Just like many ex-JWs have apologized for knocking on people's doors and disturbing them, I want to do something similar.
I want to ask for forgiveness to all those people who were subjected to horrible treatment in a Judicial Committee.
During my years as a mental slave and serving as an elder, I participated in Judicial Committees where poor people were exploited for personal perversion and mistreatment.
Many fellow elders (repressed people) could not help but to be turned on by the details confessed by the alleged sinners. Therefore, they needed to ask more personal and intimate details that would make any person very uncomfortable. Even I felt uncomfortable in some cases.
The Watchtower is to be blamed for their policies in the Flock book. They have enabled the situation by instructing body of elders to find out some more details about the extent of a sin, like how far did it go, whether parts were touched, etc. According to the WTS, this helped to determine if it was porneia, which turned out to be the case in almost 99% of the time.
As elders, we were instructed to find out as much as possible, such as how many times it happened, to determine if this had become a pattern in life, whether the person was remorseful and repentant, etc. In such a position that I held, I know that I caused a lot of pain and suffering.
For that reason, I want to apologize sincerely for condemning you if we as a body of elders determined that you were unrepentant or rebellious. I realize now that we were not really helping you to be spiritual or to repair the relationship with Jehovah, but rather, we were destroying your world. We were humiliating you and thus, taking away your dignity.
We were taking away from you everything you considered valuable like your family and friends, your support system. I am truly sorry for me being part of this for 8 years.
There were many times that I tried to help by being more reasonable and understanding during a Judicial Committee, sometimes it worked in favor of the alleged sinner to avoid getting DF'ed, other times, I couldn't convince the majority, and so I was forced to form consensus.
There were times that I could not sleep before or after JCs. The emotional drain was unbearable, deep down I was afraid of such horrible outcome for the person subjected to this.
There were times that we just rushed through the proceedings, making it part of the routine, without thorough meditation, prayer or preparation. Sometimes, we would make a ruling just to get it over, and to get out of there. I sincerely apologize for being part of this injustice.
Judicial Committees were the most difficult part of the "privilege" of being an elder. I am so relieved not to be part of any of this anymore.
Once again, I apologize for judging people and subjecting them to such horrible treatment. I was also a victim of mind control and could not see what I was doing. I was following instructions and guidelines that were provided by what I thought were God's organization on earth, the Watchtower Bible and Tract society of New York.