How would you react if you found out....

Makena1

a JW who formerly treated you badly when you were a dub, shunned and treated you even worse when you left - leaves the borg and is now a fellow ex-JW?

Has anyone ever had this happen to them?

Would you try to work out your differences? Tell them it's about time they woke up and then ignore them? Welcome them to our world and try and strike up a friendship? OR????

In my case, there are at least 2 elders I served with, who if they left the borg - I would have a lot of trouble reconnecting with. A lot would depend on their attitude - would they acknowledge the hurt they caused my family and apologize? or feel that we should let bygones be bygones? If the latter case, I would probably wish them well and have nothing further to do with them.

Also in my case, I have reconnected with someone who was a very close friend, best man at my wedding etc., who left the borg 20 years ago. I never shunned him per se, but only made one effort to contact him (it went well) when he DA'd. When we stopped attending, I finally got back in touch, apologized for ignoring him, and any hurt I caused. He graciously accepted me back as a friend, and over the past year, we have corresponded and enjoyed a wonderful visit over the Thanksgiving holiday.

All best,

Makena

LB

Well it sounds like you reconnected with someone that's a great friend. Not always easy to find.

I'd like to think I'd be very gracious but who really knows. There are jws I like and ex-jws I don't. The one thing most of my friends know about me is that we can disagree on almost anything and I don't take it personally. But for those that have gone out of their way to be unkind, well, that's more difficult for me to overlook.

I would say that I'm willing to be friends with well over 90%, maybe 99% of all jws that I knew, if they still wanted to be friends with me. There are a handful that I'd never be friends with.

Scully

It's hard to let go of hurt that someone else has caused you. But carrying it around in your heart is a bigger burden for you than it is for them.

If you have an opportunity to reconnect with these folks, you could always ask them what it was that led to their departure from the organization. You might find out that you have a lot more in common than you think. You might also realize that they deeply regret any borg-induced unkindness they displayed to you as well.

I've also had some interesting e-mails from long lost friends - people who still consider themselves to be worshipers of Jehovah, but with a "better understanding" of how the system works in the organization, and it has allowed them to make the choice to be "spiritual people" who display the fruits of the spirit, instead of "organization people" who merely follow whatever is dictated by the WTS.

You don't have to become best friends with them, but maybe they would appreciate the fact that you have gone through the same traumatic experience of leaving the organization and will feel comfortable talking to you about their own situation. Take the situation a day at a time, and make your decision when you have more information.

Love, Scully

Jade

When I was in the borg, my best friend left the witnesses. I shunned her as I was taught to do and we lost touch. She was the first person I called when I left and I gave her my sincere apologies. Thank goodness she accepted and we are the best of friends again today.

My brother and mother both shun me today. If they left the borg, I would welcome them with open arms. It's just as hard for them when they come out.

Jade

Valis

Mostly ambivalence towards most of the people I ever grew up with...the elders? Ha!! Those drunks, adulterers, unscrupulous businessmen, child/wife beaters? I hope they stay dubbies...There are some though like moreisbetter that I have recently been reunited with that make me happy as a clam to see again.

Sincerely,

District Overbeer

Billygoat

I'd like to think I'd be gracious as well. I remember when I finally realized this organization wasn't God's. My whole world was turned upside down and I really didn't have anybody to turn to. It was the catalyst for a slide into almost a 10 year depression. I think I'm a little more understanding of people who exit now. I understand the turmoil, confusion, hurt, anger (even if it's misdirected) and downright sadness of losing your "reality". Sometimes I'm amazed I pulled out of it.

Hopefully, I would be a willing listener to that person. Someone they could turn to for some answers, advice, and perhaps just comfort. I wouldn't mind doing it. Even if it were one of the brothers on my DFing committee. I guess it all boils down to their attitude. If they are really struggling and wanting the REAL TRUTH about the bOrg I'd be happy to help. But if they are just naturally jerks and rude (not because they were JWs either!) then I might rethink it.

Just my thoughts,

Andi

PS: Mak - hope you and your family are doing well! I think of you often, even if I don't stay in touch that well. Give my regards to Sabine.

pettygrudger

JW who formerly treated you badly when you were a dub

That pretty much says it all - if they treated you badly while you were a dub - then their true nature pretty much makes itself apparent imho.

Elsewhere

It depends...

If the person has treated me kindly after my leaving the bOrg... I would take them back.

If the person has shunned me... I would demand they apologize profusely and beg for my forgiveness.

starfish422

There are certain people in the Borg who did absolutely unforgivable things to me while I was in the Borg. After I left, all bets were off, as far as I'm concerned. With those people, if they were to leave and if they approached me somewhere, I would relish the opportunity to flip 'em the bird and walk away.

There are others, though, that I would still have contact now if they would allow it. If they were to leave and then contact me I would definitely be open to at least getting to know them again. And there are a very few whom I would accept, no questions asked. :)

Edited by - starfish422 on 16 January 2003 14:20:51

LB

Billygoat

Hopefully, I would be a willing listener to that person.

It's obvious to all that know you that you would.

How would you react if you found out....

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