Lost Fathers and Field of Dreams

by unshackled 21 Replies latest members private

unshackled

So I was flicking thru the channels and caught the end of Field of Dreams. Gotta admit the ending and the "dad, do you wanna have a catch?" line always gets me, puts a lump in my throat.
In a delayed reaction it dawned on me that this is the perfect Father's Day movie. And recalled it was on last year's Father's Day as well‚ which was the last time I happened to catch parts of it. The father/son theme in the movie resonates with me.
So of course after catching the end my thoughts lead to my father. I've never been very close to him but can't really complain about my upbringing, we were well taken care of. With one big caveat: being a born-in JW and raised by a strict elder. Most of time he was less father and more elder.
I faded from the JWs about 8 years ago and we haven't communicated in about 6 years, despite some efforts on my part. He is what I consider a fundamentalist JW‚ strict and marches in line to the finest detail of the Org orders. So when I got married last summer I had sent an invite and a note asking my parents to attend. Never even got a response. Can't say I was surprised. But still, the pain runs deep. I'm not sure if my wife will ever meet them.
Some days I think back to the good memories of him from childhood: watching Hockey Night in Canada and the family pizza night, getting a ride on his motorbike, him letting me fly the plane he owned, or just having a good ol' catch.
And then there are days where I forget about it all, moving on independent and starting my own family in the values that I hold high. I've learned from my father's mistake and vow to treat my family with the unconditional love it deserves and never let them down.
But most other days I feel anger that he fell into the trap of the JWs and indoctrinated his children. Bitterness that my mother and father have been taken from me because of this controlling cult. And, just plain bafflement that an otherwise intelligent man would let a group of men in New York dictate how he treats his own flesh and blood. It's a frustration and hurt that I'm not sure there's a remedy for.
Today is a different feeling though. After catching the end of Field of Dreams…today, I guess I just miss my dad. I wish I could go back to the simpler days so I could say "dad, do you wanna have a catch?" Or pick up the phone and get some advice on a home reno project, or some financial or career advice. To have that father that is also a great friend. I'll get by fine without him, but I know my life would be richer the other way around.
So here's to all of you that have lost their fathers, or father's who have lost children, and know the pain of losing so much to this cult. And thanks for reading my thoughts.
Cheers to you my friends and Happy Father's Day.
charlie brown jr.

Unshackled .....
Funny U mention That Movie.....
My Dad Loved Baseball..... Lived it....
Visited him in the Nursing Home today and He didn't know who I was.......
But my Wife he knew....... Remembers our Wedding ...the Parties we threw Here at my house........
Even said You married my Son......
Yep Dad that's me.........
He is very happy ...thinks he's at his Job as a Cop in the Nursing Home.......
Showed me Pics of me bragging about his Son.....
Happy Fathers Day Guys!!!!!
charlie brown jr.

On the way home I thought of my own children..........
The ones raised in the Truth.........
Haven't heard from them in like 9 years........
Adults now.....
What a Wonderful Loving Religion!!!!!
unshackled

Hey charlie...hockey was the sport in my family but baseball was big as well. Field of Dreams was a family favorite, remember seeing it in the theatre with dad. But the movie that was my father's favorite, and me and my brothers was The Natural. Probably have seen it at least 20 times and know most the lines.
Sorry you haven't heard from children in 9 years. Think it is the kind of hurt that will always be there. Yep, wonderful loving religion!
Juan Viejo2

Same here.
My dad passed in 2006 at age 91. When I was growing up my younger brother and I would always play catch with Dad. Baseballs in the spring and summer and footballs in the fall and winter.
As a JW kid, my dad allowed both of us boys to join Little League. I played one year. My brother played four. My brother got to play Little League with and against Bobby Bonds and Dusty Baker. Both grew up to be notable major leaguers.
Dad would always warm us up and rarely missed any game that we played in. Fortunately, our Little League played on Wednesday and Saturday nights. Kingdom Hall meetings were Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday.
When we went on vacation, we took our gloves, a bat, and several hardballs. We'd drive a hundred miles or so and then stop for lunch or a break. Dad would get out the gloves and we'd play catch, sometimes one on one, sometimes "pepper" with a bat, sometimes dad would hit us fly balls (fungo). Sometimes we'd play "over the line."
My dad taught my brother how to throw a hard curve and a sinker. Taught me how to throw the knuckle-ball. He'd join us in sandlot pickup games at the junior high playing field that was directly across the street from our house. Sometimes a few of the brothers from the Kingdom Hall would come over and we'd all play baseball for hours. It was all far more fun than going to meetings or out in service. Didn't need umpires - because we all played by the rules and never cheated.
Those were great times and possibly make up the best memories of my childhood. If I ever write a memoir about my family I'd call it "Playing Catch with Dad."
The last time I saw my dad, we could barely communicate. I wrote about this final hour with my father in an online memorial published after his passing.
------------------------------
"My final conversation with my father: on April 10, 2006 – just before I saw Dad for the last time:
“We spoke of sports and cars. We talked about taking vacations and going to conventions. We talked about playing catch with a baseball in the park or out in the street whenever we would see each other. We talked about his grandchildren and great-grandchildren – and even though he had not met most of them – and wouldn’t remember if he had – I told him that they loved him. I asked him to eat his food, gain some weight, and faithfully do his physical therapy. I told him that if he did, then we’d play catch again when I came back to see him the next time.”
"Dad’s response was so typical for him. 'Yeah, that would be nice…' ”
-----------------------------
BTW - it might seem ironic, but Kevin Costner, the lead in "Field of Dreams" is a distant relative of mine - on my dad's side of the family.
JV
Juan Viejo2

