Mrs. ITIS/FreedomLover - How I "saw the light!" ha ha ha

by freedomlover 28 Replies latest jw experiences

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  freedomlover

  CYP-

  Could you expand a little more on the things that pissed you off? Why exactly? Why weren't they effective? Is there a way he could have made it more effective?

  I guess his "planting seeds" pissed me off because in my gut I knew the issue was big and I felt like he was just tip-toeing around it for so long by his "seed planting". I just wished he would have said what was really bothering him for our 10 years of marriage together. Kind of like "LET"S JUST HAVE IT OUT!" I'm a straight shooting person. I would rather you just tell me what's up and then we'll figure out how to deal with it. If he had said "I don't want to be a JW and if that means a divorce then that's what it's down to," I would have been devastated but it would finally make us deal with the real issues at hand. I honestly think I would never have left the JW's if my husband didn't basically give me an ultimatum to decide once and for if we were going to do this religion thing or not. It made me finally really sit down and look at the issues that bothered me my whole life. I'm saying an ultimatum works for everyone, it just worked for me at this point in my life.
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  GoingGoingGone

  I honestly think I would never have left the JW's if my husband didn't basically give me an ultimatum to decide once and for if we were going to do this religion thing or not. It made me finally really sit down and look at the issues that bothered me my whole life.

  That's very interesting...... I'm so afraid to give my husband an ultimatum. I tiptoe around the issues (not that our marriage is bad, though). I have thought that dropping hints about things or 'planting seeds' is the way to go.... Hmmmmm.... maybe not, then?

  Could it possibly be that men do these things because that's what would be effective for them, as men? But for women, it's just annoying? I'm so confused!!

  Thanks so much, freedomlover, for the inside information! It's so great to hear your story!

  GGG
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  freedomlover

  Wow....correction on the last statement of my last post....

  An ultimatum DOES NOT work for everyone, just worked for me in some ways.....

  Sorry
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  Narkissos

  Freedomlover,

  Thanks a lot for sharing and for the way you did share. You are giving back to the word "truth" its modest, painful and beautiful dignity.

  I wish you the very best.
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  freedomlover

  GGG-

  That's very interesting...... I'm so afraid to give my husband an ultimatum. I tiptoe around the issues (not that our marriage is bad, though). I have thought that dropping hints about things or 'planting seeds' is the way to go.... Hmmmmm.... maybe not, then?

  I really don't want to advice anyone on ultimatums. It just worked for me. I think if ITIS has been a good communicator with me for the first 10 years of our marriage then he wouldn't of had to plant seeds. He probably would have been able to share what he was learning along the way instead of all at once in a bombshell. That's just how it worked for us. We are basically communicating in a truly healthy way for the first time in our marriage. It's so strange how the things we were told would make us close, (service, meetings, studying together) didn't do that at all. In fact we had a huge wall between us for 10 years because we couldn't express doubts and fears we had about being a witness, and it recently came crashing down. It's square one for us on every level in our lives now.
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  alw

  Thanks for sharing your story FreedomLover - it is a great encouragement to a lot of people here. Thankfully my husband and I have 'seen the light' also. We have been fading coming up to 2 years now. It's still a struggle with emotions at times but thankfully we are united in the process. Continue learning and enjoy the journey. alw
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  Cellist

  Freedomlover, thanks for sharing your side of the saga. I can't tell you how happy we felt when we read your first posts on here. My husband and I always communicated, even when we were witnesses. We shared with each other our doubts and concerns. It definitely made our exit much smoother. I know what you mean about leaving your faith quickly. When we first were having doubts a friend said, "if you keep thinking like this, in 6 months you won't be in "the Truth". We laughed at the time and denied it. He WAS wrong. We were gone in approximately 6 weeks.

  It is a hard adjustment, and it's a process you can't rush. But the freedom is worth it. "The truth shall set you free" We hope the best for you and your family.

  Cellist
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  Sheepish

  It constantly amazes me how we seem to have to get to the very bottom before we realize we need to change. I am so glad you are getting a second chance with your marriage.Thanks for sharing! And welcome!
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  TheListener

  Freedomlover,

  I can't tell you how much you sharing your story means to me. I had to read it several times to get through my overwhelming emotions (read: tears).

  I'm where many here are. My wife is much like you, a straight shooter. I've been pissing her off for awhile now because I haven't come right out with it. Like you said, come out with it and then decide what to do. It is the best way.

  Thank you so much for your insight and understanding.

  I've said this before, but it bears repeating; your husband has been a real friend to me. I hope one day our families can get together at an apostafest or something.
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  AlmostAtheist

  Excellent post, very insightful, very USEFUL information. Thank you for sharing it.

  I know what you mean about the power you feel in freedom. No elders, no concern that someone will "catch" you, because there's no one with the authority to check your hand. YOU are the final authority over your decisions and your life. Mmmmm.....

  "Are you reading apostate literature, sister ITIS?"

  "Why yes I am, thanks for noticing."

  Dave