Will my JW wife and son get into trouble for this?

dmouse

Some of you may remember my son's struggle with his beliefs about a year ago. Benjamin was brought up as a JW and was heavily involved, used extensively on the platform as a good JW role model. However, about a year ago (when he was 13) he started to have doubts and went through a cycle of depression, even contemplating suicide. I managed to pull him through, with the help of a professional counsellor provided through his school, and he is now a happy and well-adjusted teenager.

He has very strong opinions and an uncrushable resolve to make the best of his life. He loves singing, dancing and acting and is trying his best to develop these talents in order to fulfil his dream of working in the performing arts eventually. This has not gone down well with his Mum, or the elders. It was arranged for him to have weekly bible studies with an elder...who tried his best to re-inculcate my son and persuade him to abandon his love of performing arts.

Benjamin's good humour finally gave out this week and he told the elder where to shove his study, and that the whole thing was so much manure. Benjamin will not be going to the studies anymore but has agreed, for his mum's sake, to still go to the meetings.

On Tuesday an elder approached Benjamin and told him that he needed to come to a private meeting with a couple of elders after the meeting, in the dreaded 'back room'. Imagine the effect this might have on a 14 year old! He was quite scared. I'm not sure what the meeting was supposed to be about, after all Benjamin is not baptised.

Anyway, to my surprise, my wife stepped in and told the elders that they were being silly and no such private meeting would be taking place, anything they wanted to say to him could be said with her present! I think the elders have cancelled the meeting with my son for the time being.

I just wonder if my wife will be in their bad books for questioning the way they were going about things. She has already been getting bolshi with them over a number of things. And I also wonder what they could do to my unbaptised son?

minimus

Momma should be there anyway. Even if they say he shouldn't be a publisher, who cares? Isn't this good?

pettygrudger

It sounds as if your wife will be definitely marked as "weak", but as to being in trouble, I could think they would only have grounds because she disrespected "authority" in refusing to allow the elders to meet with her son. Also, since when did they start forcing a child of Benjamin's age to meet w/the elders in the back room alone?

I think it depends on the personality of the congregation. Is your wife generally held in high regard/standing? If so, they'll probably drop the whole thing.

Dia

They don't have any real 'power' to do anything. What do you fear? That they could cut him off from his friends or his mom? Yes, probably, they will try to do that. And they have a good chance of succeeding, too.

All over these boards are the stories of people who have survived this crap and are so much the better for it. Shame on them for haggling with a young teen-ager. BUT THAT'S WHAT THEY DO!!! He's not the first and until we make more headway, he won't be the last, either.

Get him some copies of the books people have written about leaving and he can count his blessings that he's so young and able to do this before he's wasted his whole life.

Hurrah for your wife for taking a stand and allowing her God-given maternal instincts to kick in. Let her know how much you appreciate this. Lots of witnesses do manage to walk that double line, being true to themselves and still doing the witness performance thing.

Some people who have been harrassed about leaving have gone as far as to take out a legal injunction against the witnesses to force them to leave them alone.

It works, I hear.

Good luck. Have I mentioned how lucky he is to have you?

He won't be 'underage' forever. Four more years and he can say and enforce whatever he wants. It's his life now but it will really be his life then.

Stick by him.

Nathan Natas

I think that because your intelligent and self-confident son is not baptized, the very most the elders could do would be to issue a warning from the platform that he was not a "good association" for other young christians in the congregation.

As for your wife, it warms my heart to hear that she defended your son when the chips were down. Years ago I would have thoughtthat there was nothing the elders could do because of the supremacy of parental authority - your wife's wishes, as the "believing mate" would have been respected. Nowadays, however, I am not so sure. It seems the current mode of the WTS is "obey unquestioningly the elders or you are apostate." I think it is possible they may disfellowship her. Scriptural? No, but when has that been an issue for the WTS clergy class?

- Nathan Natas, UADNA

BeelzeDub

The elders should never ask to meet in private with an unbaptized minor without a parent being there. My unbaptised 15 y/o son got into some minor trouble and they wanted to talk with him and a parent should be there, you are the head of your house and in your absense your spouse is. Actually if they have some sort of problem they should come to you and let you handle it.

I would not allow the elders to meet with my child in private, until they are baptized.

If they are trying to put some pressure on him to get baptized... well Jesus didn't get baptized until age 30 and he was the perfect son of God. End of that topic.

dmouse

To add to the story, my wife's faith in the 'gifts in men' was badly shaken about six months ago when Benjamin saw an elder's teenage daughter smoking. He told his mum who approached the elder in private to warn him. She was shocked to be told that Benjamin was a 'troublemaking liar'. Nothing was said to the elder's daughter but afterwards Benjamin was treated like dirt!

I'm hoping that the cracks in her conditioning are starting to appear. I doubt they'll disfellowship her (yet) but there may be a local needs part about respecting the elders!

Edited by - dmouse on 26 September 2002 8:52:19

Room 215

Kudos to both your wife and your son! Even from a correct procedural point of view, these elder/bullies should have known that it's against Society policy to haul minor children into the back room w/o the permission-- and presence -- of at least one believing parent.

expatbrit

DM:

You can use the Watchtowers "mature minor" doctrine. After all, if a young person is mature enough to make a life or death decision on blood transfusions, they must certainly be mature enough to decide whether or not to go to meetings.

Perhaps your son could enroll in evening activities that happen to fall on meeting nights?

Also, there was a recent question from readers that stated that if the unbelieving father required the kids not to go to meetings, the believing wife had to respect that, since he is da man. So you could force the issue with WT backup. Of course, sooner or later your son must make his own decision, but having you cast as the bad guy would give him an excuse not to go, and could take elder-heat off your wife.

Alternatively, you could write them a strongly worded letter stating that, in view of the recently exposed paedophile problems within the Watchtower, you demand that there be no meetings with your young son behind closed doors. And any harrassment may be met with legal action.

Expatbrit

stichione

Actually since you're the head of the household the elders should ask your permission for the meeting, not go hehind your back and ask for secret meetings with a minor. What are they, pedophiles too?

Will my JW wife and son get into trouble for this?

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