Part 4: The Last KM School
The average JW Elder participates in extra exclusive activities over and above the Rank & File JW: Among them are the Judicial Committees, Private meetings with the Circuit and District Overseer on various ‘Official’ occasions, Possession of the secretive “Flock” book, and Kingdom Ministry School.
Of all these, the least frequently experienced is KM School. It is not all that exciting, because much of what is covered is admonition about what most JWs already know that Elders are supposed to be doing: Examples in Field Service, regular Shepherding calls, Meeting Preparation and attendance, Study with the family, etc. Some of the time spent will be about local projects, Quick-Build Kingdom Halls, or usage of the Circuit Assembly Hall, etc. Some of the material is about changes in how Judicial matters are viewed and decided, such as what technically constitutes fornication vs hum-drum petting, etc.
Why do Elders like to attend? I recall looking forward to advance announcements of major changes. JWs in general like this, and some who attend Conventions early will tease JWs with the cover of a new book release, but will not let it be examined. I also would wonder if they were going to add new Elder positions, or change back to rotation of some positions. I often felt that Ministerial Servants should get more hand-on training, and watched for anything that would allow us to use MSs more often. Notations to be added to our Flock books were also of concern. I assume that other Elders attended for much of the same reasons.
This Time it was Different! Early in the morning I drove around and picked up a couple of Elders, and met the rest at the Hall. Our drive seemed like a million miles that day. I didn’t participate much in the scuttle-butt bandied about. The PO talked about the nest month KM assignments. Another Elder mentioned the possible need for a JC regarding a specific case, but spoke somewhat cryptically. The rest of the discussions were about normal things in life. I did not really care or expect anything new or exciting at the KM School. I was thinking about my family, forming various plans about how to get them out of the Organization. I was thinking about how and when I would resign. I simply resolved to stay quiet and not give away anything that could cripple my pending plans.
We Arrive at Woodburn Assembly Hall: After piling out of the van, we walked as a group up to the main entrance. The parking lot was filling, and Elders in suits carrying large briefcases were converging together to get in. Suddenly, our PO stopped us, and said that he had something to give to us. Tickets!
As he handed these out, I saw that they were red, and looked just like the ticket stubs given out at fairs and carnivals. As he handed me my ticket, I asked what this was for. I expected it to be for lunch or something like that. But, before he could comment, I asked if they were having door prizes. The PO and other Elders got a good chuckle out of that line. Then, he said we needed these to gain entrance into the KM School. What?! Tickets to get in?, I asked. He said that it was a new arrangement from the Society, and he had to keep it confidential until we arrived. It is set up this way to keep out “Apostates” who might slip into the program. I said that we should not fear any “Apostates” – what are they going to do? Take over? He commented that “Apostates” will get information and then twist it against us. I said that we should not care. If we are telling the truth and doing what is right, who cares what “Apostates” hear? He said that this is what the Society wants, and we have to live by it. I dropped the subject.
The Meeting: After mingling for a short time, the CO tapped the microphone and requested we take our seats. Like a brush of wind, you could hear all the men in suits moving quickly to sit and get settled. After opening prayer, the CO said he had some important announcements. There were to be no video recorders, no cameras, and no tape recordings operating at anytime during the sessions. Again, like a breeze, you could hear the jostling of cameras and recorders being placed under seats. The CO even discouraged note taking, which seemed rather unusual. I looked up and down the aisle and noticed that many kept their note pads out anyway, so, I kept mine out.
The meeting was dull at first. There were no exciting announcements, no special arrangements. So my mind drifted off onto what I had read from In Search and Crisis. I thought about time, time lost for so many years, and the time that is still ahead. I thought about my family and what it might be like were we to now live a normal life ... go to DisneyLand, the beach, or my daughters dressed up for their Senior Prom.
”Brothers! We need you to pay attention!” Ahhh ... the bone-crushing call to attention. Why? Did they see me gazing off into never-never land? Was someone snoring? “Brothers, we have some important changes in how to handle certain cases of wrongdoing, and you will want to pay close attention!” What? Something new coming out of the Faithful and Discreet Slave? This was not about sleeping, but something bold about to usher forth! I grabbed my note pad and pen ... and sat up like a good soldier.
Brothers! The Society has noticed that we have lost some Elders and Ministerial Servants over the years! Some Elders have quietly resigned, and some were forced to step down because of strict application of procedures. (Was this our fault?) So we are being reminded of a loving provision from the organization regarding cases where Elders and Ministerial Servants have either committed serious sins before appointment or even After there are appointed.
