I'm so lonely...

by bull01lay 11 Replies latest social humour

  • bull01lay
    bull01lay

    I'm feeling a bit lonely at the moment and so I decided life would be more

    fun if I had a pet. So, I went to the pet shop and told the owner that I

    wanted to buy an unusual pet.

    After some discussion, I finally bought a Centipede, which came in a little

    white box

    to use for his house.

    I took the box back home, found a good location for it, and decided I would

    start off by taking my new pet to the pub to have a drink. So,I asked the

    centipede in the box, "Would you like to go down the Queen's Head with me

    and have a beer?" But there was no answer.

    This bothered me a bit, but I waited a few minutes and then asked him again,

    "How

    about going to the pub for a drink?" But again, there was no answer from my

    new friend and pet.

    So, I waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation I decided to

    ask him one more time; this time putting my face up against the centipede's

    house and shouting, "Hey, in there! Would

    you like to go to The Queen's Head and have a drink with me?"

    A little voice came out of the

    box:.........................................................................

    .............................................................................

    .............................................................................

    .............................................................................

    .............................................................................

    I heard you the first time! I'm putting my F***ing shoes on."

  • vitty
    vitty


    I thought you were being serious till you asked it to the pub LOL

  • Crumpet
    Crumpet

    SWEET!

  • gumby
    gumby

    LOL

    Did you read this morning in the news about the two blondes who froze to death at the drive in movies?

    They went to see "Closed for the Winter".

    Gumby

  • FMZ
    FMZ

    Superman was kinda bored so he just started flying around looking for something to do. He's flying over Wonder Woman's house and sees her bedroom window is open. He stops for a glimpse and sees her lying on her bed naked. She's lying there and squirming around looking real hot.

    Superman was getting turned on looking at her so he decides what the hell, I can just fly in real quick, give her the ole' in-out and be out of there before she even knows what hit her. After all he is Superman. So, in he goes, wham-bam and he's out of there.

    Wonder Woman knew something happened and says, "What was that?" The invisible man says, "I don't know but, damn, is my ass sore."

    FMZ

  • Elsewhere
    Elsewhere

    lmao!

  • katiekitten
    katiekitten

    Hmmmm the insects are having a football match and at half time they decide to bring on the contipede. The comentator says 'there goes a pair o legs, pair o legs, pair o legs, pair o legs, ...' The audience cheers 'ERE WI GO ERE WI GO ERE WI GO...'

  • sandy
    sandy

    The centipede joke was both, funy and adorable.

  • Cordelia
    Cordelia

    that was so funny, tho i thought you were serious i think i will get one, (shows how desperate ive become!) but it must beat guniea pigs and cats crapping everywhere at least the centipedes crap would be tiny ( i hope)

    hey just ignore me! im mental.

  • LittleToe
    LittleToe

    ROFL

    You guys really crack me up!

Share this

Google+
Pinterest
Reddit