The recent suicide of Ary (puternut) has me going through some emotions that I should have finished decades ago but now they have come back with intensity. If you are interested, I want to share with you the story of my brother, Mark. I was a teenager when my mother learned she was again pregnant. It was a time of anxiety for my parents considering their age but it was a time of wonderful anticipation for me. I was so excited to finally have a little brother that my parents allowed me to name him, Mark, after my best friend at the time. His first bedroom of his own was upstairs off of my room. He would often lay in my bed at night before I would insist he go to his own room and go to sleep. We would talk about everything a little person needs to know: What is air made of? Why does a ball bounce? Does Jehovah have a big toilet in heaven? When I went off to Bethel he was only five years old and my parents told me he cried constantly. But I was going through some adjustments of my own then and couldn't concern myself with his needs. I had for the most part exited his life for the next twelve years. Mark was doing well enough as a young JW. His dad had finally quit smoking and was now a JW too. Mark was doing his best to be the good little preacher. When he ended up in the hospital after being hit by a car his chief concern was that his new book bag was all scratched up. But about the time of puberty, he started to have some conflicts with folks at the kingdom hall. He got in a heap of trouble with an old sister sitting in front of him because she thought he was deliberately kicking her chair during the meeting. He was bored and fidgety for sure, what kid his age at the kingdom hall wasn't? Then the elders started coming down on his little group of friends. They were the type that preferred to hangout in the men's room as long as possible, making jokes about the stodgy elders and the self righteous old sisters. He had begun to feel unwelcome. The last straw was when someone at the circuit assembly, held in the high school gym, pulled the fire alarm and the entire crowd had to be ushered out. No one knew for sure who did it but the blame went on Mark, "it just had to be him". Who knows, maybe it was, but it seems from that point Mark was a young man who belonged NO WHERE. He had been a JW all his life. That meant he was an odd ball at school abstaining from holidays, sitting through the national anthem (that was required then), refusing to develop friendships with school mates. We all did that, didn't we, because we believed we had the truth. This sacrifice was for our own good so we could survive Armageddon and set a good example for others who might follow our lead. But now Mark was also an outsider at the kingdom hall, not good enough for the theocratic new order. I don't know how long he floundered in this never land of displacement but I do know when it changed for him. The last day of junior high school. Being slightly built and the JW odd ball he was a target for ridicule. One particularly big bad dog who irritated everyone had singled Mark out to be his special 'chew toy'. This appears to have been going on for a couple of years but on this last day of school Mark's frustration had reached it's limit. He responded to a physical threat from this bugger with an unanticipated Mike Tyson right hander. The big bully ran away crying with his bloodied nose. Mark was suddenly the school hero. He had dethroned the evil king and was celebrated as if he had single handedly pulled down the statue of Saddam Hussan. Mark now belonged. He was welcomed, accepted, even special. Although this attention came from the forbidden source, 'Satan's evil world', it provided him the validation he lacked for so many years. He didn't need to be somebody special, he just relished in the feeling of being SOMEBODY. I'm certain that Mark still believed the JW world view but I also suspect that in his heart he was silently saying to the elders and the old biddy's at the KH, F**k you. While this was the beginning of the real life for Mark, it was also the beginning of his end. I'm sorry this is getting so long so please let me post this and I will put up the rest of the story a little later today, when I finish it. Steve
Finish of story at http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/7/107314/1.ashx