The CO now brought out a Kingdom Ministry and begin reading ... when he finished, he restated the provisions that if an Elder or Ministerial Servant committed some serious wrong, and 2 or 3 years had passed, with the wrongdoing no longer being practiced, the sin not known among the Friends, and the Brother still hold the respect of the Congregation, he does “NOT” have to be removed or feel obligated to resign. Shaa-Zaaam! What???!!! Say that again, I said to myself. The CO, as though he read my mind, repeated the same thing again, including reading the KM. He then volunteered the date and issue of the KM. Then proceeded to remind us that this loving provision has been there all along but we were not paying attention ... and this refresher from the Slave Class should help reduce the numbers resigning or being removed as Elders and Ministerial Servants.
Note: I devoted an entire post to this on JWD: You can read it for yourself. http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/forum/thread.asp?id=7414&site=3#87017
I glanced around, and then looked at the Elder sitting next to me: He looked back at me. After a brief pause, I said, “Are we developing a clergy class with this?” He just shrugged his shoulders, and said nothing. His eyes told me that he was thinking what I was thinking ... that is “Why can’t the same standard be applied to any JW? Why can’t a JW who has done some serious wrong just forget about it? Or even if they confess to the Elders, just give them kindly counsel, and let them continue to enjoy all their privileges?
The rest of the day was filled with the normal pabulum and swill of routine exhortation to do our jobs as Elders. Try to research the publications more and don’t call the Society so much. (I recalled how Elders on the East Coast never understood why Elders on the West Coast felt so shy about calling Brooklyn. They did it all the time. It was hard to explain to them how we were continuously told that we needed to not call the Society so much.) Here again we were told that we were calling too much and not using our Watchtower Indexes and other fine provisions from the Faithful Slave.
It was Over at Last: At the close of prayer, we started talking about the program, and I had to ask about what I heard regarding Elders and MSs not having to be removed for wrongdoing. Everyone heard the same thing and agreed that they too had missed or forgotten the older KM. Some made commendation of the Society for allowing some relaxation so that “Good Men” could stay on and serve, and let the past be left to the past. This was fine I guess, but somehow, to only apply this to Elders and Ministerial Servants seemed like a slap in the face to average JWs.
The Ride Home: It was like the ride down to the KM School ... rather uneventful. But, we did talked about the announcement that Elders could seriously sin and not have to be removed. I finally looked at the PO and said, “So, an Elder could go out smoke a Joint or get drunk or commit adultery, and if he can hide it well, and not keep doing it, then let 2 or 3 years pass, and he is off the hook.” The PO responded that he didn’t think it was quite that way ... but then agreed that technically I was correct. I wanted to keep the discussion up, and get into the Double Standard and creation of a Clergy Class ... but, my heart was not into the debate ... and I fell silent, and just drove ... my mind again drifted into what I had been reading from Ray Franz and my family’s future.
”Do you think he is Apostate!” What, who? Say that again? Do you think that Brother G might be an apostate? The PO had been talking, but I did not realize he was talking to me. He was wondering if I thought brother G was Apostate because he hardly attends meetings and is now inactive. Brother G worked at the plant, but I did not know this until recently ... and that made 2 JW men at my job. So the PO thought that I might be friends with Brother G and maybe have some inside scoop on his behavior. I said No, I don’t think he is apostate ... he works hard, and just had developed some habits ... maybe we can include him in our next round of Shepherding visits. The PO agreed and the subject died. But, I had this strange thought that I was glad I was not inactive now, because my earlier fears of being thought of badly might have hurt my chances to help my family ... staying active and serving my appointment was proving to be the best after all.
Meeting God on the Mountain: Sometime in late December I had a day to myself. The family was gone out for the day, shopping and visiting. So I got something to eat, changed cloths, and took my binoculars and a can of Coke. I drove up to the hills near my house. My home had a beautiful view ... one to kill for ... but the high hills nearby were even better, quiet, peaceful, where I could find solitude.
At the top I could park off the gravel road and walk out to a view point and see 5 volcanoes in a panorama. Starting in the north, in Washington State is Mt. Rainier over 14,000 ft, then Mt. St. Helens at 8300 ft, (now a flat top from its former 9600 ft peak due to the 1980 eruption), then Mt. Adams at 12,000 ft, followed by Mt. Hood in Oregon at 11,000 ft., then to the south, Mt. Jefferson at 10,000 ft. It was not a real clear day so my view was limited to the three snow-capped volcanic cones in the middle.
I started to pray to God ... I asked for help so I could get my family out. I did not think it fair to lose them to the organization. I told him I didn’t know what to do, but I couldn’t take it anymore ... I had to find a way to leave. Typical for God, he does not say anything directly in return ... just silence. We are left to interpret any sensation or feeling to mean something ... but, I really did not feel anything. The fear of leaving the JWs, though, was starting to subside ... I knew it was the “Beginning of the End” for me as a JW ... to be continued ...