I don't want to bore anyone with the long story, so i'll just cut to the chase. Suffice it to say i got too emotionally involved with a girl before i knew her beliefs as a JW. Now, because of our mutual involvement, me being a "worldly man" and all, she has been disfellowshipped. We knew it was going to happen two weeks before the announcement. I tried to give her the necessary space and time so she could spend her moments with her family, knowing this would be the last time she saw them for awhile. The last time i saw her was 1 week ago( 4 days before the announcement). The last time I talked to her was the day before the announcement, she said she would call back but never did, i understood. The night of her disfellowshipping, i called her to ask how she was doing - no answer, understandable i suppose. Later i recieved a Text message saying that she couldn't talk, she needed time. We haven't spoken, other than a few text messages here or there, since. I'm really hurt by these actions. It seems like i have been pushed away by my one and only love at a time that i believed she would need me most. Less than two weeks ago we were setting a marriage date, and now i feel like i've been dumped. I guess i'm just asking for any comments, any support, or any help anyone can give me. I feel like my life has been taken from me and i'm just not sure what to do. I sensed this coming. I'd say "I love you," and she'd say it back, but it just wasn't the same. Help if you can.
Girlfriend was recently disfellowshipped
by kgav8r 25 Replies latest members private
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anewme
Dear Kgav8r, sorry to read of the pain you are going through. No one who gets near this cult gets away without a singe. If you ask me, I'd say be patient. Your girlfriend is no doubt in shock.
All the ramifications of disfellowshipping are not fully understood sometimes until AFTER THE FACT.
And it is now that she is probably getting alot of attention from elders and family and advice on how to return to the Borg's good graces. She is confused.
But dont stay away too long. I say email her or text message her or try to call her to see how she is doing.
But if she is considering falling back into the Borg then you will have to step back and let her go Im afraid. Her choosing you over the Borg must be her decision. Sorry. -
cyberdyne systems 101
I know a bit about what your going through - although less from being involved with an ex JW girlfriend but more to do with someone who wasn't ready for some choices she was making, i.e. a romantic relationship with me. This person pulled away from me when she would have needed me the most and I to found it very hurtful. In the end I saw a side of her that I realised was incompatable with my personality and therefore my head told me to let her go although my heart didnt want to do so. I guess she may come back after the shock she has been through or equaly she may want to make another go of things. You will have your own time limit that will determine how long your prepared to wait for her. Hope it works out for you, and welcome to the screwy world of the JW's.
CS 101
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crankytoe
Make sure you let her know (even if it's a text message) that you're there for her. Since she's the love of your life, give her all the time she needs. She on an emotional roller coaster, she might do things that seem insulting, or give you the impression that she doesn't love you. Your response to anything she does right now should be that you love her and want to help.
Hope you guys make it,
Love hurts,
Crank,
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kgav8r
Thanks for the welcome, and a screwy world it is indeed! And thanks to all of you for your insightful replies. It is so hard for me to be patient now. I was ready to progress in this relationship and continue with my life, and, i had hoped, a better life. All of that has been put on hold for now. I just got a text from her and i think we will be able to talk tonight. Not real sure what i'm gonna say. She has already told me she doesn't know what to say. I hope we can be productive.
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karnage
I wish nothing but happiness for you kgav8r. I hate to say it, but you may have to set in your mind that things will never be the same between the two of you again. You are fighting against something that you cannot fully understand. The pull and influence of this organization is like nothing you can imagine. She has a choice to make, and it is either be with you, or really lose out on her family. I am sure that her family gave her the talk about if she chooses you then they can no longer talk to her or help her in times of need. She would be considered dead in the eyes of her family as well as the congregation. When I was associated with the WTBTS it was hard to date someone within the organization. I can't imagine the hell that it would be for someone outside of the organization to date a JW. It's going to hurt for awhile, but I strongly suggest that you prepare yourself for the worse. I am not a negative person, but I am a realist. Good luck and I do wish you the very best. Keep us posted.
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Poztate
We haven't spoken, other than a few text messages here or there, since. I'm really hurt by these actions. It seems like i have been pushed away by my one and only love at a time that i believed she would need me most. Less than two weeks ago we were setting a marriage date, and now i feel like i've been dumped.
It sounds to me like she might be thinking of returning to the borg. One of the steps in doing that might be to dump you so she will seem to be repentant to the elders. Her family might have more influence than you do at this time.
Take care...POZ
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kgav8r
Well, our meeting face to face did not happen yesterday evening. It was her day off and she really had a hard time holding herself together. We did have a pretty nice and reassuring conversation via text messaging, though. I agree that it will take time. I fear that she does want to return to the Borg and i am going to do my best, as hard as it will be, not to influence her decision. It must be her decision. I cannot even imagine what this must be like for her. As she said, she needs time to clear her mind and make sure the decisions she makes from this point are the right decisions. We have agreed to meet for lunch today. I'm not sure what to say or do and i'm not sure what will come of it. Wish me the best!
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Nosferatu
Sorry to hear about this mess! Unfortunately, this is what can happen when you get involved with a JW.
Later i recieved a Text message saying that she couldn't talk, she needed time.
Give her the "time" and "space" that she wants. Let her do the initiating. If she quits initiating, you'll know that you should quit waiting for her and move on.
Lay off the wedding plans until things become clear.
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kgav8r
Thanks for the encouragement. It has been a tough week, and i fear it may only get tougher.