The JWs came calling.....

by Scully 33 Replies latest members private

  • Scully
    Scully

    It happened yesterday morning. I'd just come out of the shower and had been drying my hair when the doorbell rang. So I threw on my robe and went down the stairs to answer the door. I could see a person dressed in black through the gauzey veils of the curtained window beside the door. I knew. My attack plan firmly in mind, I swung open the door... to two Sisters? to whom I had been very close years and years ago. My attack plan evaporated. I couldn't go through with it, not with these two. After all, I'd gone through a pregnancy with each of these ladies, one of them has a son a couple of months younger than my eldest daughter, and the other has a son a couple of months older than my youngest daughter. We went to doctor's appointments together and prenatal swimming classes together and compared our growing bellies and labour stories. We'd felt each others' unborn children kicking through our tummies. We'd sat together nursing our babies in the Mothers' Room, cooing Kingdom Songs? to our babies when the pre-recorded piano music played overhead. I couldn't deliver my caustic messages to them the way I wanted to do it to an unsuspecting Elder?. I knew these two ladies, at one time at least, and possibly even now, genuinely considered themselves to be my friends. I admit it, I was unprepared for this possibility. I am a weakling where emotional warfare is involved.

    I invited them in for coffee, and went upstairs and quickly got dressed, while they waited in the living room. As I put the coffee pot on to brew, they looked at the photographs of my family that hung on the walls and commented on how the children had changed over the years (it's been over 8 years since they've seen us).

    We made small talk for a while, and then one of them told me that the CO was visiting this week and there was a Special Talk? on Sunday, and that I would be welcome to go. She even offered to sit beside me and hold my hand if I was nervous. I said that I may have to work on Sunday, but I would give it some thought.

    Then the other one said "Just because [my husband] wrote a letter and disassociated himself, doesn't mean that you aren't welcome."

    "I beg your pardon? [My husband] NEVER wrote a letter and disassociated himself. Was there an announcement saying that he did?"

    "Well, I'm pretty sure he must have, otherwise the Brothers? would never say that."

    "I know for a fact that he DIDN'T. And if there was an announcement, it was a lie and slander. I don't see how I can ever show my face there if the Brothers? are going to slander my husband and lie about him like that."

    "Well, did he ever tell the elders that he wanted to disassociate himself?"

    "No. In fact, the only time we've seen any of the Elders?, was about a year ago, and [one Elder?] and someone else we don't know spoke to [my husband] outside in the driveway. They just asked if he was interested in going back to meetings or having someone study with us, and [my husband] said he wasn't interested in that." See my previous thread: Two Elders Came to Visit This Afternoon

    Then the other one said: "Well whether they made an announcement or not, I'll ask and get to the bottom of it. But that still doesn't mean you can't come to meetings and worship Jehovah, for your own sake and for the kids' too."

    "Why would I want to worship anyone whose followers spread lies and slander about my husband? Why would I want my kids to associate with people who gossip and spread lies and slander about their father? If the Elders? made that announcement or not, the lies and gossip are still being circulated about him. I wondered why my parents have been so cool to us. I wondered why my brother stopped speaking to us. I guess now I know why."

    "Did the Elders? ask him if he wanted to be a Witness? anymore?"

    "If they did, and they took that as an act of disassociation, that was pretty sneaky and underhanded of them. I didn't think Jehovah would approve of that kind of deception and trickery. I mean, if the Elders? are so Spiritual? and Righteous? and if that is their goal, to disassociate someone, why not just be honest about it and ask "Is it OK if we announce to the congregation that you have disassociated?", why resort to deception and trickery the way Satan the Devil does? That was the kind of nonsense that was happening that made us QUIT going to meetings in the first place."

    heh heh... the subject changed to small talk again, almost immediately! LOL and then it was "oh, we'd better get going... look at the time!"

    They left me with some magazines and a brochure. I won't be going to any meetings on Sunday either. It'll be a much better day if we put up our Christmas tree instead.

    Love, Scully

  • shotgun
    shotgun

    Funny situation Scully....You handled it well.

    Don't you just hate it when you get all prepared to come out guns blazing and then you can't because you care to much about them to blow up their hopes and dreams.

    Q: Why would two sisters come to the home of a supposedly Da'd former member? I thought that priveledge was reserved for elders?

    Have fun putting up the tree with the family Scully.

    Your BC bud..Shotgun...

    BC bud is almost legal you know.

  • acsot
    acsot

    Scully, I responded to one of the other posts about the sisters' tugging at your heart strings; I've just read what happened on this one. Maybe what you said will make them think; lies, trickery, deception - yup, those are definitely hallmarks of true Christianity .

    I bet the elders are too cowardly to go themselves and speak with you!

    BTW, I think you handled it very well!

  • calamityjane
    calamityjane
    lies , slander ,gossip sneaky, underhanded, deception and trickery the way Satan the Devil does?

