What would it be like if I weren't brain washed for over 20 years?

by NiecyMe 21 Replies latest jw experiences

  • NiecyMe

    Hello...This is my first posting. I heard about this web page from a friend that has a boyfriend that is trying to live life out of the clutches of JW's for the last 2 years. I have found that even though I haven't been involved with JW's for about 10 years, thier nails run deep. Every Christmas, Birthday and it seems any holiday I have this feeling that I am doing something wrong. Since birth up to my early 20's I have been programmed. I fight within to beat this disfunctional irrational thought that has been ingrained into me. I wonder often what my life would be like if this cult never was involved in my family, which ripped us all apart and left us for dead. There will always be an unsaid silence at family reunions. Neither the less, my children (and my family's children) will be the ones that will know what it is like to live a normal life. I have choosen to brake the chain that strapped me down to the evil that pledged my life. It wasn't long ago that I stood before myself alone because I never learned how to make friends. Over the last few years I have finally made some friendships that I hope will last. They don't understand the abuse that I endured for all those years and why everyone would just turn thier backs on us. I wonder if thier is anyone that has been deeply involved with JW's and they feel as if it is something that they have been completely cleansed from? Do scares that run so incredible deep ever heal?

  • Darth Yhwh
    Darth Yhwh

    Excellent post NiecyMe! I too understand how you feel being raised as a JW for 18 years plus/minus. Welcome to the forum!

    You're right. Every holiday, every birthday, every Tuesday, Thursday, and Sunday is a constant reminder of how you should be living your life. LOL.

  • NiecyMe

    When does it ever STOP?

  • blondie

    Getting counseling is helpful. I grew up in an alcoholic household and one of sexual abuse. I knew I could not just get better by pushing my past aside. I had to learn how to live my life apart from those things. It helped to talk with other people who were further along in dealing with these types of abuse. It has been almost 25 years and I can say that these things no longer haunt my days and my nights. I have learned to be objective enough to help other people. But I got there a day at a time, some times an hour at a time.

    Blondie (JW for 35 years, out for 4 years)

    Welcome to the board

  • Spectre


    I could have almost written that post.

  • Cellist

    Hi Niecyme. Welcome.

    Since I was never raised as a JW, I can't really give an answer to how long. But I do think that if you don't actively drag the beliefs and thoughts out of the dark recesses of your brain and analyse them in the light of day, you'll probably never get over the feelings. That's why counselling is usually a good thing.

    Reading and posting here is helpful too. Lots of people who understand where your coming from.


  • serendipity

    Hi niecyme, welcome to the forum!

  • Sparkplug

    NiecyMe-I have written something like that. I have three children and I have done exactly what you write of. I don't think that this first degree away from crazy is enough, and it will take a couple more generations to make all of us adapt. It is amazing how my children actually understand and say the "darndest things" that they have noticed and understood about me and the religion as they get older. The transition is coming along nicely. With the determination you wrote with, yours will too! Welcome!

  • Sheepish

    Welcome, welcome!!

    I am here to give you hope that you will someday be free from the false guilt, & sorrow of wasted years...it helped me to analyze & rethink things.(For a few years I felt guilty every Sat morning I was home with my husband & kids and not "out in service.") Lo and behold, after several years I was free! I also came to understand the value in what I had been through.Don't try to discount it or bury it. You went through it & it is valuable. It's true that "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" but only if you let it. Don't dispair! The JWs try to instill a self-fulfilling prophecy on their members, but after I left the witnesses, I read the Bible more, and loved God more. Don't believe their propaganda. You will one day have your own beliefs, traditions and be happy! God is not limited by a denomination!

    Glad you are here!

  • lunarlara

    (((((((((((((((hugs for you))))))))))))))))))))))))

    it will get better ive read some experiences on here that prove that


Share this