Post DF: Trying to make friends of family

banished1

Just got an email from my fleshly athesist brother. He might as well have punched me in the stomach.
He informed me the family does not want me to send any Christmas gifts this year, that anything they want they can buy for themselves. Just a card would be appreciated, if I must.
Ouch baby, very ouch!

For all of their life as a family I was a Witness and never sent them even a greeting for Christmas.
Being dfd, last year I sent them a box of individually wrapped gifts for each member including the dog.
I had so much fun wrapping and bowing and writing notes on each....
I guess I forgot the kids are now 19, 17 and 15.
And the wife is an MD and they are fairly wealthy.
I also try to forget that I spent the last 4 years in a drunken stupor and did and said things my MD sister in law doesnt forget.

Has this happened to you? You leave your witness family who now think you're garbage only to find your worldly family thinks you're low scum too?

I may be over-reacting to his email. I know my sister in law is real careful about her house and taking on needless junk. I can appreciate that. And their kids, I really hardly know them. I cant know what they like. I may have sent all the wrong things last year.

I may just send the family a large can of chocolate rocha.
What's wrong with that? Who would hate that?

.......slowly trying to understand life.......

Banished

misanthropic

Oh banished1 that makes me so sad. I can't understand why they would say that in any situation. No matter what has happened in the past, I would think they would want to embrace you and make you a part of the Holidays. I think what you did was very thoughtful sending everyone special gifts.

lola28

((((((((((((Banished)))))))))

You know we never realize who we hurt until it is too late. My sisters are so paranoid that I wont be there for their birthday this year, one of them still remembers that a few years ago I missed their birthday to go to meeting. She keeps asking if I'm actually going to be around this year, it hurts so much to think that she still remembers I put something else ahead of her

But we can't take back the things that we have done we can only try and make it better, it will take a while for your brother to really trust that this is who you are now but when he does I'm sure things will get better.

Until then my offer still stands and you can be my adopted sister.

lola

AK - Jeff

I may be over-reacting to his email. I know my sister in law is real careful about her house and taking on needless junk. I can appreciate that. And their kids, I really hardly know them. I cant know what they like. I may have sent all the wrong things last year.

No matter the 'actual' truth of the motive, this is not a bad way to think of it. Slanting it this way in your mind makes it palatable and you can move past it.

It hurts to lose your family to join the cult, then to lose your cult family when you leave, only to find that your flesh and blood are now not close due to the past. Of course the abuse of alcohol you mention is prob part of the picture.

Why not send them that box of chocolates -and a big Christmas card that says I love you. See what happens.

You can only control you, not them.

Love Large !!!!!

Jeff

banished1

Thanks Lola and misanthropic,
yes, you are right, I must be patient.
I have done alot of damage to my reputation..(DUH!!!)

Things take time.

I am trying hard to find wisdom and do the right thing in stressful situations.
(Havent always done so. I guess you gathered that)
Guess I am growing up.

Did I tell you all that after I married I sent an email to my new husbands sister telling her how happy I was finally after years of tears.

I got a weird email back.....not from her...but from a colleague of hers at the university!
It appears my new sis-in-law was gossipping about me and sent along my happy email to her colleague who
mistakenly hit SEND back to me instead of sissy!

She said "Wow, what a load of crap! That's just the honeymoon high talking! Give her time. Hope she gets off the booze for your brother's sake!"

Welcome to the new family.
I did not reply either to the sister in law or her stupid friend.
I just made a note to myself to never share a personal matter with her again.

It came to me that, some people just are not happy that you are happy.

But again, it may be that people need more time to believe I am a changed person.

I have been praying to God for help to understand and keep my sobriety and calm.
It is not easy.

I wish I was the type who did not give a fig for what people think......unfortunately I do.
My husband counseled me last night to BE STRONG and IGNORE IT ALL!
WHO CARES WHAT PEOPLE THINK? WE HAVE EACH OTHER THATS ALL THAT MATTERS!

yeah.

thanks my JWD sisters for the love and hugs and for reading this.

Banished

banished1

And thankyou AK-Jeff

Jez

It's could be Karma biting you in the ass, or not...

Jez

damselfly

He informed me the family does not want me to send any Christmas gifts this year, that anything they want they can buy for themselves. Just a card would be appreciated, if I must.

I thought that it wasn't uncommon for some families to only exchange x-mas cards with each other instead of gifts? Maybe this is the situation here as well? I would send a lovely card, a few pictures and maybe the chocolate too or some really good coffee.

As for the forwarded email? That was so rude and uncalled for. If it was me I would fire one back saying that if you're going to talk behind my back fine, just make sure I don't hear about it!!

I was glad to hear you have a significant other, I worried about you being alone.

Dams

banished1

Karma huh? Please explain more about how this Karma works.

Jez

Has this happened to you? You leave your witness family who now think you're garbage only to find your worldly family thinks you're low scum too?

When we were witnesses, we lessened our association with our "worldly" family or outright ignored them. We ignored THEIR beliefs, (ie Christmas), the things that they held sacred, (ie birthdays) and then, when we become "worldly", we somehow expect them to open their arms wide.

Maybe they see it as: Christmas was ignored before by you because you knew better and now it is done over the top by you, because you know better. Always one step above 'them'. Do you think it is possible that they did nothing "rude", rather they are trying to force you to respect their traditions, customs, beliefs rather than YOU setting the rules of engagement??? They have told you what they want, but you still want to do something different. ???

Just a possibility...Jez

Post DF: Trying to make friends of family

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