The hypocrisy of the DF policy

Sirona

Hi Everyone

I posted recently about a JW friend on mine getting DF'd. (She was the only JW who kept in touch with me when I left 5 years ago).

Now I'm just SO ANGRY about some things that have been said by my JW family. Just this last weekend my friend hit rock bottom. She has lost ALL her JW family, all her JW friends, her house, her daughter (who sees her just a few days a week now). She is sitting in an unfurnished rented house alone and it finally hits her so she phoned me. My hub answered because I wasn't home (I was at my mother's) and my hub spoke to her for a few minutes to try and help her stop crying, then he phoned me at my mum's to tell me. I took the call and my mum could tell something was wrong and said "whats up?" so I replied, "Well you know that ***** is living in a rented house and she's lost all friends and family, well its hit her and she's really down so I'm gonna phone her later".... she replied "well she knew the consequences of her actions, she brought it upon herself."

GRRR. So I said "Well she didn't ask to be born into this religion....it isn't her fault that you practice unloving shunning. Cutting her off when she is at her lowest is the most unloving thing you could do and I think it is totally disgusting."

Mum: "Well she knew what she was getting into if she joins a religion which she knows disfellowships for wrongdoing"

Me: "She was born into it! and then forced to get baptised and pioneer at age 16!"

Mum: "WE do love her."

Me: "How? Cutting her off and giving her no help?"

Mum: "Yes."

Now I didn't say this to my mum but my point is this: Her dubby husband was abusive with her, so she gets out of the relationship and is treated really badly by elders in a JC (during which she decided that she *wanted* to get booted just so she could escape her hub and all the crap she's had to put up with). AND THIS IS MY POINT: I have not been DFd or DA'd but I have done things FAR WORSE than she has (from the JW perspective). I'm a freakin WITCH for crying out loud. I take part in pagan rituals on a regular basis, I do christmas, I swear, I drink, and my JW family (and other JWS) know all about that and my Mum and bro still speak to me! So they think its right to shun my friend who has done literally one thing wrong and they feel OK not shunning me? It is totally hypocritical and stupid....they're listening to what Elders say and what TITLE someone is given (DF'd or just "inactive").

I have resolved that the next time I see an active dub (not my family, someone who will make a difference like an elder) I'm going to say exactly what I think. Then lets see if they DF ME! I'm not writing a letter cos that would be playing to them, but I'm DONE with being polite to these leaders in the cult (elders). Let them come and see me and I'll get out ALL my pagan stuff and set up an altar in my lounge, then I'll tell them that they're a destructive cult and I don't give a rats ass what they think.

I'm gonna LOOK for that dubbie who preached to me in town and said that Jehovah had taken his spirit from me and that why I'm weak - GOD that congregation are going to be buzzing about all the things Sirona said and "are they going to DF her?"

Sirona

Gretchen956

((((((((Sirona))))))))) I'm so sorry for your friend and so happy she has a good friend such as yourself to help her through this difficult time in her life. No, those of us born into the religion had no choice. At my house it was "as long as you live under my roof you'll go to the meetings." I practically counted the days until I could move out! No, shunning is not a natural thing, and the fact that they can not only practice it, but turn around and defend it in the face of such hurt, is despicable. I hear it from my family as well.

Tell your friend about JWD, we'd love to have her!

Sherry

Englishman

Yeah, I've had this crap too. "You knew what you were doing when you left". It's absolute rhubarb of course, because I never joined in the first place. That decision was made for me.

Typical dub one-way traffic yet again.

Englishman.

cheeseman

Sirona, good for you that you are looking after your friend. You are showing the kind of love the brainwashed dubbies will never have. I agree with Gretchen...show her this site...it sounds like she could use an outlet.

Balsam

Sirona,

I left an abusive dub husband too but I was fortunate to have the support of a wonderful man who loved me and stuck by he 100% when I left with him. He knew that my dub husband had refused blood to save our son Dak. When I left my two sons gradually left with me. I hope your friend will see beyond the the present circumstances. If she get out and make new friends in the world it will help a bunch. Having you as her friend will help so much. She need to have someone who can listen to her and encourager her to put the JW's behind her. If she has a computer she needs to get online and find support here.

Balsam

Mary

Mum: "Well she knew what she was getting into if she joins a religion which she knows disfellowships for wrongdoing" Me: "She was born into it! and then forced to get baptised and pioneer at age 16!" Mum: "WE do love her."

Wow. Good comeback on your mom's part.

I will assume that your friend got axed for adultery. She's got two options: either she can "go back" and kiss their asses to get reinstated, or the poor soul can be free of the religion, but without her family. It's a very tough choice. I've seen others go through it and it's terrible to witness (no pun intended). Being suddenly cut off from everyone you loved and known is psychologically devastating and to me, this should be illegal for religions to do this to a person. People have committed suicide over this for god's sake.

I'd be really interested to know what sort of "reproof" her husband got for being abusive to her. Lemme guess: absolutely NOTHING, right? This happened to someone I knew years ago. Her husband used to beat the shit out of her and was mentally and emotionally abusive to her. The cops were even called and he was arrested. After years of this sort of treatment (with absolutely NO help from the elders), this poor soul ended up having an affair, obviously looking for some love and affection that her shit-for-brains husband couldn't provide. And the result? She got DF'd for adultery. And as per usual, her husband got absolutely NOTHING for abusing her, although he did later get DF'd for apostasy. He's now "Born Again" and filled with ~~delusions of grandeur~~ The Spir-ut!

If your friend is looking for some support, please tell her about this site........we can try and help her through......ah yes, all will know that you are my disciples if you have love amongst yourselves........that scripture alone proves that this isn't The Truth.

confusedjw

I have resolved that the next time I see an active dub (not my family, someone who will make a difference like an elder) I'm going to say exactly what I think. Then lets see if they DF ME!

Why bother - it will only hurt you.

BrendaCloutier

((((( Sirona ))))) (((((( Friend )))))))

I am so sorry for what you are going thru, and especially what your friend is having to deal with. I've been there.... first w/ JW's and elders (not df/d or da/d just shunned) and then w/ dom violence and abusive husband that I felt I couldnt divorce (even after leaving dubdom)

See if there is a DV shelter in your area. See if they have a support group or liturature you can get her. They may have legal advocacy available!

Give her as much love and support as you can.

Love and hugs.

Oh yeah, rosemary for her for protection and rosepetals for love.

Sirona

Well this will teach me won't it? minutes after I posted this I went to my mums house and who was there? an Elder and his dad! LOL The elder is my age and I'm shocked he was even made into an elder but you know

Well what did I do? Did I tell him to sod off? Did I say I was a witch?

NO

I bottled it. He said "how are you?" I said "fine thanks, you?"

that was it.

ROFLMAO

Maybe soon I'll get the courage.

Yes, my friends hub did abuse her and YES absolutely NOTHING has been done to him.

Sirona

evita

Yes, the policy is ugly and unfair. I am neither DA or DF but faded over 20 yrs ago. My mom shunned me off and on for years but because of my status some dubs do speak to me when I happen to run into them.

But here is a scary thought: My JW mom died recently. I spent alot of time by her side as she was dying as did many of her witless friends. Would they have let me in to see her if I had been DA or DF? I don't think so and this completely freaks me out as it shows how much power they can have over ones life. Many times I thought about writing that disassociation letter and stickin it to them. But I didn't want to lose all possibility of contact with my mom. So sad. Best wishes to you and your friend.

Evi

The hypocrisy of the DF policy

Share this