Help Needed

by Genesis 19 Replies latest jw friends

  • Genesis

    Hi there its my first post here and I need some help (sorry if im on the wrong board). In march 2005 i was very weak spiritualy and began to read apostate litterature. By one month i was wishing to quit the WTS. But in the same time I became depressive and suicidal. I met the elders but they did not convince me. Waht happened is that 2 days before the day i planned to ask to be excommunicate, my first bible teacher called me and reasoned me (if i had plan to speak with him but not let him convince me) but when i was talking to him something happend and I wanted to turn back and return in the organization. They accepted me (i havent went too far) and I returned fully in the WTS. But after 5 month i have the same doubts that come back, but this time I dont want to take a decision fastly because i do it will be too hard to cope and i dont want to become depressive again (im becoming but trying to stop it). I neither wanted to read apostate litterature yet nor to read all the WTS. yesterday i argued about my doubt with one my friend JW but today i will bad. I dont know what to think.... But the fact is that im tired of the fear. The fear of the gods wrath, of dying in Harmagguedon of being disfellowshipped of bein a mean person..... I think its not God love. And im tired of having others saying waht to think, that I should not do Bodybuilding or read about Neurolinguistic programmation of even having a girlfriend, im 19 and i never held the hand of a girl. Can you help me by pointing me ways to leave but without too much pain or becoming depressed. I think that maybe i should replace my social circle before leaving, job and thoughts and then when i will have a backup frame i will leave the old one... last time i moved too fast (within one month i became apostate and returned as a model brother :S) Please give me your opinion... -------------------Heres another postof myself from another board----------- Im no more at home, i used to leave with my grandmother since i was 15 because my mother and father were disfelloshiped (not at same time). My brother and sister ahve left too. Normally I was considered as the Saved One of the family, the strong ( I have even did 3 different Interview at 3 different congress (in front of thousand people) about that. Im in a appart with a young Pionneer (hes now at his class of pionnership). I have a question to ask you people : Are you afraid, outside do you sometimes that youre wrong and the end of the world is coming soon ? How do you feel your spiritual needs ? Sorry for my English, im from Quebec canada...

  • serendipity

    Hi Genesis,

    Welcome to the forum! I haven't taken the path you're trying to take, so I'll leave it to others to comment. Well, maybe one comment. You mention that people were condemning your interest in bodybuilding or neurolinguistic programming. It will really help you in life if you make up your own mind based on facts and aren't so worried about what people think. It sounds like you're just about there, so stay the course.

    I wish you the best and know that you can find a solution that will work for you and bring you peace.

  • mouthy

    Are you afraid, outside do you sometimes that youre wrong and the end of the world is coming soon ? How do you feel your spiritual needs ? Sorry for my English, im from Quebec canada...

    well come to the board I do hope I didnt knock on your door when I was a JW... I come from Quebec & made 10 people JWs. Yes when you first have doubts it is very scary- that is because your mind was taken over by the WT.... I loved being a Jehovahs Witness because I had never examined anything else. & if you hear "THIS iS TRUTH every day & night ----you believe it. But I can tell you ( I am 78 years old )so experience is under my belt... I was a JW for 25 years I would have died for the Organization... But my dear please pray...Not to Jehovah to the Creator..... God !!!!ask Him to help you to stop feeling guilty when you use your thinking abilities He gave you a brain to use ...Not to be told what you had to believe. I have NEVER been happier in my life. Since I was disfellowshipped even though I would love my children back....And ask around in Quebec about Grace Gough... I too used to get up in front of thousands( assemblies) and talk about how wonderful it was to have the truth!!!!The Organization,,.. Lots of JWs know me. I live in Ontario now but my JW children ( daughter & grand kids) still are JWS in Quebec. They must not talk to me because I dont believe Jesus came in 1914 INVISABLY!!!! They teach hate NOT what God teaches LOVE!!!!!!!!UNCONDITIONAL LOVE!!!!!Please e-mail me if I can help

  • kls
    I have a question to ask you people : Are you afraid, outside do you sometimes that youre wrong and the end of the world is coming soon ? How do you feel your spiritual needs ? Sorry for my English, im from Quebec canada...