    Scully you did great.

    That's exactly what I saw on my way out of the borg. I really couldn't stomach that kind of crap anymore. and I wasn't willing to "wait on Jehovah" to correct things If I did I'd still be in there nine years later and miserable.

    love cj

  • Gretchen956
    Gretchen956

    Girl you have got some game! You handled that very well. I'm very thankful that I don't live in the same part of the state that I did when I was associated so I don't have to worry about that.

    I have heard of situations recently (from another list that I'm on) where they actually come looking for people years after they "drift away". One guy said that they asked everyone he used to know as well as family and then sent the elders from the congregation he was then located in (people who were strangers to him) to confront him and ensure that he was disfellowshipped.

    In my cousin's case, she has been out for about a dozen years and all of a sudden they are asking her family where she is and how to contact her. She finally called one of them up, long distance and asked him what he wanted that was so important (really caught him off guard). He said he wanted to know her address. She asked him why. He said that was NONE OF HER BUSINESS (???!!!) and asked her again. She said she had no intention of giving him his address and asked him if that was everything. He then asked her if she was having anything to do with any other religion. She told him she had not been involved with any religion at all for many years and asked if that was all he wanted to hear. She then hung up. I hear they came one last time to her sister's place (several states away) asking about her. This time her sister told them off and said she never wanted to see their sorry a$$es again.

    I wondered if this was a new thing or something to track all the old exjw's down and ensure that they were expelled or something. Do you think we're hosing up their numbers or something? Or could it be that they think we're "bringing reproach?" At any rate, in all these years no one has bothered me. I would almost welcome it! But then again, since my family has cut me off, when I moved I didn't give them my new address either. (Them cutting me off in my case was a blessing.)

    Anyway, I digress. Congratulations on how you handled a very intense situation.

    Gretchen

  • JH
    JH

    That's why I never answer the door to elders or any witness. I don't trust any one of them.

    If your husband said that he didn't want a bible study, it doesn't mean that he dissasociated himself. They wanted to get rid of him, and twisted his words.

  • Big Tex
    Big Tex
    the subject changed to small talk again, almost immediately

    I'll just bet it did.

    You did good Scully. Really. Although I would have been tempted to ask if they were going to count the time and an RV for visiting. It shows that the Great Unwashed doesn't know the machinations of the elders, nor do they wish to know.

    I've never understood the need of some to feel superior to others, just because the belief system is different. I guess insecurity and low self-esteem play a role. Still, it is sad that two people whom you were close to would so quickly and easily make assumptions without even talking to you. I can't help but feel that if they felt as deep a friendship toward as you toward them, they would have at least had the decency to pick up the phone after the announcement was and ask. I know I would have.

  • Maverick
    Maverick

    You did well. Don't be too surprised if the bros announce that YOU have DA'd yourself as well. They make up their own rules as they go along. I wrote the PO a letter telling him he was a bold face liar and a real dirt bag. Called the CO a corporate inspector general and impotent. They DA'd me as an unbaptized publisher because I wrote a letter nullifying my baptism. Right in the letter it stated that it was not a letter of dissassociation. They do what ever they want. Maverick

  • RR
    RR

    You know, I have a very strange situation on my hands. My wife and I walked out of the hall over ten years ago, leaving behind friends and family. We found new unconditional friends, and started a new family. (My son was born just a week ago). The elders tried a few times to talk to us, I just blew them away and told them, we neded some time. Over ten years later, I am very active in my current church.

    My mother-in-law attends the same congregation we were left. We visit her frequently at her home, she's always entertaining the friends, we chat all the time, as if nothing happened, elders, servants, friends and even bethelites know who we are and what we do, and no one .... NO ONE has turned us in.

    Not that it matters if they decide to bturn us in, after ten years and on our own, it makes little difference!

    But I do enjoy having the WItnesses in my area came knocking, so I can share with them my research, 9 out of 10 always deny what I'm saying, claiming, I either read it wrong or was mistaken, until I take them to the study, then their jaws drop, and all of a sudden, they have another appointment to see. lol

    I never have the same witness visit me twice.

    RR

    RR

  • Mulan
    Mulan

    Good job!!

    Similar thing happened to our niece two years ago. Elders called on her and she had just gotten out of the shower, and came to the door in her robe and towel on her head, and told them it wasn't a good time, and to call first, and she closed the door. She noticed them on her street, probably waiting for her to come home from work, and just wouldn't answer the door when they came to the door. So, she wrote a letter asking them to please honor her request to call first, and she stipulated that "this is not a disassociation letter" and put in a few warnings about them NOT making any announcement to that end. SIX MONTHS LATER, her estranged husband told her she had been disassociated six months earlier. They never informed her of it and people were shunning her...............a few JW's work where she does, and she wondered why they would act like she was invisible.

    They are such cowards.

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