Merry Pantsmas Everyone!

by Billy the Ex-Bethelite 86 Replies latest social humour

  • Billy the Ex-Bethelite
    Billy the Ex-Bethelite

    Okay, I posted this in a thread that got locked and buried. Since then I've been really busy and have overdosed on Christmas music in the past week. So, I'm resurrecting this "holy day" holiday that most people will unknowingly be celebrating tomorrow. Yes, it's a "pagan" holiday which even dubs will unwittingly be celebrating!

    Frankly, the whole Christmas "pagan" thing is so overblown by Watchtower Corp. Yeah, this and that, here and there, it can be traced back to some remote practice also done by pagans. Pagans ate and drank, too. Pagans pooped. Pagans wore clothes and lived in houses. Pagans ate carrots and peas and potatoes. Does the Bible say that Jesus ate carrots, peas, or potatoes? No. They are all pagan vegetables.

    Oooh, and Christmas is "sun worship", eh? You know what? Every week, nearly every congregation of JWs repeat a ritual of sun worship. Yes, they meet for religious indoctrination on...

    SUNday

    Such disgusting pagan practices! But that's not all. You know what most "brothers" wear to those "sun"day meetings? They wear pagan...

    NECKTIES

    Yeah, check the history! They're rooted in militaristic war and Roman Catholic Paganism! And anyone with eyes can see that they're a phallic symbol! Supposedly the cross is a phallic symbol. Pfft, the cross is nothing compared to the necktie! Some guys have wide ties, some long, some with knotted bowties. All right-hearted individuals can discern that a necktie is a shocking, visible, outward indication, a symbolism of the the male wanker.

    Additionally, I think the JW door-to-door ministry is pagan. It's deeply rooted in the Halloween custom of "trick or treat". As in... first we get dressed up in our pagan ties, drive around in our pagan cars, then ding-dong "take this colorful litteratrash or you'll be eaten by birds at Armageddon!" and then it's off for some pagan coffee to drink. Pagan, pagan, pagan.

    Really, everything is pagan, which brings me to the "reason for the season"! Those wonderful, pagan...

    PANTS

    Yeah, check the history. Jesus would have known from his pre-human existance about trousers from the Persians! Yet, Jesus never wore pants! Why? Because pants have a pagan history. For centuries they were the attire of military horsemen! Soldiers of Satan! Pants are not appropriate for followers of the "Prince of Peace"! The "brothers" should all be wearing proper, modest, Christian dresses, just like the sisters! They should... but...

    ...thankfully, tradition has handed down to us the "Consecration of Trousers" by Saint Nicholas on 25 December 346. Although he died some 19 days earlier, he made pants holy as a posthumous accomplishment. Stop asking questions and get over it already.

    So, unitedly as exJWs, JWs, faders, nonJWs, and outright pagans, may we all put on our pants, one leg at a time, on December 25. What better way could there be to celebrate...

    PANTSMAS DAY!

    Merry Pantsmas Day everybody!

  • bluecanary
    bluecanary

    I love it.

  • Satanus
    Satanus

    We need a Father Pantsmas, or would that be Father Pants. Anyhow, cool thread. I'm 100% pagan, myself. Being modest though, i don't go for the neck tie thing.

    S

  • Heaven
    Heaven

    B the X, you're one in a million! Merry Pantsmas to you as well. Hope you have a great holiday.

  • creativhoney
    creativhoney

    everything is pagan as thats what we all once were. shame many Jws think its some kind of religion and not just what it is, - simple country folk.

    they may as well say we can't do this because it stems from being human.

  • wha happened?
    wha happened?

    anyone in wedding or has a wedding ring is participating in a pagan custom.

  • Jadeen
    Jadeen

    Merry Pantsmas day to everyone!

  • Billy the Ex-Bethelite
    Billy the Ex-Bethelite

    Satanus: "We need a Father Pantsmas..."

    Yes indeed. Father Pantsmas is known around here as "Panta Clause". I left some old workpants hung by the chimney with care, and sure as shootin', Santa replaced them with an awesome new pair of Dockers. They make my butt look 15 years younger! Thank you, Panta!

    "Being modest though, i don't go for the neck tie thing."

    Oh come now, it isn't about modesty, it's about honesty. Take me for instance. I'm the modestest person you'll ever know. When it comes to humility, on a scale of 1 to 10, I'm at least a 12. Although I'm super-modest, my honesty requires that if I wear a necktie, it's gonna be, like 10" wide and all the way down to my knees.

    But I digress...

    Today is my best Pantsmas Day yet! And New Beers Day is just a week away!

  • Billy the Ex-Bethelite
    Billy the Ex-Bethelite

    Mark, you really know how to get me in the pagan holiday spirit!

    I hope she likes Nog!

  • bulgogiboy
    bulgogiboy

    *Referring to picture above: If that's Mrs Claus, no wonder Santa is always keen to empty his sack?

    But really, the problem with the WT obsession about Pagan origins and the restrictions on things like birthdays is that it doesnt apply the same universal standard to ALL our daily practices/clothing/rituals/celebrations, because it CANT! If jws didnt participate in anything with Pagan origins, they couldnt function within modern society! For example: dont celebrate birthdays/Christmas because cake/candles/presents/tree = Pagan. Weddings and anniversaries seem to be given a pass by the WT however, even though the rituals surrounding these events seem to be just as influenced by Paganism. The wedding ring/cake/confetti/etc all have Pagan roots, and I bet you a quid that the stones/metals ( silver, gold, diamond,etc) linked to wedding anniversaries all have some form of Pagan origin.

    I remember reading a watchtower article which explained this dilemma something almost exactly along the lines of 'oh, brothers, we know these things(wedding practices,etc) have Pagan roots, but we cant become obsessed with every little thing now, can we?'(HA!!!! No they would never do that would they???) Yet they keep bringing out myriads of little 'suggestions' about bloody trivial practices not to do, because of their Pagan roots, e.g. giving a toast. No wonder so many jws suffer from mental illnesses/alcoholism, there are so many rules and regulations which keep coming out and contradicting each other, its impossible to keep up with them. I hope the WT goes bankrupt and its H.Q has to be sold off and converted into something much more useful, like a giant love motel....

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