My sister came to visit me from NY to California. This is one of two sisters, the youngest, and my junior by 4 years, both of whom have been entrenched in the Organization since I was about 17. This is unprecedented since I had basically given up on any of my family ever having a relationship with me again. Both of my sisters have 6 children between them, 2 boys and a girl each. My youngest sister?s eldest boy (now 23) will no longer speak to me. My guess is he heard a talk at the Kingdom Hall that said something about associating with disfellowshipped persons. Amazingly, she had been calling me in the last couple of months hinting about changes in her life. A situation arose where we needed to have a serious talk with my mother (who lives near me in California) about what she plans to do with some property. I offered to pay for the plane ticket for her to come out so she and I could deal with my mother. She took me up on it.
The incredible part is that this is the same person who almost seven years ago refused to come here to my wedding with the condition of staying at my house prior to the nuptials because I was ?living in sin? with my soon-to-be wife. We had some heated conversations at that time because I had called her decision not to come hypocritical. I said that she, my older sister or their husbands had not gone running to the elders and told them about me when I said I was living with another girlfriend years before. ?What did you think we were doing, holding hands?? I asked. Now she has cause to think differently. Her own marriage is on the rocks. She married the one who used to be my best friend at the time they met back in the early 70?s, a Witness of course. As I had done, he also went to Bethel and brought her in for over a year of service after they married. Now, he has turned into a seemingly unemotional person with absolutely no aspirations. He does not show much affection and does not desire to do anything but watch mindless cartoons. She complains that he is unresponsive at any attempt to share ideas and even about talking regarding the kinds of things she expects as a woman from him, like romance, spontaneity, etc. He considers talking about a political issue a forbidden subject. He?s a good man, but doesn?t seem to have much of a presence as a human being any longer. My sister, on the other hand, went back to work after raising 3 kids and rose to a manager position at a bank without the benefit of a formal education. She has been writing prose that approximates poetry. She writes constantly out of what I can only imagine is a desperate need to voice her dilemma and to at least spill over onto a page her growing mind.
I had always hoped that one by one, the members of my family would all fall off like over-ripened fruit out of that high moral tree and come to realize to what degree their lives have been controlled. I think my older sister suffers from physical ailments as a result of frustration and repression with life issues related to being a Witness. However, she would be the last person to admit it. The youngest, however, surprised me not only by telling me that she?s thinking about leaving her husband, but that she has been leading a somewhat hidden life by hanging out with friends from her job, going for meals with them, going to karaoke bars and having a good time with them, etc. She?s gone as far as to invite some of them to her house for dinner after warning everyone else (her kids and husband) to leave. Those are healthy relationships with both male and female co-workers as most people would deem them. However, the thing is that this is shocking behavior for someone who is still considered a Witness. She?s even considering going to school for a degree. What?s next? Being happy? She casually admitted that she was about to see her first R-Rated movie when we sat down to watch ?Phone Booth? in my living room and even went to a local hangout to hear music and dance where she became slightly inhibited while drinking White Russians.
We talked endlessly. No subject was taboo, particularly the Organization. I did notice her reluctance to let go. She challenged me on some of my criticisms of the Organization but not with the ardent close-mindedness of the past. She actually heard me and was able to understand my position. I tried to be as balanced as I could. For example, when I told her about my reasons for deciding that the Watchtower was a deceitful organization, I managed to explain that I had specific issues upon which I based my self and that they would not have to be the same issues upon which she would eventually make her own decision to leave. I also managed to convey that the issues were only warning flares fired above that when descended and illuminated the field below, revealed not a single problem but a structure riddled with flaws, that one or two unresolved issues were only indicative of something much more sinister within the group. I didn?t quite put it that way, but I hope that she got the gist. I tried to emphasize what all the little faults add up to, not just a bad part in an otherwise good organization, but a group whose tenets were essentially flawed. I didn?t make the ?holes surrounded by cheese? metaphor, but now I?m beginning to picture her as a member of ?The Village? as in the old 60?s TV series. We have made the analogy to the Watchtower as ?The Borg? on this site to good effect. Now, I tend to think about ?The Prisoner? series as more of a parallel for were my sister stands and others like her. For those of you who are not familiar with it, I picture witnesses in transition, indeed some members of this very site who can?t quite leave but are not totally happy with the Organization, as being in ?The Village?, the sunny, resort-like jail for those who no longer want to be members of the organization. Wonderful as it might seem, it?s still a prison nevertheless. One could refer to a Witness as ?One of Six? as was the title of the main character. I compare the frustration of trying to escape from the Organization as the same experienced I got from watching No. 6 trying to escape ?The Village?.
It would seem that it?s only a matter of time before she?s out. I wrote to her today and told her to think carefully about her decision because the consequences would be more than she can anticipate. That would be OK if she really didn?t care. However, she may not realize that her children and my other sister?s family could turn against her. That could be potentially devastating considering how close we are/were. I can attest to it due to my own experience. I went as far as saying to her that she might consider, after more than 25 years of marriage, that she might accept being with her husband in some sort of emotional truce as her lot in life. Now, before you think that I would want to wish that on anyone, let me say that I?m counting on the fact that, given her personality and the self-discovery she has recently made, I seriously doubt that she would ever opt for such a choice. I just wanted to offer every possible option for her, good or bad.
I?m encouraged about this new development because, if she leaves, it might also make others in the family think -- her children, our other nephews and nieces, and even my other sister and her husband. It may make them question about the idea of choice, self determination and what it means. I told her in my recent E-mail that spirituality and her belief in a Supreme Being don?t have anything to do with the Organization. It?s too soon for an answer (I only wrote her today), but if anyone is interested, I?ll comment on her response. I?m hoping for the day when she herself will be able to read this post. I have spoken to her honestly, since I love her very much, and hope that she can understand my candidness.
Etude.