Interreligious Relationships

by Kristofer 13 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Kristofer

    Experience is the best teacher. I would like to know your opinions on my situation.

    I have been in love with a girl for a year now who is an active witness. Recently she came out with the info because I had been a secret so long. I know the Elders have had a talk with her. I guess it's beside the point. I am a Christian, raised in the Catholic Church. She is obviously a JW. Is it possible to have a relationship/marriage? I know there are obstacles. Especially when it comes to raising children. But I'd like to know your input and experiences.

  • AlmostAtheist
    Is it possible to have a relationship/marriage?

    It's POSSIBLE, but keep in mind that a religiously united marriage between two equally educated people from two similar backgrounds is STILL a difficult thing to pull off successfully.

    If you're not currently married to a JW, why would you take on such a burden? I'm sure you're in love, and that's a huge motivator. But you will love again. There is no one perfect person out there for you.

    It's hard and it's painful, but for your own well being (and hers) you would be better off to move on.


  • serendipity

    HI Kristofer,

    Take a look at the "best of" section. There are threads that address this topic.

  • greendawn

    Because the JWs think that all other religions are false and Babylonian they tend to look down upon their members, they are like the Jews and the way they view the gentile nations. So a relationship under these circumstances may be difficult.

  • Sheepish

    I have seen it over and over again, with the JWs and also in regular Christianity...if one of the partners is an unbeliever, they begin to resent the time and the fact that they really live in two different worlds. It affects EVERYTHING.

    First off, the believer is being disobedient to what they purport to believe. Shaky foundation. Scripture forbids marrying an unbeliever. In "Christendom" there is more freedom between denominations, but as you may know the JW's absolutely are against any other Christian belief. The JW who marrys outside really pays an awful price. There's lots of info on this site-you really need to hang around & read up.

    Don't let romance overshadow understanding what you would be getting into!

  • sandy

    Hi Kristopher.

    I know it's a hard pill to swallow but in my opinion you are better off ending the relationship. I do not think there is one perfect person out there for anyone. As someone said you will love again.

    Relationships are hard enough even when you have the same religion. You two, as long as she's a witness, will never be truly united.

    I hope you joing our meetup group at the end of the month.

    How does your girlfriend feel about it all?

  • Super_Becka

    Ah yes, been there, done that. I have my own thread on this particular topic, because I'm in a relationship with a JW, too, though my situation is a little different. My boyfriend is an unbaptized, inactive JW who never goes to KH, his whole family has known about me all along and they all like me very much.

    But the bottom line here is, as long as the JW in a JW/non-JW relationship remains a JW, then there will always be tension in the relationship. The non-JW will never be a priority in the JW's life unless he/she converts, and even then, Jehovah, the congregation and things like field service will be more important than the relationship.

    Just like everyone here who posted on my thread told me, I'm gonna tell you that it's probably not gonna work out and that your best bet is to get out while you still can. I'm assuming that you're young, do you really want to have to deal with the WTS for the rest of your life?? Because if you stay with this girl and she stays a devoted JW, then that's how it's gonna be. The WTS controls every aspect of a JW's life, even personal matters like sex, and if you stay in this relationship with a JW, then the WTS will control her life and therefore your life with her.

    If you want to pursue this relationship, just like I continue to pursue my relationship even though it appears to be quite hopeless, get the facts. Do the research, learn whatever you can, get all of the advice you can from those around you. This board is good for research and advice, most of the people here have first-hand experiences with the WTS, either as JWs or as people connected with JWs, and they definitely know what they're talking about. Don't shy away from learning the truth about the WTS and its doctrines and teachings. You have a right to know what you're getting yourself into, don't let anyone discourage you from researching.

    Just remember that a relationship with a JW can be very heartbreaking. I've been seeing my boyfriend for almost 8 months, and celebrating Christmas without him was heartbreaking for me, especially after the mean comments he made about Christmas even though he knows it's my favourite time of the year. JWs are desensitized to the feelings of non-JWs, they say things and don't care if they hurt someone. They don't think there's anything wrong with belittling a non-JW's religion, beliefs, practices or celebrations, but they will claim that they're being persecuted if anyone says anything against their beliefs (yes, that hypocritical, but so is most everything that JWs practice and believe). And they will refuse to participate with you - if you like things like Christmas and birthdays, don't get your heart set on sharing these things with her, because she thinks they're evil and she won't hesitate to tell you that.

    She looks down on everything you believe and do whether she actually says so or not, remember that.

    Good luck, and stick around the board, these people know what they're talking about!! If you want to ask me anything, send me a PM.

    -Becka :)

  • moggy lover
    moggy lover

    Hi, Kristofer - I think the advice already provided is absolutely right. Of course it seems unbearably hard to take especially if you love the lass very much. But to be brutally frank, it is not a good idea. Every relationship must be based on a sense of total commitment by both parties to the union. We all know that you are able to provide this for her, but the same is not true for her. Remember every time she goes to the KH, the assemblies, the fieldwork, she is constantly bombarded with the need to be loyal to the F&DS. Nothing less than total commitment is required to be a sucessful WT follower. When it comes to the crunch, she will take their side instead of yours. The problem is that it is there, at the crunch that a sucessful union is made. It's easy being "one-souled" when things are right. But it is when the crunch comes that you need to be "one-souled" Instead of harmony you will reap tension

    Then, you mentioned children. Let's just suppose that, God forbid, you find that one of them needs a blood transfusion to survive a tragic accident. You love the kid with all your heart, in fact she has your eyes, and your stubborn streak, and all that. What will you do? We know what she will do, but the question is you. You're the one living inside your body. What will you do? Do you think that you have the emotional fibre to confront this situation sucessfully? Only you can honestly answer that.

    I am sure no one is advocating that you suddenly slam the door and angrily walk out on her. I don't think it would be fair to her. Probably a long, and honest talk with her will help to show that it will not work out for either of you. Remember, she has the right to practise whatever religion she chooses it is a fundamental right in a free society. But also remember that you have every right to have a partner at your side who will reciprocate the total devotion you give her.


  • jgnat

    It is very difficult. I speak from experience. Your decision becomes much more complex if you ever plan on having children. A Jehovah's Witness really has no other choice other than to convert those they are close to, to their beliefs. No matter how much they may say they will respect your differences, there can be no equality married to a JW. You may PM me for specific direction if you like. I don't think it is a good sign that you have been kept a secret all this time.

  • DaveNwisconsin

    My mother was a JW and my father was a nothing. The kids grew up to resent Mom because of the JW faith, hope this helps, Dave

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