1st step? (page 4)

tetrapod.sapien

welcome to the board daniel-p!

no, you are not insane at all, and no one is laughing at you. quite to the contrary on both points actually.

may your stay be a productive as mine has.

cheers,

TS

We all know how hard it is taking that first step especially if we have been brought up in the "truth" and its all we know. I was like you, i have been a fader for 3 years now, and im telling you the world out there is a wonderful place. I have never been happier. But the process is very scary getting there. My folks still talk to me, but i know if i must D\A or get D\F they wont. This plays on my mind alot especially since i have a son there only grandson!!!!

But i cant compromise how i feel and how i want my life to go. Its hard, really hard but take each day as it comes and it def gets easier and better

All the best

looking forward to hearing more

es

tall penguin

Welcome Daniel-P. I applaud your courage for taking this first step. I admire you for being willing to open yourself up and share your experience with us. This is a great group here. This forum has been instrumental in my healing process after I disassociated back in August. The doubts, the confusion, the anxiety you're feeling are all normal reactions to the cognitive dissonance you've had to contend with for so long.
Continue to share, at your own pace, and know that we're listening.
tall penguin

Legolas

((((Welcome to the board))))

Darth Yhwh

Welcome.

1st step? No, posting here is not the first. The first is thinking for your self and judging from your post your well beyond that.

Lady Lee

it seems to me that most people (general public) know one thing about the JWs. They don't take blood.

They didn't learn that from JWs. they learned that from the media.

And that really makes me wonder how effective their "ministry" is

LeslieV

First welcome to the board. It takes courage to begin to express yourself. I know for me the first time I even verbalized my doubts, I really felt like I would be stuck by lightening by Jehovah or the organization.

You mentioned that you felt ill, so did I. My hands were shacking and my heart was beating so fast I could hardly catch my breath. Just know that we are all interested in you, and there is no one laughing at what you are experiencing. Keep coming back Daniel. We look forward to hearing more from you.

Leslie

jgnat

I see that everyone has been very good, especially Lady Lee, to provide individualized feedback to you. So I’ll just add a few thoughts. By the way, I am a non-JW, regular Christian, married to a JW. I attend a regular church down the street.

I see you put a lot of pressure on yourself to have the “right motive”. You feel guilty about going to school because your reasons may not be perceived as good enough for the brothers? Why would a grown man have to give anyone a good reason to further his education? There is nothing wrong to pursue something you are good at. To bury your talent may be a sin against God. But I see JW’s do it all the time in order to conform. I very much dislike this advice:

They said there is nothing wrong with trying to "better your financial situation" but that I should just keep in mind my spiritual balance

.

In other words, they dismissed your genuine reasons for desiring further education, then told you the real reason the society discourages college. Too many college students learn to think for themselves. If you fail to keep your equilibrium it’s not the society’s fault. They’ve been asking you to balance a beam on a pin! I maintain the society’s doctrines are laid on a poor foundation. It does not matter how they decorate the house, if the foundation is rotten, no slapdash repairs will help. The imbalance you feel is not your fault, it is caused by a poor foundation!

You have laid out some very good questions, that deserve answers. To do less, I am betting, would be to deny all that you are. I suggest you search, search, study on your own until you are completely satisfied with the answer.

1. Not whether Jehovah exists, but if he really is using this organization.
2. But then there is all the logistical stuff like "are we really making the good news known in all the earth?" and "if Jehovah has let the system go on in order for the good news to be preached, why are we barely even touching the vast territories like Bangladesh, India, China?"
3. And of course the Big One: "if Jehovah is not going to destroy 'good people' who have not heard the truth, why are we preaching anyway?"
4. Am I loyal to Jehovah or the organization? And are they completely synonomous?

I don't know if I will ever be able to express these thoughts to anyone in my life....

Good news, you have already started. This board is great for self-expression. I consider it a necessary outlet for my sanity. And I have more good news. What comes after deconstruction? Reconstruction! This period of uncertainty is not permanent. Once your foundation is sure, you can rebuild.

Would he ever give me conclusive evidence like he gave Gideon? If the answer is no, does he think I am somehow more mighty than Gideon, needing no proof?

I encourage you to follow Onacruse’s recent threads, who is undergoing a similar personal transformation. I am uncertain how he will come out the other end, but I am convinced that his deep searching is necessary for his future and his manhood. I think the same is true for you.

Also, you may want to chart out your thoughts on paper to keep them from rolling around like loose marbles in your brain. Try making pro and con lists for decisions and options you are facing. Underline assumptions that you may have to research on your own. Cross out all the guilt words like fail and lie. What is the paper telling you?

calico

Welcome to the board

All of the replies are wonderful! Thinking for yourself must be the hardest thing when you've been raised in this religion. My husband was raised very strictly. I think he feels like what else is there if I am not a JW? Like you he does not know any other life. I would say pick one subject or doctrine about being in the truth that bothers you and research it. The way that sexual abuse is handled within the truth is what started me down this road.

AlmostAtheist

I want to know the ever-elusive Truth.

Hi Daniel,

I'm sure you've received some private messages by now, have you picked them up? Check in the upper left corner of the screen, there is a spot that says "Inbox (x new messages)". Click that, and you'll be able to read the messages.

As has been stated, many folks have been right where you are. Take heart, you've come to the right place. Or more correctly, you've come to one of the many, many right places. Places where you are encouraged to THINK and actually investigate to find what faith and worship really means. Diversity isn't just a word, it is a whole mindset. Embrace it.

One of the most startling things I read when I first came out was this: There are more people born every day than are reached with the "good news" every day. This means that there is NO WAY that Jehovah's Witnesses could be correct in their assumption that they -- or anyone -- is commissioned by god to preach to all the earth. It is a losing battle, one that god simply wouldn't involve himself with.

Read on. You're thinking, and it hurts. But it starts to feel so good, and soon you can't imagine why you ever didn't think for yourself.