This is gonna sound kind of weird, but for me, it's both. I've always had a need to have spirituality of some sort in my life, yet at the same time, I'm disinclined to believe in religion much anymore (and I'm exploring whether or not I believe in deity). It seems that religion, like politics, is more of a devisive factor in society than one that brings people together. Yet, I still have a need to be part of a community of people who are exploring spiritual issues, just as I feel a need to be a part of the political process, no matter how imperfect it is.
Some have suggested that if you have a need for community, join a non-religious club, or take a class, or join a charity. Well, I tried doing these things, but they didn't help fulfill my need to explore my spirituality.
I, like you, have a hard time with Biblical discussions, though.I am just worn out after thirty odd years of putting so much faith in one book. And frankly, I'm pissed off at all the absolutes the Bible demands.I, as a woman, am supposed to take a back seat simply because I happened to be born female? I'm supposed deny homosexuals the same civil rights that I enjoy simply because a book that was written thousands of years ago in a patriarchal society says so? I'm supposed to believe that God wants unquestioning obedience (my kids question my authority all the time-that doesn't make me want to kill them, it makes me happy I raised kids who've learned to think for themselves). And what's with the ambiguous prophecies? It seems like a loving God would see to it that something as important as prophecy would be easily understandable, if he was so concerned about saving the lives of his creation.
I figure, I've given most my life to the study of that one book, now it's time to put it to the test by reading many other sacred and secular texts and comparing them. So that's what I've been doing-reading books from many different sources on many different subjects, especially those that Bible believers say are heretical or contradictory. After all, if the Bible IS the uncontested word of God, a comparison should surely bear that out.
I've also been going to a Unitarian Universalist church. When I started going, I told them about my JW past, and that I'm not likely to become an official member because of it. They just laughed and said that all being a member means is that you get to vote at the congregation meetings.I found many others there who have been disillusioned by absolutes in various paths (and I purposely didn't use the word religion, because a good number of them are atheists who have had experiences with experimental social groups and political parties).One thing I like is that they don't seem to put on any pretense that they all think alike. Spirited debates are common, but they occur in an atmosphere of respect for the right of each individual to believe what they want to believe.That's something I need right now, as I move away from the black and white thinking of JW land and try to figure out exactly what my belief system is.
Will I continue to go to the UU church? Who knows what the future will hold. I'll go as long as I feel that it is beneficial. If I ever get to feeling like I did as a JW though, I'm outta there!
So is it normal to feel this way? I sure hope so, as I'm going through it still, and I've been officially out for two years now.