    First welcome and yes you have found the right place

    No i am not afraid of doing something wrong using my own mind and judgement and no i don't believe that the DEVIL has control .You did not mention Demons but doing something wrong ,according to the jws goes hand in hand,,,,,,,,,,,,So here goes,,,,,,,,

    Everyone is born with the knowledge of knowing right from wrong and being told that if you make a mistake in life you are Demonized, that is the wt controling tactics to keep you in their graps and if you don't follow their doctrine you are possesed and being pulled away from God .

    Is the end coming ? I really don't know but i will not live my life in fear that the jws teach and do not believe that being part of an organization worshiping their wrighting and to believe only what they print ( that are false) and the only ones to survive are jws .

    That tells me that the most wonderful people on the face of the earth are to die because they are not jws and believe their doctrine that is so flawed .

    You will learn so much here and can do your own research and learn why we are Apostates .It is really an eye opener.

  • kls

    Please feel comfortable here and ask any questions you would like .

    There's a great bunch here

  • GetBusyLiving

    Genesis, when I first started researching the Dubs I threw my blood card out of my car window in a rage.. then searched for it with tears in my eyes the next day because I felt some strange illogical guilt. It's called cognitive dissonance from years of Witness conditioning. It goes away but it takes time and support. I'm here for ya. PM me if you want and keep posting.


  • ballistic

    Genesis, it can be tough leaving if, as you say, you have no life or support network outside - and you are also very young so it can be a confusing time anyway. But I can say it gets easier with time and ex-jws live happy and fullfilling lives free from the guilt and pressure of the control of the organisation, and it can even help lift depression in some cases, although I'm not saying it will cure a clinical illness by any means. I am pleased you at least have some family to go to, as many do not and have to go completely alone. I hope things work out well for you.

  • AK - Jeff
    AK - Jeff

    Good to have you here Genesis.

    I think you have a good plan - to develop a social group outside the organization before leaving for good. It will aid in making the transition.

    No - I never fear dying at Armageddon. I have done nothing that I think God would condemn me for - I only left a religion that can be proven to be absolutely wrong in it's claim to have special relationship with God. Stick around. We can help and want to.


  • schne_belly

    Genesis--- Welcome! First off, YES you have found the right place. There are a wide variety of people here with so many different stories and experiences. We all learn from one another, it's great! It's totally natural to question what the right decision would be regarding leaving the religion. After all, the majority of us were brain washed by the WT at one point or another and it is so hard to retrain our thinking. Some never are totally able to over come it..... but I don't know of one person on this board who regrets the decisions they have made as to leaving and starting to think for themself. It's tough, but you have a bonus with the fact that your family is already out..... that should help. God will help you find your way.... and your friends here will too!

  • Confession

    Hi, Genesis...

    Many, many hearts are going out to you as they read the words of your post. We've been there.

    It's hard not to become angry at the Watchtower Society when we finally figure out that they are not what they claim to be. Personally, I've been able to make peace with it by realizing that most everyone within the organization did not know they were misleading us; they thought they were helping to bring us everlasting life.

    You are not a bad person for wanting to engage in bodybuilding. I do it too. There's nothing wrong with learning about neurolinguistic programming. I've looked into a great deal as well. Fascinating stuff. The JWs who tried to persuade you away from those things have been indoctrinated with a religious mindset that rejects as Satanic anything that does not conform to the Watchtower Society's own interests.

    You can get the help you need to ease the guilt and fear you feel. I think you'll find it helpful to come here and read our stories. Some of them may hit home with you. Some may not. But your own mind is leading you down the right path. You mind knows there's something wrong with keeping people in subjection through fear and intimidation.

    Ask us questions, give us your input... It may be months or it may be a year... But sometime soon your mind will begin to teach your heart to stop feeling all the things it's been misled to feel.

    Happiness Awaits!

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