I may have sealed my fate - part three

by atypical 13 Replies latest jw friends

  • atypical

    I just wanted to give a quick update to anyone who might have read my earlier posts on this subject.

    Tonight my wife, who is very active in the hall, has a talk in the back school. I would like to go with her. I haven't been to a meeting in about three months, and I really don't want to be there, but I want to support my wife. But of course, the people who supposedly have so much love are making it a difficult decision for me. Two nights ago an elder called our phone at ten o'clock at night and left a message wanting to know when he and the PO could come by for a sheperding call. This elder is the same man who has told ones in the hall that I am "bad association". This is the third time he has asked to come by. It reminds me of Randy Watters' story. I do not know if it is significant at all that he wants to bring the PO, instead of just a ministerial servant in training, as is usually the case.

    To make it more complicated, my wife's talk is with the daughter of this same elder. I feel like I will be walking into a trap if I go. But it makes me angry to think even for a second that my freedom is restricted.

    To make matters worse, I almost get the feeling that it will be a stress on my wife if I go, since she will be worried the whole time if something is going to happen. I have a way of getting very nasty when I get pushed to far. I don't yell or turn red, I don't cuss, but I very quietly state my feelings and will not walk away until I have made my point to whoever needs to hear. Of course, knowing what I know, that could get me a free trip to df land.

    I have tried very hard to deal with my situation personally, without trying to stop my wife from engaging in service or other activities, and it blows my mind that it should be a problem for her and I to be together for her talk tonight. I guess I can't have it both ways.

  • YoursChelbie
    Two nights ago an elder called our phone at ten o'clock at night and left a message wanting to know when he and the PO could come by for a sheperding call.

    If these elders have already decided that you are "bad association" they are likely wanting to "visit" so that they can get more information about why you haven't been to meetings. This is just what they are instructed to do by the "society." Anything you say can and will be held against you. If you don't want them to form a JC meeting or a "ruling" against you, then don't give them the chance.


  • AK - Jeff
    AK - Jeff

    I find the call after 10:00 to be odd. Seems like the right timing for them to have just concluded an elder's meeting, and you made the agenda?

    Since your wife understands the predicament it seems - I would support her at home and let her know you will be with her in spirit. You sound like me - I can not shut up when I know things that I think should be told - and df land might be the outcome if you do that.

    I vote - stay home.


  • AlmostAtheist

    "Boy, Brother Witchunt, I'd love to talk with you tonight, but I am really not feeling well. I only came to the meeting tonight to hear my wife's talk. She worked so hard on it, and I just HAD to drag myself here to hear it. But I've GOT to get home and lay down. I hope I don't throw up in the car..."

    In the grand Karmic scale, lying to liars doesn't count at all!


  • Finally-Free

    How about:

    "I'm sorry brother, but I don't want to talk with you."

    If he persists:

    "I said I don't want to talk to you. It's a simple statement. What part of it don't you comprehend?"

    And just walk away.


  • serendipity

    Take separate cars to the meeting. Walk into the meeting late. Be there for your wife. Leave immediately after the TMS, leaving your books for your wife to carry, so they think you're just going to the restroom. Maybe this will keep you from getting cornered.

  • Crumpet

    Go and support your wife - its she that you care about not them lot of blackmailers. Be kind and swift in your response with them and mention that calling at 10pm really isn't on at your house. Say try to have some thoughts for those who have to sleep, who have work early r something and brisk your way off with a smile.

  • GetBusyLiving

    I say be assertive with these elders. The dubs thrive on push-over sort of people. I'm with Crumpet, go to the meeting then afterwards tell them not to call you so late at night.


  • atypical

    Thanks for the advice, everybody. I agree YoursChelbie, they must be hoping to find some dirt on me by doing this "shepherding call". I heard someone call it "fishin' and wishin'"

    that shepherding call will never happen. If I get cornered on it, I am going to tell them that I will let them know if I ever want a shepherding call.

    As far as whether or not I go, I can see both sides of it. I agree with you, Jeff, that I can be there for her in spirit, but I guess I really want to be there in person for my wife. She has stood by me through all this, and even though she doesn't seem to have any doubts about the religion, she also has shown that she will not put up with anybody badmouthing me, even elders.

    Serendipity, I like your plan as far as keeping a low profile is concerned.

    Dave, Finally-Free, Crumpet and GBL, I like your direct approaches. They appeal to the attitude in me, and I think GBL is totally right about the pushover thing. I think that has hurt me in the past. Dave, your plan is great because a true personal problem always seems to send the brothers running!!

  • Jourles

    Sounds like an "investigative committee" to me. Been there done that. Except mine already had their ducks in a row.

    If I had to do it all over again, I would say, "Piss off."

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