Post DF: Trying to make friends of family

by banished1 17 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Why Georgia

  Hi Banished,

  I'm sorry your feelings were hurt. I think its nice that you tried to do something for them. Perhaps it would be easier to ask them yourself instead of having your brother as the go between.

  They may be better off financially than you and don't want you to put yourself in a hole financially buying them gifts....or there may be hard feelings.

  Either way the only way you'll find out is to ask.

  If you feel you want to do something for them a donation to a charitable organisation is always nice....in their name of course.

  WG
• 

  Jez

  You informed us of the following:

  Just got an email from my fleshly athesist brother

  Why did you feel the need to tell us that he was an athesist? Secondly: You said you felt like you were punched in the stomach and

  "Ouch baby ouch"

  Why does this hurt you so much?

  Just curious, Jez
• 

  stillconcerned

  Banished-

  I wonder if he really understood he was hurting you-- after all, he's male, and may not have made the connection...

  A simply communal gift or card would be a good idea, i think.

  Have you tried to 'clear the air' with bro' and sis in law?

  Sometimes acknowledging past error works wonders..
• 

  Es

  Oh banished big hugs thats terrible, I feel for you i really do, I would send a card and the choc like you suggested, show them your bigger than them.

  all the best

  es
• 

  theinfamousone

  let them act like that.... soon enough i guarantee they will fell badly for acting in such a childish, and utterly moronic way... im sorry man, dont forget u have us as family... u can send me gifts any time...

  the infamous one
• 

  FreeWilly

  Hi Banished1,

  Maybe you non-JW family has a few wounds of its own. Unfortunately when we became JW's we were taught that non-JW's were bad association and consciously or unconsciously treated them as such. Try to imagine how this might have been received. Only now that you are "out of favor" with JW's have you turned back to them. Maybe they don't like being your relatives of last resort - I know I wouldn't.

  Give it time and maybe eat a little humble pie this year. If all they want is a card maybe you could write them a heartfelt letter. I'm sure it will get better with time.

  -FW
• 

  nilfun

  My husband counseled me last night to BE STRONG and IGNORE IT ALL!
  
  WHO CARES WHAT PEOPLE THINK? WE HAVE EACH OTHER THATS ALL THAT MATTERS!

  
  I think it is great that your husband is so supportive. With a friend like that, there's no doubt that you can get through this.

  I have some relatives who are estranged because of the isolationist way I was raised as a JW. And it can be tough because there are a few who have the inability to wrap their brains around the idea that I have rejected the way in which I was raised. And yeah, it can hurt, but now I am at the point where I just don't have the time or inclination to worry about how to gain their approval now that I am out. They'll either come around eventually -- or they won't.

  I know you have the additional complication of things done while under the influence. That's a difficult situation, because some people whose trust has been damaged never forgive, as is their right -- but you do what you can to make it right. After that, stay on the positive side of things like your husband says, keep your chin up and keep on keeping on, you know? Always remember that there is something special and lovely and good that he sees in you, and that can make all the difference during tough situations like what you're experiencing right now.
• 

  Frog

  heya banished, you can make it up to them matey, but always takes time. Despite that many of us feel that our family should be there no matter what, and all forgiving and all that, in reality it just don't happen that way. You have to convince yourself that you're worthy of their love and affection, and they will come back to you in your own time. I fully concur with how you feel, although my situation is a little different. Be patient and work at it, and you'll do fine:)) frog x