My paternal Grandmother is Joyce. Joyce is a chain smoking, grumpy, sarcastic, old lady that has lived a hard life. She got pregnant at 16, married by 17, had four boys by 21, worked like a dog to raise them and never got an education. She was divorced 16 years later and married the man she had an affair with. Who was a beer-guzzling, truck-driving redneck, who had a hard time settling down. She has seen two of her boys die, one brutally by his own hand, the other to a lifelong disease, spina bifida. She has witnessed her father die, three of her siblings die, and is the only person to take care of her 96 year old mother who's health is ailing. So her reasons for being grumpy are pretty obvious. She's lived a really tough life. But I really dislike being around her because it's exhausting to always hear negative things come out of her mouth. Which could be the weather, the new hairstyle of the newslady on the tele, the brown lipstick I decided to wear that day, or the new boyfriend my cousin has. She is simply one of the most negative people I've ever met. And I hate that I hate being around her.
My memory of her son, my father, is one of a man who is angry and anxious all the time. He may not always show it, but as a child, I could feel it around him. Like Pigpen from Peanuts, he carried with him worries, anger, anxiousness like a little cloud. But that cloud was so blindingly toxic that it affected all who came in contact with him, whether they wanted to be affected or not. You would literally hold your breath because the stench of his anger and negativity was so profuse. You never knew when the lightning bolt would strike if you were standing too close.
Today I am 34 years old. I am married to a man who is laid back and gentle-spirited and has one of the most positive attitudes of anyone I know. He is quick to smile and welcome with hugs and loves me like I've never been loved by anyone. He is always looking at Life with a smile because of all the amazing blessings he sees in it. We became friends during a period in which I was going through some training. I was experiencing talk therapy with a counselor and the counselor was teaching me to "be positive". He taught me that being positive was something I had control over. IT WAS A CHOICE TO BE MADE. Let me say that again. Being positive was a choice to be made.
Every night before I went to bed, I had to write down 10 things that I considered blessings about my day. Sometimes, it was hard to do it as I was going through a very difficult time in my life. But sometimes, my list would be 20 or 40 items long. Before long I was learning to capture those blessings throughout my day. I would think to myself, "Oh, here is something I need to put on my list tonight." Maybe it was as simple as the sweet flavor of a chocolate ice cream cone, but it was a positive thing to remember and list. I did that little exercise everyday for months. After awhile, I realized my positive lists were getting longer and longer and more time intensive. Sometimes taking up a couple pages in my Blessing Journal. I'd find myself journaling for as long as an hour, just writing things positive about my day. That's a long time to write! But that exercise really taught me that Being Positive was something I needed to put at the top of my To Do List everyday. Growing up with "negative genes" and in a negative environment, where mistakes were always recognized and positives rarely rewarded, I realized I had LEARNED to be negative! I had the bad habit of being negative! This is something I am still amazed at. That I can UNLEARN this behavior.
Here is a simple exercise that demonstrates this:
Look around the room you're sitting in. Begin listing all the blue items you see. Pens, wallpaper, chairs, etc. If you see blue, tick them off in your head. Now close your eyes. And think of all the red things you saw. Hard isn't it? Why? Because you weren't focused on them. You were focused on the blue. Same with the negative and positives in our lives. If you focus on your negatives, that's all you will see. But if you focus on the positives, before long, THAT'S all you'll see.
So, I guess my question is, do you have a negative attitude or a positive attitude? And do you see any need for improvement? I say all this because I know I needed the reminder. Last week I had a hard time seeing the positive. But it was because I didn't focus on them. So this week, I'm doing much better. I'm choosing to focus on the positive, which in turn, changes my demeanor and how I feel.
My deep thoughts for the day.
Andi
