not our intention to merely paper over the cracks. We are looking our history squarely in the face and confronting the faults and sins we find. They will always remain a part of our history, serving as a perpetual reminder of the dangers of legalism.
Worldwide Church of God – late 1980s March/April Edition of Plain Truth
"The end IS just around the corner....the same corner we have painted ourselves into"