Rollercoaster Ride

PoppyR

Hey everyone

Just want to say after finding this site and others just a few days ago I feel like my world is upside down. I just dont know what to believe. I see in black and white what I have been taught is not true, and yet cannot let go of the feeling that maybe this is just apostate thinking and all I need to do is have faith etc etc. I've had so many highs and lows. The initial high of thinking... wow, I've been lied to, I can walk away with a clean conscience and let go of all that horrible guilt. But then I've had lows of looking at ones in the congregation and thinking it must be right, there has to be a god, he must have a purpose, even though the 'organisation' is imperfect, it is nearer than most. I have gone over and over the 607 thing, and am waiting for my Raymond Franz book to go over it again! I am so impressed by the life stories I've read, that have proven to me that many here have been longstanding and faithful and have been just as shocked by what they've found out as me. And they have such a ring of truth about them. It's obvious from the posts here, nobody is pretending to be what they're not. We have all been there, we all BELIEVED it to be the truth! The money at assemblies thing has ALWAYS bothered me. Why do they ASK for a certain amount, it cant be right, when it's not what we owe.. But it has honestly NEVER occured to me someone is profiting! Today I was sitting with my extended family at a meal, every one a witness, and thinking.. if they KNEW what I'd been looking at and what I was thinking..lol!

Anyway, just checking in and saying where I'm at (when I find out which way up I am, I'll let you know!) Need to do more reading and more thinking! But this place has been a haven for me anytime I can get online! I want to say how I really appreciate the support.

Poppy xx

Jordan

Welcome to the board. And I know what you mean, this place definitely changes your perspective...

riko

I know exactly how you feel poppy, I felt exactly the same when I first found this site, that feeling of 'yeah there's something in this' followed by an immediate 'I'm letting apostate thinking into my mind!' All you can do is read, research and find what's right in your own heart.You can still have a belief in God and in my view, you can still worship and have a relationship with Him without being involved in any kind of organisation. I always think of how personal your faith is and how no-one has the right to direct it.

I hope you find some clarity, the same that I'm also searching for but I imagine it's a long road, it's a good job we've somewhere like this to go, eh?

tetrapod.sapien

hey poppy,

i so know and understand the feelings you are having right now.

my suggestion: start reading books and online sites, and don't stop for several months. if you drop this apostate stuff, and go back to the borg, the cognitive dissonance will drive you crazy, now that you have had a glimpse of the outside.

don't take other peoples word for things in finality, but look up the sources for yourself, and study things yourself.

i started with evolution and creation, but most everyone else starts with the watchtower doctrine.

research the watchtower doctrine. you will find that it does not continue standing.
research the psychology of high control groups.
research the secular historicity of the bible and christianity.
start learning about science and scientific method.

i would be pleased to offer suggestions as to good books and web sites, if you want. let me know if you do.

best wishes on your journey. we all go about it differently and end up at different places. it's no big deal as to how or why. the important thing is teaching yourself to start thinking for yourself. the above four points are good places to start.

and remember, we are always here at this board if you want to talk or vent.

TS

PoppyR

Thank you guys, and I know you understand! But I also agree.. once this can of worms has been opened the lid is impossible to get back on! Those little suckers just keep wriggling out! No wonder the organisation are so intent on not a word of 'apostate' literature being looked at. I went to my first meeting in a long time today (family thing) and for the first time in years I was carefully looking up all the scriptures.. cross referencing, trying to think what it would read like if there was no 'spin' on it, and now I wonder how anyone is coming along at all.. well in our cong their not! but if it was me and I had never been brought up in the 'truth' I would NEVER believe it! When Blondie commented today on the WT and the fact it said 'one reference'... and didn't quote the reference, it just kept jumping off the page at me.. it doesn't mean or prove a thing so why have I never noticed it before? And why did I consider myself open minded? Why did I never notice that word 'SUBMIT' which is peppered through the literature? And every other paragraph has a reference to the organisation or FDS...

I would be VERY interested to learn more about your research on mind control etc.. because these people are intelligent, educated etc why do they stay!! Why did I stay? lets face it I'm only here now because I drew far enough away myself through lack of energy to do it, not because I thought it wasn't true.

Poppy x

stevenyc

Hi Poppy, and welcome. I'm 36, and left the organisation 15 years or so ago, and only recently found how wrong I was to put my faith in it. I love the title for your topic, it explains exactly how it was for me with my searches and discoveries on the whole structure of this pompous little cult. Hang in for the rest of the ride, you've started now and there's no getting off. It fun and scary, but you'll end with a smile. Take care, Steve.

garybuss

The reason why they all stay is they like being a Witness. It's entertainment. It's like a play only the actors follow you home. It's a social club complete with written excuses for not doing about everything a successful person needs to do. It's an economy and a travel club. It's a wholesale buying club. It's a network.
It's a superstition. It has legends and living mystics. It's incredible for those prone to delusions and conspiracy theories. It's a complete living program complete with laws, punishments, instant friends, and promised rewards. Where else can a High School drop out get Minister designation and never spend one day in a theology class?

tetrapod.sapien

holy gary, that was the most incredible thing you just posted. those thoughts. wow, thanks.

ts

PoppyR

Hey Gary

I think for some people that's true, definitely not for me, I NEVER liked being a witness! Always hated the ultra conservative ness because I'm so NOT conservative, always hated the way they put women down, always hated the same old stuff coming over meeting after meeting. I did not go for self importance, I carried on going mainly I think out of fear that if I didn't.. and Armageddon came tomorrow, next week or next year like I was SURE it would, except in this past few years I would have died .. and for what? I believed it, that's why I carried on going. So supposed I answered my own question!

Poppy xx

greendawn

A lot of people stay because they are trapped in the org they've been here for a long time or they were born into the org and their friends and family are all there, they lost touch with "worldly" friends and relatives.

Other intelligent persons may have a position in the congo that gives them a sense of importance so they enjoy being there, and still for others as Garry says it's a big social club more than anything else.

Rollercoaster Ride

Share this