Divided Household

by pratt1 14 Replies latest jw experiences

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  pratt1

  I grew up in a "divided Household" and I was wondering how many of you had similar experiences to mine.

  1. I was always viewed as fatherless child as a kid. I wasn't, I had a very involved father, however he was an unbeliever.

  2. I always felt the my decisions in life ultimately meant that I was chosing one parent over the other. Going to College I chose dad over mom. Going out in feild service, I was chosing mom over dad.

  3. I was always uneasy about the end of the system, it meant that since my dad was an unbeliever, it basically meant that I was okay with the fact that my dad would die.

  I will say that on of the benefits of having an unbelieving parent was that when I decided to walk away from the"lie" it was easier for me, and it actually brought me closer to my father.

  Any comments?
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  kls

  That is how my children were brought up . I left the cult when my kids were young and they ( my kids ) did go to some meeting with their dad till they said enough and i stopped it .

  I have a hard time thinking that my husband and the father of my kids would go to his meeting thinking that his children and wife would die, and that he would live a great life in the New System . Wheres the love of family .
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  Jordan

  I grew up in a divided household for a little while, and I do remember being treated as a fatherless boy. My old man bailed about 10 years ago, so since then I have been fatherless. But I didn't feel that being from a divided home, or a single parent family hurt my upbringing to any great extent. Sure, I was different to the other witness kids, they had perfect families (or so it seemed), but I fitted right in with the kids at school, 7 out of 10 kids in my were from single parent families. And as for missing out on having a father figure, well, I don't think I've turned out so bad, I think I'd have turned out alot worse if my dad had stuck around.
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  Momofmany

  I know what you mean about feeling like you were choosing one parent over the other. My mom converted when I was 13. All of us kids went with her.

  I wish I left while my father was still alive. I felt like I betrayed him by going with mom. I know what you mean about worrying about your dad. I did too, for a long time.
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  Soledad

  I also grew up in a divided household

  However, my father was never very involved in our lives, so it wasn't like I was choosing one parent over the other. Initially I felt that he made the choice for us because by ridiculing, calling us names and downright insulting us to our faces when we were studying or getting ready to go into field service or to a meeting it was like we were facing "persecution" and it became obvious that I had to stick to my mother's side so she wouldn't have to fight alone. It also reaffirmed the idea that the WT was "the truth."

  Then, my mother did something stupid: urged us to "pray for a quick death for that man." Can you imagine, ask Jehovah to kill my father! Something about that felt very very wrong.

  Now, me and my dad are very close, and my mom can't shun me, even if she wanted to!
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  BluesBrother

  My childhood was also in a "divided household". Dad was never a believer , he studied but stopped it. No doubt he had the sense to see that it just did not add up. He never opposed though, attended a few meetings if it would help Mum, and was well known to the local congo. as an unbelieving husband .

  Looking back, it was strange. We were a good stable family with a loving father, but still believed that god was going to judge him worthy of death unless a miracle happened and he changed.

  Why did that not strike me as wrong? How could I dedicate my life to a god that , I believed, intended to kill my dad?

  I dont know. My only excuse is that I learned it from a young age and it is a belief that I grew up with . Dad passed away some years ago . I got to be closest to him when he was old and infirm . He had a witness funeral too, funny that, isn't it?
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  carla

  I don't get it. Husband has said that jw's don't beleive everyone else but them will be destroyed. Yet every exjw board says the opposite. Is he just trying to block this from his mind or what? Does he think if he is a good enough jw his wife & kids might stand a chance? How can I make him see that it is what jw's believe? Try to bring any of this up and his jw mode turns on and starts going on about how Christians partake in war, etc.. youv'e heard it all before. sigh.
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  exjdub

  Husband has said that jw's don't beleive everyone else but them will be destroyed. Yet every exjw board says the opposite.

  Carla,

  JW's use a technicality to get around this belief. When pressed on this issue you might receive an explanation of: "Only Jehovah can read hearts and only he can determine who lives and who dies, so certainly we cannot say that only JWs will live." They will never give you a straight answer. Not one JW will provide a specific group, or person, that they believe will live. However they always believe that JW's as a group will survive, although they have a technicality around this also by saying that not all JW's will live. The road leading to life is cramped...blahblahblah. The reason they answer this way is that they do not want to be accused of judging, which is a job for Jehovah and Jesus, according to the Bible (if that is what you believe).

  JWs do believe they are the only ones that are not going to be destroyed. When you are asking hubby about this issue, ask him specifically about individual groups. For example you might ask: "Will Catholics be destroyed?" If he answers honestly, the only answer he can give is yes, according to JW belief. According to JWs all of Christendom is slated for destruction. Ask him for just one group that he thinks will survive destruction, other than JWs. He will not answer it because JW belief is that there are no other groups, organizations, religions, etc. that will survive, other than them. Interesting that they can never name another group, but they are always quite sure of their own survival.

  exjdub
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  rebel8

  I was considered a fatherless girl. The constant admonitions for the JWs to make an extra effort to be kind to us/socialize with us were mostly ignored.

  My dad "opposed" vehemently for the 1st few yrs. Of course it was 1975 so you can imagine how the JWs thrived on "persecution" then. My mother used to tell me dad was Satanic. Nice thing to tell a 7-yr-old. Thereafter, any time he suggested we not go to a meeting, celebrate a holiday, join a school club, get needed medical care, or--horror--go to college/work full time, we were reminded it was Satan talking. Finally he (dad, not Satan) gave up because he realized it was making my mother stronger in her resolve. Now he just gently makes fun of it and ignores it, and my mom is wishy-washy in her beliefs.
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  Midget-Sasquatch

  Compared to most of you, my situation was reversed. Pop was a dub since I was about 4-5, and mom a catholic till about my mid-twenties (then she converted too). I was an outsider everywhere (at the KH, at the RC school). I think it was the key factor that fostered my agnosticism.