Struggling in a relationship with a JW

by Star1107 23 Replies latest social relationships

  • serendipity

    Hi Star,

    welcome to the forum!

  • jgnat

    You came to the right place. We regularly receive posts like this from lovelorn non-JW's. I am a regular Christian, non JW married to one. From what you have said, your boyfriend is sitting on the fence. He is not a regular JW, but he also has not renounced their beliefs. The JW's are a very demanding religion. If he has not thought through his beliefs on his own, he will always be in danger of going back, even becoming fanatical. I think you know the answer to your dilemma already, it's just unpleasant.

    Am i wasting my time or will he become more compromising with me after he is away from his mom? I'm not too sure how involved he actually is, he was asked to commit and he said no.

    My rule of thumb when dating is, if you see a habit in your date you don't like, think long and hard if you can live with that THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. It's really not fair to try and conform your partner in to your ideal. If you can't accept his pathetic involvement at holidays, think long and hard if you can live like that, because he possibly will never change. Even more worrisome is his beliefs on child-rearing and blood transfusions.

    Also, do you want a mother-in-law who will be undermining your relationship all the way, may boycott the wedding, and refuses to speak to you? There's a few posters here who can describe in detail how awful THAT future is.

  • GetBusyLiving

    Hi! Welcome to the board.



  • scoobiedoo1
    If you can download the Jerimiah Film on Jehovah's Witness History by doing a search in Limewire or Kazaa! Everybody including all Jehovah's Witnesses should see this film and even though it is an older film it is quite relevant! It is about an hour long! Have him see this film but I must warn you, all Jehovah's Witness are told to strictly not watch or read anything that is against their religion even though it is the truth supported by their own Watchtower Magazine! A must see film!!!!
  • Super_Becka


    OK, so maybe that makes me a hypocrite - I've been dating an inactive, unbaptized JW for 7 months, and I haven't run away from him yet - but it's the best advice I have. From what I can see, relationships between JWs and non-JWs rarely work out well, so your best bet, and mine, too, is to drop the relationship like a bad habit and run like hell. I'm still working on the running part, but I'm sure I'll get there eventually, and so should you.

    And welcome to the board. Stick around, this place is full of great people and good advice. Ask anything, the people here will give you some of the best, clearest and most blunt advice you'll find anywhere, and believe me, you'll really appreciate it even if it's not what you want to hear. They tell it like it is, no sugarcoating here.

    -Becka :)

  • Enigma One
    Enigma One

    I think I need to make a "macro" function or "hot key" program that automatically stores the response to threads like this. Since we get 2 or 3 a week like this. LOL.


  • jgnat

    I do keep in mind, Enigma, that each person is unique and has their own special story to tell. Although we all fall in love, we each do it in our own special way. At least love feels special. Just as each exiting Jehovah's Witness is bursting to share the drama of their leaving. Their story deserves to be told.

    Respect the story.

  • kiddotan

    Hi Star welcome

    This is a great place for info, with regards to being involved with a JW. I have been invovled with my beloved for a while now and I am sure I drive him as nuts as he sometimes drives me. (He hasn't got it figured that I as a woman am ALWAYS right;).

    But seriously take the time to look through this place, look for Jgnat's writings. Set boundary's for both of you.

    Engima you're right should be a auto button for us crazies who fall in love. I lurked here for quite awhile and got some ideas on how to deal with blood issue etc. The response I got made me feel not so alone. Even if it does drive you nuts.


  • Star1107

    Thanks to everyone who answered me. I feel alot better knowing that there are so many people out there going through the same thing. I really wished I would've researched this sooner. I've always know I would never actually join this group but am hoping that he will make up his mind what he wants to do. We have just reached the point in our relationship where either we are going to get even more serious or it's going to be over. At this point i just need an answer from him, he's had plenty of time to consider his options. More than enough actually. I do have one question though, at what point to JW's become baptized. Is it like other religions where it is done while you are still young or is it a choice he had to make after growing up a little. I don't know if he was baptized or not and I hope by asking him that, then i could start a conversation about his religion.

  • FaithfulDoubter

    Witnesses are baptised when they are supposedly old enough to make a firm decision, and have an accurate if limited understanding of the faith. That said, given the repercussions of baptism as a JW, I feel that they allow people to be baptised far to young. I've heard of cases of people as young as 8 getting baptised, and I wouldn't be suprised to hear of even younger children taking the plunge.

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