Raising Kids to be Cult Members!!! (page 2)

Tina

Hi Lisa
Excellent post! A keeper.
It reminds me of a point i keep trying to make here why elders are so unqualified to counsel and handle molestation.
They have absolutely no idea of the evelopmental stages and how one needs to be trained in them for effective questioning and assessment techniques.
Back to your post.
The distorted child rearing practices are the reason so many ,upon leaving,have to learn normal socialization and inter-communication skills.(especially those raised in the 'trooth')
The social deficits produced by being unable to exprience and inter-connect with their world around them is truly sad.
Thanks again! Tina

lisaBObeesa

Thank you all for the responses!!

It makes me so crazy when people say the young people leave the JWs because they ‘want to have fun.’ This misses the real motivations altogether. They leave to do the serious work of growing up. Fun is a byproduct of adolescents, just like all the emotional turmoil and pain is… remember that, folks? It wasn’t all fun, was it?

The good news is, these issues can be worked through. At least that is what my instructor told me. When I asked, he said, “You can go back! You can resolve unresolved issues. You can go back and ask the questions you didn’t ask, do some of the things you didn’t do…The issues of adolescents can be resolved later in life, yes.”

That is when I realized that THIS is exactly what I had been doing.

When I got out of the Borg, I went wild with freedom. Next I spent some years being an ‘adult’ who had no idea who she was, or how she got to where she was. Then, I decided it was time, as Joel says, to find out what I wanted to be when I grow up. I went back to school to learn about the world and myself. It didn’t take very long to realize where I heart was telling me to go, to realize ‘what I wanted to be when I grew up.’ I had really known my whole life, but put it out of my mind for so many years! I started listening to my heart. I started taking HEALTHY risks. I quit my horrible job as a slave for a supermarket chain, and found a job doing what I love! I was 30 years old.

I realized that this whole time, I had been doing what I should have gotten done between the ages of say, 12-22. Sure enough, it took about 10 years to sort all this out. I feel much better now :). In some ways, I still have far to go. Social situations still make me break into a cold sweat sometimes. But I know what to do about it now: get into some social situations! LEARN. Be easy on myself when I mess up. Face my fears. Reach out.

The best thing I ever did was start taking some college classes. There is a thread called “Every Song I Hear” about how so many songs remind one of the exJW struggle. Well, I could start a thread called, “Every Class I Take” about the same thing. Early Childhood Development, Adolescent Development (of course!), Oral Communication, Cultural Anthropology (This one was amazing!), Critical Thinking, Reading, and Writing……..

Joel: You are on your way already. You just don't know it! Keep it up! I don't know how to find a good counselor, wish I did!

LisaBobeesa

PS: For the folks who mentioned getting the book I quoted, I got it at the bookstore of my community college, for one of the classes I took. Any textbook about Child and Adolescent Development should have this info in it. I recommend taking these classes to anyone, if not to learn about your kids, then to learn about yourself!

Tina

Lisa!
excellent recommedations!
I had to take several child deveopments for my degree.(I started out in alcohol/drug abuse counseling) and decided to go with psych.
Brazelton is a good read for anyone trying to understand the specific dynamics. Thanks gain hun,hugs,Tina(hope you don't mind the hugs :>)

lisaBObeesa

**(hope you don't mind the hugs :>)**
Of couse I don't mind hugs, tina!! Thanks!
Hugs,
Lisa :)

Oldhippie

OK!!....Wow! that resonates!! So I've damaged my kids. What do I do to fix it?

TweetieBird

Thanks, Lisa for stimulating the brain cells. So much of what you said hits home. 2 of my children are legal adults, never baptized, but still raised with that "you have to conform" attitude, no wonder they rebelled against "the truth." They are still trying to figure out what they want to be when they grow up, hell so am I for that matter.

"By doubting we come at truth" -Cicero

Kat_

Wow, now I am a tad upset. I never thought about the whole JW thing should anything happen to my husband or myself! My children are so young and, while I know that I do not want them raised as JW's, I have no choice in who they would go to! All of my family members who I would even consider are JW's! All of them! My mother, my closest cousins and aunts...my goodness! I had always planned on either my mother or my cousin...but can you make a will stating that the guardians are not to raise the kids in their own religion? But even then how will the kids experience 'normalcy'? birthdays? holidays? UGH, this thread has created all new worries for me. Thanks a lot. <just teasing>

I know I am overreacting--I am praying that my kids will at least be teenagers should my number come up unexpectedly--but I really have discovered a new problem by reading the thread.

Kat

Pathofthorns

Nice post Lisa.

Also, bang on comments by Hillary Step re: the youth that return.

path

thinkers wife

EXCELLENT Lisa!! Dead on for what I have tried to describe to Thinker about myself. Clear and succinct!
And so very true!
HS,
Enjoyed your thoughts as well. My sentiments exactly!
TW

lisaBObeesa

I am bumping this thread for 'A Friend In Need'.....I am interested in her comments......

And because I am kinda proud of this old post..... :)

Raising Kids to be Cult Members!!!

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