by Super_Becka 58 Replies latest social relationships
Thanks HLife, I hadn't found that thread in my lurking.
Becka - really look into what you are heading for. It may not be your bf or partner causing problems, but his family can be horrible.
Make sure this is what you want, and give it time to learn lots about each other
As you say at the moment hes not active, thats why hes so tolerant and understanding. If you were to marry in all likely hood he would go back to the hall. Ive seen this happens many times, especially as he still believes its just a matter of time.
Once hes active again, then your problems will start and I really mean problems, big ones !!!
Before you even contemplate carrying on with your relationship, he needs to know the full truth about the religion. He must agree to look at critical information, if he wont there is your answer, dont go any further with this relationship.
If he agrees to he may see the light and then you may have a future, although youll always have problems if his family are still in the borg.
Super...sorry you are going through this.
Your post honestly is like dozens of others I've seen. These seem to come about 2 per week. Yes we know THIS relationship is special. Yes we know you have so much in common. Yes he's the nicest, sweetest, whatever guy you've ever met. Yes we also know that you will dismiss the advice you recieve here and continue dating this putz.
My disgust is not directed at you, so please don't think that. I get tired of these putz's who knowingly ensnare a "worldly" girl/guy. Then they slowly yet surely choke out any remenants of yourself. WHY CAN'T THESE JW PUTZ'S DATE OTHER JW'S??? Playing their little game on unsuspecting conquests just disgusts me.
So my advice is RUN, RUN, RUN. Change your phone number. Change your email address. Move across town if you have to. But you won't. You'll stick around for more of the heartbreaking abuse and it just makes me sad and angry at your boyfriend and his ilk that ply their trade. When I was a Dub I watched many "peers" do this same crap. It was almost like a power trip. They got the "ultimate prize" a worldly girl/guy. Then when the heat became too much to bear, they dumped them promptly without a single shred of remorse.
Sorry you are going through this but welcome to the party. Perhaps this is your cross to bear. Who knows.
Your Friend, Enigma
Well, it looks like you are a smart cookie and you know what questions to ask. I am a bit worried about your trial run this coming summer.
If it becomes an issue, I'm very adamant about what I want for my children - they will have all the things I had as a child, like Christmas and Easter and Halloween and birthdays and everything else, and I will not prevent them from receiving blood if they need it, nor will I be refusing blood.
How would you feel if you invested a full summer with this wonderful guy, become fully emotionally invested, and THEN you find out he would never agree to a blood transfusion for a child of his? For your own sake, work these things out NOW before you become too much more attached. You don't have to commit, just talk hypotheticals. "If you ever had a child.."
Yeah, JW's are often embarrassed how different they are from regular society. Sometimes they bend over backwards to prove they are "normal". IF your man is of the type who has walked away, he has definitely not done any deep thinking about WHY. This is the danger. He has not worked through the JW programming, figured out how he was manipulated. This makes him a hazard to rejoin at any time.
He needs to be fully deprogramed before you ever get any more involved. You like holidays? This is probably how they will go for you, you will be excited and joyful this Christmas with your new honey, you will even probably buy him a gift. He will not get you anything. He will probably accept gift all the while saying, 'you really shouldn't have' and secretly happy you did. You will be alone in your excitement for the holiday and he will find any gatherings you go to merely something he has to do to please you. He may even act a bit odd at these get togethers. He will not say Merry Christmas, or any greetings of the like and probably ignore any comments like that made to him. You will feel a bit of loss after the holidays as though something was missing. And it was, being able to share the joy of the holiday season. Walking on egg shells and trying not to offend him as much as possible while trying to juggle the normal activities with nonjw family & friends.
Hi everyone,
OK, I have another question for all of you, if you don't mind. I've said before that I'm not quite ready to just let this relationship go to Hell (heh, which is funny metaphor given that JWs don't even believe in Hell), so now I'd like to read some critical, objective sources on the WTS, something that isn't too biased or subjective, and then I'd like to ask my boyfriend to read them, too. I've been researching on my own, without telling my boyfriend about it (I don't want to offend him, I just want to be informed and know what I'm getting myself into), but I could really use some help in locating good, reliable, objective sources.
Any suggestions for good reading materials, books or websites or whatever, that don't sound too much like anti-JW propaganda (because I know that's what he'll see it as if it's too blatantly anti-WTS)?? I'd like to look into getting my hands on something that will point out the flaws and lies and doublethink of the WTS that I can read and then share with my boyfriend without being too offensive toward him - I know if I push something really biased on him, he'll get offended and he'll never give it a chance.
Again, everyone, thanks so much for the advice, I really appreciate it. Don't be afraid to tell me what you think or ask me anything that might clarify the situation and where I stand here, I'm pretty honest, I'll answer anything. Keep the posts coming!!
-Becka :)
Try this one for starters...http://quotes.watchtower.ca/
BTW...the WTS is suing the owner of this site as we speak, it is too embarrassing for them!
I've been researching on my own, without telling my boyfriend about it (I don't want to offend him, I just want to be informed and know what I'm getting myself into), but I could really use some help in locating good, reliable, objective sources.Any suggestions for good reading materials, books or websites or whatever, that don't sound too much like anti-JW propaganda (because I know that's what he'll see it as if it's too blatantly anti-WTS)??
That's just it......any research material you come up with that disputes what they're saying or expecting from you at any given moment.......the first thing they'll do is call into suspect your motives and ask where did you get this information, especially if it's embarrassing for them or their beloved WT organization.
But, by all means....try it.
Crisis of Conscience by Ray Franz for him, Releasing the Bonds by Steve Hassan for you.
run, dont do it. It is a can of worms.
