Do we really know each other?

Billygoat

Every morning, I wake up, take a shower, put on makeup, wear a cute outfit, style my hair, walk out of my cute suburban home, drive my sporty little car to a "cool" job, come home to a gorgeous husband, sit in our stylish living room and watch "in" shows like Lost and The Office. So many people make judgements on me based on those very things I listed. But they have no idea who I am, what I believe in, what I represent, what impassions me, or what issues I struggle with on a daily basis.

I put up a really great front.

How many of us do this?

What do you do to scratch below someone's surface?

blondie

Do we really know ourselves?

Billygoat

Is it then MY fault that people get the impression of a perfect girl when that is the front I put up?

jgnat

Those social "fronts" are very handy in certain situations. I dress up when I speak before a crowd, for instance. Knowing someone else is a treasure. It takes time and dedication to really get to know somebody, their hopes and dreams. I do find our modern "busy" culture does not affort much opportunity for these deep relationships. They have to be deliberately sought out and nurtured.

AND, as Blondie pointed out so neatly, it's even rarer to know ourselves.

After several traumatic family events, I had to drop the shells. WYSWYG.

daystar

It's not your fault that anyone perceives you in any particular way.

However, we do choose, consciously or unconsciously, the image we present to the rest of the world. Other people will react to the image they perceive differently based upon who they themselves are.

One can't be overly concerned about it.

blondie

It is natural to try and be your best...it is just not sustainable 24/7.

I just read a blurb that said to strive for excellence not perfection.

Knowing a person even yourself is not a static process, ongoing till the day you die (and after).

Blondie

lonelysheep

The front we have up is there because it is the outer image of our life. It is not necessarily something that "we put up".

I have a husband, kids, car, job, try my best to look nice everyday, and am nice. Sure looks perfect.

But I'm not known. Someone would have to spend time talking to me to actually know me.

Everyone always has their own stuff going on that can't be seen.

bikerchic

Awe (((Andi))) you are all of those things you listed and more. Sorry to say but the struggles you are going through are part of the age you are. Don't be so hard on yourself, enjoy the moments and learn the lessons life is teaching you so when you are my age you can be wise and give understanding to your daughters. Life is a game Andi, loosen up and play!

I like the WYSIWYG approach to life because I live in the now and I'm comfortable with who I am and not really concerned with how others perceive me. I know that on a different day they will see a different me (outwardly). Inwardly I've come to terms with myself warts and all I don't pretend with myself and I don't pretend with others.

Now if I could just get it through my thick head that everybody else doesn't operate with the same kind of honesty.......sigh.

Edited to add; besides Andi you're pretty darn cute inside and out!

coolhandluke

The truth is that even if someone were to spend every waking hour with you, you'd always retain something deeply personal that is yours, that you'd never share. That is the nature of humans. My brother likes to respond to the defense "I don't know" with "That is a lie. Everyone knows everything. Either they are afraid to say it, afraid to admit it or afraid that saying it means they are responsible for the reprocussions of their words." He's a smart guy.

CHL

Super_Becka

I put up a really great front.
How many of us do this?

*raises hand*

That said, I'm a very honest person and the "Becka" that other posters have been reading about is the real me, as real as I am in the real world.

Of course, we all have our fronts, our insecurities, our problems, our worries. I'm a very shy person, it's very hard for me to make new friends and interact sometimes, so when I moved back to college in September and was faced with the prospect of three new roommates that I'd never met before, I was terrified. Especially after what happened with my last roommate - my last boyfriend cheated on me with her and I was deathly afraid that that would happen again, even though my current relationship is long distance. Talk about paranoid. But I sucked it up and pretended that I wasn't nervous at all. I was happy, helpful, polite, everything I am with people that I know well, and my roommates still don't know how shy I am.

Nobody knows about the things that worry me. Most people wouldn't guess that I have a lot of very lonely nights when I cry myself to sleep. That's part of who I am - I like to keep my private life private. Sure, I have a life that I share with those around me, I hang out with friends and interact and do all of the things that everyone else does, but I also have a private side that I like to keep to myself. Could you call that putting up a front?? Sure, I guess so, I hide a lot of things from those around me, but not everything.

Plus, I'm 20 years old, I'm still trying to figure out who I am. Sometimes I do something new and it completely shocks everyone around me. You should've seen the look on my mother's face last May when I told her that I had a 27-year-old man flying in from the United States for two weeks to meet me and spend some time with me and maybe start dating me. She looked at me like I was nuts, it was so out of character for me, I never do anything like that, I usually only do what's expected of me. That's the thing, as I learn who I am, I find myself doing more things that just don't seem like something I'd usually do, like dating an older man who lives really far away. Sure, it's not what "Becka" usually does, but Becka is still defining herself and growing up.

Does that sound reasonable??

-Becka :)

Do we really know each other?

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