I forgot to mention that I was estranged from my dad for the last 30 years of his life thanks to that damned religion.
JV
TheSilence

This is the last communication I have had from my dad:
Hi, {my father's personal nickname for me}!

Long time no see! How's everything with you? I know you keep busy Thursdays with Grandma and Grandpa, who I also don't see very often, but every time I do they rave about how much help you've been to them. I really appreciate it.

Life is nuts, as it always has been for me. But I remind myself that most of my problems are self-inflicted wounds. I can live with that, but the thoughts about all the wounds I've inflicted on others are hard to get past. I'm sorry I wasn't a better dad most of all.

I see the news every night and observe the world falling apart piece by piece. Of course, it's more than just news to us JW's. Is it just a coincidence that things are disintegrating by the exact mechanisms predicted in scripture for these days? Maybe. But the world stage is being set for exactly what we expect to see happen soon - the destruction of the world's religions. It was something that, 30 years ago, I could never see how it would happen. But now it's obvious that more and more people are saying it MUST happen, and I'm not talking about JW's.

It won't happen until Jehovah inspires them to do it, but it's interesting the way the Bible puts it. "God put it into their hearts to carry out his thought, even their one thought..." I've observed people becoming more and more predisposed toward contempt for religion, especially the other guy's. It's an irreversible trend that will end exactly as predicted: "...she will be completely burned with fire, because Jehovah God, who judged her, is strong." It's going to be a fearsome thing to behold when Jehovah unleashes his hatred, anger, and power against religion.

I look to it with mixed emotions. The nations will not destroy us. We see it coming, and we know what to do. But when they realize that we're still around and worshipping Jehovah as we always have, they'll act to stamp us out as well. That's Armageddon. So that part is good. But when the nations turn on religion, the door is closed, and many people I love and care about will be on the wrong side of the door.

I hope I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure you detest it when I speak about things like this. But I hope you'll understand. Some day, I'll be looking back on these things and these times, and I'll hate myself for not trying harder to help you see beyond the news reports. It's all old news. It was foretold long ago. We're just watching the finer details unfold day by day.

I never told you guys how much I love you nearly enough. I probably did little to show you, either. The reasons are both complicated and stupid, and I think I'll never figure it out, or if I do, far too late. So if you could just manage to be around forever until I can fix myself - well, I can't tell you how much it would mean to me.

Anyway, it did make my day to hear from you. Have a great weekend!

Love,

Dad
Happy Father's Day to all the Dads.
Jackie
EntirelyPossible

Even better is that the final day of the US Open is on fathers day (has been for several years) and my kids LOVE golf. It's kind of become our thing...
unshackled

Juan: Thanks for sharing your story. If you ever write that family memoir called "Playing Catch with Dad" it sounds like it would be a great read. I was just trying to remember my last words spoken to my father and can't come up with it. Unfortunately I know the day is coming where I get that phone call that my dad has died. I'll look back and remember our last visit and it just won't suffice for all that could have been.
TheSilence: It is so frustrating hearing JW family being so convinced they have the "truth". And we are just lost and hopeless. Just curious, if that is the last communication with your dad has it been a long time since? Or do you keep in touch fairly regularly?
Entirely: I've gone thru some golf stages, but don't follow or play much anymore. Those "it's kind of become our thing" events or traditions sure can bind a family. My memories of watching The Natural with my dad and brothers are vivid. They're great memories and on the bright side, at least I have that.
Thanks for sharing your father stories. Please add more.
TheSilence

TheSilence: Just curious, if that is the last communication with your dad has it been a long time since? Or do you keep in touch fairly regularly?
That was sometime in March. He makes no attempt at contact with me. I used to try to maintain a relationship but I can't be the only one to want it for it to work so I stopped beating my head against a wall I can't move. A few times a year I drop him an email saying hello and that he was in my thoughts that day for whatever reason. The above is generally the type of reply I get from him. On occaision, for instance when we were putting a roof on my brother's house, I will see him due to familial ties and we get along okay then. But there is never any effort just to see, speak, or have any sort of relationship at all with me. I'd like to blame it on the religion but I was never baptised and, therefore, never df'd so I can't even give him that excuse. :::shrug:::
It makes me happy to see other dads active in their kids lives because I know how important it is. So I really do wish the happiest of father's days to those dads. ;)

Lost Fathers and Field of Dreams

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