Where is the love?

sweet tee

A newbie thread got me to thinking on this point. JW's are taught that their love is what identifies them as true Christians. But typing on another thread let me to this discovery:

What I expected from Witness friends and what I expect from my friends now are totally different. I couldn't confide a lot of things in my Witness friends because I didn't understand that many of us had the same feelings, doubts and fears, but we weren't able to discuss them freely because the society discouraged it. So I suffered alone and eventually left in pain and frustration ... I just had to get out and get a life.

Now that I may speak freely to whomever, I have learned a lot of things the GB didn't want me to know ... that's why they discourage witnesses from freely associating with each other ... they don't want the congregation to be swayed by the truth about the truth, and that is: Jehovah's Witnesses are human just like everyone else, with the same strenghts, weaknesses and struggles as the rest of the world. They would rather the rank and file believe they are above the rest of the world even though it isn't true that they are more loving than other religious religious faiths, they are actually much less loving than other organizations, religious or otherwise. But if you aren't allowed to associate or socialize with anyone else how would you know whether that was true or not? I get more love from co-workers and collegues than I ever have at the KH - but that's just me (where is the love now that I'm gone? If this love is so special nothing could extinguish it, but all it takes is a simple announcement and it vaporizes ... was it really love to begin with? Just thinking here).

Crumpet

tam i agree with you. i've had way more unexpected generosity from people who are so called worldlings than i ever got in the borg. uncountable experiences. and whats more they never expectd anything back. I'm still juvenile in being able to openly express kindness and love to people. its soooo rewarding. I have so much faith in humanity these days.

sweet tee

Hey Crumptet!

Isn't it weired though how the GB preaches love but actually prevents dubs from showing natural affection to one another? Now that all of us ex dubs are on this board we're much more 'loving' than we would have been at the KH because the GB conditioned us to judge everyone by their ridiculous standards, even ourselves. There's not much room for love in that.

MerryMagdalene

I couldn't confide a lot of things in my Witness friends because I didn't understand that many of us had the same feelings, doubts and fears, but we weren't able to discuss them freely because the society discouraged it.

Sweet tee-- I find this statement in particular to have been SO true. Not only were we isolated from people on the outside, but we were isolated from each other on the inside. I remember it so well.

And, additionally, that seems to me to lead to the fragmenting and isolating, within oneself, of certain thoughts and feelings. If there are doubts, then the harder you try to conform the worse the inner split becomes...you lie to yourself and continually have to bolster those lies (about what you think and feel) so that at least some part of you believes them and can fit in with everyone else, so that you are not singled out for "discipline."

Not healthy. Not loving.

~Merry

Ingenuous

I couldn't confide a lot of things in my Witness friends because I didn't understand that many of us had the same feelings, doubts and fears, but we weren't able to discuss them freely because the society discouraged it. So I suffered alone and eventually left in pain and frustration ... I just had to get out and get a life.

It's hard - not to mention, unwise - to confide in people who can and will betray you at any moment, who will use your fears and doubts against you. There is no real idea of "helping" with many elders - the focus is on "discipline", i.e., punishment, and crushing any small amount of pride or self-respect that would move one to ask questions and expect a response in the first place. Even those who want to help others often are so subsumed by the Org that when they step over the line, they can't even recognize what they're doing.

I have been embraced by my "worldly" associates - people who's acquaintance I made in the hopes that I could eventually convert them or at least get in a decent amount of time informal witnessing to them. I'm so grateful at least one of us knew what it meant to be a real friend.

AK - Jeff

When our house burned down many years back - and we were active dubs at that point - only one 'brother' actually bothered to show any real concern for us - and this among a cong of people we had known since we shed our sh*tty diapers. He gave us $300 to help - otherwise nill.

At my work they took up a collection and gave us bags of clothing. The local charities got in touch and asked if they could help. A friend of a workmate let us rent his house that he was planning on selling in a few months. Only thing the dubs cared about was getting us back to meetings and out in service right off.

Still - with all the damndable propoganda about this being the 'truth' and that God would kill us for leaving - it took years to finally get the facts and leave.

Today I find more friendship and love on this board than I did in the KH - and I don't even know you folks in person.

May God bless those who really love one another. Wherever they are found.

Jeff

sweet tee

I remember being so depressed that I just burst into tears after the meeting. Some of the sisters came around to console me but I wouldn't tell them what was wrong. I think you may have touched on it Merry - I was so confused within myself that I couldn't even understand why I felt this overwhelming sadness. This happened a few years before I left. When I got tired of towing the party line (study, meetings, FS - repeat; study, meetings, FS repeat indefinately/eternally) I started speaking more freely or more accurately, I started to let my OWN personality come thru with my two closest friends, then with the sisters who hung out in the rest-room on baby-duty and actually started being invited out more. That's about the time I realized that most of the 'friends' were doing things I wouldn't dare do ... and amazingly I stopped judging them. I wondered what was so wrong with going out and having a good time? More important, WHY WASN'T I DOING IT! O

Oh my GAWD - Bad association actually DOES spoil ~~useless~~ useful habits

sweet tee

Jamelle

Good topic! Looking back, I see little of love or even kindness in the congregations I grew up in. It was more like living in a soap opera - a really bad one.

One of the reasons I was so drawn to the "world" and "worldly" people was the kindness and interest they showed in me. I had been unpopular with the other kids in our hall for so long that it was intoxicating to realize that I really was somebody that others would truly like and want to be friends with.

Just a small piece to the larger puzzle of how I broke free - but important to me - as all the pieces are.

Real affection was non-existant. I think back of all those smiling faces and I think of bared teeth before an animal strikes. I remember a sister (someone who had alot of issues I think - but was friendly enough). I used to sit next to her at meetings sometimes. I was about 13 maybe, she was much older, late 30s I think.

During a couple meetings she put her arm around the back of my chair to hug me and left it there for a minute or two. Harmless - she wasn't been creepy - just nice. She was unmarried and missed not having children of her own. My mother told me I couldn't sit next to her anymore because people would think we were lesbians. WTF?!? Of all the really stupid, unbelieveable things that came out of my mother's mouth - that has got to be in the top 10!

delilah

Well, don't y'all know, JW's have the "secret" love...that "AGAPE", love haven't y'all "witnessed" it?? I saw the hypocrisy myself, save but for a couple of elderly sisters, who were genuinely interested in helping others. You could rely on the rest of the congregation, to NOT be there for very many people, unless you were in the "in" crowd. That's when i began to question the validity of their "love" and commitment to the congregation. I knew it was treacherous to tell anyone of my true feelings, for fear of being turned in....therefore, I set myself at a distance from others, and put on a brave face. I, too, have met far more loving, and kind, and giving people, OUTSIDE the congregation....my Catholic in-laws are more loving and considerate, than some of my JW family members....

sweet tee

My mother told me I couldn't sit next to her anymore because people would think we were lesbians. WTF?!?

jamelle - funny how many witnesses mistake affection for sex. I love anyone who loves my children and anyone who disrepects them is put on the s**t list pronto!

Well, don't y'all know, JW's have the "secret" love...that "AGAPE", love ROFLMAO!!!!!!!

Delilah - that is so, so true - their brand of love is something special. Like my mother used to say "if that's what you call love than I don't want me none."

AK - I can relate - when a sister and brother's 'rented' home caught fire the most the cong. did was take up a collection so they could have their meeting clothes dry cleaned I kid you not. When my rental home burned down I was offered so much stuff I had to start turning some of it down it was overwhelmingly loving. My family never experienced anything like it in the borg - NEVER. Their loving father won't even return their phone calls - ah ... the reds made me feel better.

sweet tee

Where is the love?

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