In another thread, there is a discussion about young people leaving the JWs at a rate of something like 88%. We see the rules given to the ‘sheep’ for raising their children and we shake our heads saying, “Don’t they get it? What is wrong with the Org that it can’t see how they are treating the youth? Don’t they see that this way has never worked, and will continue to not work, and the kids will keep leaving at an alarming rate?”
I believe that the GB knows exactly what they are doing, and they have a reason. “Why, you ask. “What possible reason do they have for encouraging parents to raise their children in such a way that most of them LEAVE?” Why? Because it is not about the ones who leave!
In order to explain, I must explain a little basic Child Development theory, as it relates to why kids raised in the Borg often leave. Then we can address the real issue: the 12% that stay.
**From now on, when I talk about ‘JW parents’ I mean the parents that follow Borg rules to the letter. And by 'Borg rules' I mean the real JW rules (no dating, no socializing outside the Borg, no sports, etc. You know the ones).**
Reasons kids leave the Borg:
#1. Adolescents is the time when abstract thought emerges, and the beginnings of relativist reasoning are possible. Once you are old enough to realize that everyone in the ‘world’ is NOT BAD, the JWs loose a major amount of power. This realization is quickly followed by the realization that 99% of the JW ‘rules’ are totally stupid. There goes a bunch more of the Borg’s control.
#2 The developmental needs of adolescents are not met in the Borg. Each stage of human development has certain needs, and these needs must be met for development to proceed in a healthy way. Infants need to learn to trust and to feel secure. Preschoolers need to practice doing things on their own (‘NO! Let ME do it! I can pour the milk myself!) School age kids need to DO stuff (bike ride, build models, play house, whatever) JWs can raise very developmentally healthy children, up to this point.
But adolescents have needs, too. They NEED to try out identities (am I a preppy person? A rocker? An athlete?). They NEED to feel connected to a wide variety of peer groups to do it. They try out different clothes, music and friends. They need to question their beliefs and look for reasons for beliefs. JW parents who insist on following the Borg rules cannot allow their children to meet these developmental needs. I believe forcing an adolescent to live by Borg rules is abusive and damaging to their development.
#3 Adolescents, like adults, need to feel they have some reasonable amount of POWER over their own lives. This is a need. Adolescents who feel they have no control over their lives will find a way to get it. Pregnancy, eating disorders, risk-taking behaviors, and drug abuse in teens often have roots in the teen’s belief that they have no power over their own lives. (“ I chose to have a baby. I did this myself. I made this choice.”) JW teens must act out, lead double lives, or run away in order to have any power over their own lives. They NEED to do this, psychologically speaking.
Just as a baby must crawl at a certain time, an adolescent must explore the world, make some of his own choices and decide what he believes. The JW faith does not allow this. We are left with the question: Why does the Borg do this to it’s children? Why does it continue to chase off 88% of the young people? For the answer we must look at the 12% who STAY in the Borg.
The 12% remaining are MOSTLY youths who allow their parents and the Borg to choose their identity for them (“You are a JW!" "Um, ok."). These kids never develop an identity of their own and they have difficulties with relationships and intimacy. (How can you share yourself with another person if you have no idea who you are??) They become ‘Identity foreclosed’.
Allow me to quote a Child Development text, Infants, Children, and Adolescents, by Laura E. Berk (PLEASE READ CAREFULLY AND SEE IF THIS REMINMDS YOU OF ANYONE):
“Identity foreclosed individuals have committed themselves to values and goals without taking time to explore alternatives. Instead, they accept a ready-made identity that authority figures (usually parents but sometimes teachers, religious leaders, or romantic partners) have chosen for them.”
“Foreclosed individuals tend to be dogmatic, inflexible, and intolerant. Some use their commitments in a defensive way, regarding any difference of opinion as a threat. Most are afraid of rejection by people on whom they depend for affection and self-esteem (Frank, Pirsch, & Wtight, 1990: Kroger, 1995).”
In short, poorly adjusted individuals who are ‘identity foreclosed’ make excellent cult members(!!!!). That is why the Borg wants the children raised this way, and always will.
---LisaBobeesa