Taking control over our lives.

by Lady Lee 17 Replies latest jw friends

  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee

    This is such a huge issue for me. I don't want anyone to tell me what to do or how to live. In part this is due to the control that the WTS and the elders had over my life. It is also about the control my first husband, my mother, father, step-father, and foster parents who all abused me emotionally, physically and/or sexually.

    And over the last couple of years as my health has deteriorated my husband tried to take control over my life. I really don't respond well to that anymore. I hated it when he would talk for me. There was nothing wrong with my head. The problem was in my feet. I hated it when he would insist on coming with me to the doctors. It would be a struggle to leave him in the waiting room. He wanted to come in and take over. it drove me crazy. When his mother would visit he would tell her all my health problems. I know he did the same with the people he worked with. Despite my asking him not to he would tell them everything thinking I would never find out. Then he would slip up and say "so-and-so suggested something" and I knew they wouldn't be suggesting anything if he hadn't told them. Eventually I couldn't take his trying to control everything and I left him last year.

    I think this is a big issue for so many people who have had control taken away by others. Coming out of the JWs I realized that I had to learn some things about decision making and taking control over my life.

    I think the whole idea of following any rules works its way into this too. So many of us are angry with all the control the WTS had over our lives. And they used the elders as watchdogs over us. Now we want, need, to control what we do and where we go and how we do things. Sort of like a teen with really strict parents many go out and do all the things that were forbidden. I know doing that got me into some hot water a few times until I learned where my boundaries were.

    So my question is:

    How do you deal with this issue of control over your life?

  • skyman
    skyman

    I feel that some control is very good for me. I don't fool around with other women so my wife is happy and over all this is good for my family. I don't murder those who I do not like this is good for all. I obey the laws of the land this is good for all. I do not breath under water this is good for me. What I am saying control is good as long as it is the correct control.

  • misspeaches
    misspeaches

    Growing up as a JW and have zero freedom made me feel like I had no control over my life at all. Then I found one thing I could control and that was my body. No one else had control over it except me. I developed Bulimia but I felt empowered because I was in charge. Then I started cutting myself and again felt that same empowerment.

    It's easy now that I am no longer with the witnoids to just let someone take charge of things. But sometimes I get to the point where I know I have to stand up for myself. That I can't be a doormat. Its all about gradually learning to be assertive. A good dose of tact with assertiveness doesn't hurt either.

  • atypical
    atypical

    Lady Lee, thank you for this topic. I am in the middle of trying to fade away, and this is a huge issue for me. I have found that I will overreact to control, even at inappropriate times. Anytime I feel that I am being forced into something, I spiral into a mix of anger and panic.

    I realize rationally that I am the only one who has control over my actions. This really is true pretty much all the time, unless somehow I get thrown into a concentration camp (well, it's something witnesses fear!). So I am trying to learn how to stop overreacting to what other people do, and start reacting to situations in the way that is best for me and mine.

    Personally, I think witnesses are taught that other people are in control of their future, and if they do not please those people, Jehovah does not love them. It's really hard to shake off that thinking. On the flip side, I have developed a very bad attitude towards authority in general. I try to console myself with the old "Life is a Journey" thought and just keep trying.

  • codeblue
    codeblue

    Thanks so much for starting this topic.

    I feel I am in a quandry with being in control of my life COMPLETELY.

    I don't feel like I am given respect for this even though I am out of a controlling religion....maybe that is why I get so angry???

  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee

    skyman

    What I am saying control is good as long as it is the correct control.

    Controlling oneself is a whole other issue. Knowing what is correct or best for me is the challenge!

    misspeaches

    Growing up as a JW and have zero freedom made me feel like I had no control over my life at all. Then I found one thing I could control and that was my body. No one else had control over it except me. I developed Bulimia but I felt empowered because I was in charge. Then I started cutting myself and again felt that same empowerment.

    That is scary stuff. I hope you have or are getting some help for it. Sadly everything I read or hear about eating disorders and cutting is that it often stems from a sense of lack of control over the person's life. Hopefully the more in control you feel the less you will have the urge to do this to yourself (((((misspeaches)))))

    It's easy now that I am no longer with the witnoids to just let someone take charge of things. But sometimes I get to the point where I know I have to stand up for myself. That I can't be a doormat. Its all about gradually learning to be assertive. A good dose of tact with assertiveness doesn't hurt either.

    Yea it's easy to let others take over but I disccovered that in the long run it just doesn't work for me. Eventually all those controllers in my life want total control. Assertiveness skills can be learned so keep at it

    atypical

    Personally, I think witnesses are taught that other people are in control of their future, and if they do not please those people, Jehovah does not love them. It's really hard to shake off that thinking. On the flip side, I have developed a very bad attitude towards authority in general. I try to console myself with the old "Life is a Journey" thought and just keep trying.

    yup it is hard to shake. I used to be so scared all the time and it turned me into a people pleaser - no boundaries whatsoever. I had to learn that it was OK that not everyone thought i was wonderful. I didn't like everyone I met and there are some people I would prefer didn't like me. Took me well into my 40's to learn that one the hard way. I like being human rather than perfect. It is so much kinder to myself

    codeblue

    I feel I am in a quandry with being in control of my life COMPLETELY.

    I don't feel like I am given respect for this even though I am out of a controlling religion....maybe that is why I get so angry???

    I have learned that I would rather be alone to do what I want, when I want, than be with some one who disrespects me. I hate being treated like I was a stupid child. Especially by people who have done a heck of a lot with their own lives.

    Funny thing I am thinking as I am typing this - when I was a kid I was treated like an adult and expected to act like an adult. Now I am an adult and too many people want to treat me like a child. You just can't win with some people

  • bailabklyn
    bailabklyn

    This is a huge issue for me as well. If I don't feel free in some way, i get out or I get angry.

    Work - I create my own schedule and I will not work in an environment where a higher up is breathing down my neck. I freelance for the most part.

    Relationships - i feel the need to be in control and the thought of being in a serious relationship scares the mess out of me. i have felt confined in the past.

    Other situations - if i feel someone is trying to make me do something, there is a big problem.

  • misspeaches
    misspeaches

    Thank you LL for your concern for me.... I have pretty much got over that obstacle in my life. Occasionally it raises its ugly little head but I have it pretty much under control. But thank you.

  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee

    bailabklyn

    Yes I really think it does wind up spreading into all areas of our lives.

    misspeaches

    I'm so glad to hear that

  • stopthepain
    stopthepain

    As a youngster,the control my parents took over who I could hang out with was horrible.This was all done with the elders encouragement,who were chosen by jehoba{hahaha}.I always knew I liked my friends from school better,and was forced to hang out with kids from the hall.It is a warped way to live.Children feel helpless,and you must obey your parents---------------or else.

    The control just funnels down from the top.

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