Sometimes our reputation is the only thing we have

Lady Lee

A few years ago I went to a apostafest in Montreal. One of the couples there was someone I knew. Her sister was someone my had a study with and brought into the "truth". I had met this woman before but did not know her well. We sat across the table and I think for the most part we just sized each other up. Finally we made the connections and realized we had met.

When I left the JWs I commited adultery to get away from my husband. One would think they had plenty of ammunition to tarnish my reputation forever. But it seems that in the absence of any factual information the JWs do what they usually do and make up things we must have been DFed for.

I was stunned. I don't even remember what she said I was supposed to have done but it sure wasn't what I did do.

When I was 12 and my mother caught her common law husband sexually abusing me she blamed me for "seducing" him. She pretty much called me a home-wrecker and the "other woman" (Let's not forget of course that she herself had run off with this man leaving his wife and 3 children behind)

Those of us who have left the JWs fully realize the extent th=at the WTS and JWs go to demonize us. It hurts to have people say things that just aren't true.

In the case of the woman above I hope she went back to her sister (still a JW) and told her the real truth about what happened.. My mother will never change though. Her opinion of me is that I seduced him.

Sometimes your reputation is all you have. And it is so hard when you discover that other people can trash it so easily

jgnat

When I meet someone who has formed an opinion on me based only on hearsay, my opinion of them drops precipitously. I work very hard at ignoring the whispers of others and form my own opinion based on my direct interactions with people. I have given many, many employees a second chance. Most of them grow on to prove their naysayers wrong.

Only shallow and weak people depend on the opinions of others to decide who is worthy of their association.

serendipity

I used to carefully guard my reputation as a goody-goody, because I didn't want to bring reproach on Jehovah. What I found out, is that my JW peers were suspicious and guarded around me. Of course, "worldly" people thought I was a religious fanatic.

I quit being so concerned about being "perfect" and started to share my foibles more, and found that I had a much better reception from 'worldly' people. Most JW's shy away from my honesty, but that's ok- though there are a few that are drawn to me for it.

I guard my reputation at work and am not forthcoming with my weaknesses, because in a corporate environment where downsizing is the norm, that could be dangerous.

anewme

Your reputation starts anew with the next person. That is how it is supposed to be. But with malicious gossipers starting over can be tough.

I agree with the Bible when it likens gossipers to murderers. Gossipers rob,murder and ruin the reputation of others. That is very serious.

Anewme

Ms. Whip

Isolated/closed minded (which would be the majority) witnesses think that everyone who "leaves Jehovah" sinks into the depraved sins of the world. It's their conditioning. Any sick analogy may be brought to their mind. "Dogs returning to their vomit" "animalistic practices" "low sink of debauchery" "desires of fallen flesh" "unclean fleshly desires" 'blasphemy against the holy spirit'

But it seems that in the absence of any factual information the JWs do what they usually do and make up things we must have been DFed for.

This is the absolute truth. Witnesses will always judge you guilty even if the only evidence is you stopped attending meetings.

The best thing to do is disfellowship the witnesses for their unloving, unkind, unjust and completely brainwashed way of thinking. Do not waste your energy on worrying what they think about you. Consider the case closed and move on.

If they really think all those depraved things about you, even after knowing you for years...then they are not friends, nor were they ever. They are not worth your time.

Hold your head up and make new friends. Friends who do not hold you under the microscope of the Watchtower's warped viewpoint.

candidlynuts

gossip is alive and well in jw'land!

after i left my husband, he had me against a wall with his hand at my throat demanding i make him " scriptually free'

so i did..i was out with friends, one of them had just been betrayed by his wife of 23 yrs and we ended up comforting each other..so i had a one night stand.. told him, told the elders..explained that it wasnt what i set out to do.. explained how the ex was demanding scriptual freedom (the elders themselves heard him say i'd be replaced in 2 weeks) i was put on public reproof which drove and still drives my ex nuts because i'm not df'd.

so i get the divorce.. move away.. havent had sex since 2001...recently talked to a cousin of mine and evidently i'm a whore and i sleep with men and women and i chose an immoral sex life over Jehovah.

HUH? i left a dictator who liked to see me bounce off of walls!

i find it disturbing that people that have known me all my life would believe that bullcrap. but its their choice.. i know who i am and what i do and they're not invited into my bedroom to watch anyway!!

mrsjones5

If they really think all those depraved things about you, even after knowing you for years...then they are not friends, nor were they ever. They are not worth your time.

It's really hard when it's your own parents who think that way about you. Yeah I drink a little (a smidgen would be more like it) and yeah I've had sex outside of marriage (now I do the reverse ) but I never just gone off the deep end. But my parents think otherwise. *shakes head* It's just crazy.

Josie

Twitch

Sometimes your reputation is all you have. And it is so hard when you discover that other people can trash it so easily

Very true. I've worked hard to have a good reputation at work and with my friends. Do the right thing.

I had a roommate last year who was a former bandmate and who was separating from his wife. He had stayed overnight a few times prior when there was trouble at the henhouse; I would never turn away anyone who was in a spot. To make a long story short, she trashed me and lied about stuff to our mutual friends, some of it very damaging. I had done nothing to her directly. I stood my ground and told her that I would see her in court if she didn't stop. I understand that I put myself in the position and that emotions were running wild there but it was very spiteful and vindictive. Those who knew me, knew what was happening and stood up for me. Those who didn't and took her side, well, too bad. I cut my losses with that crowd. Too bad some people don't care to hear both sides of a story. You have to protect yourself.

fullofdoubtnow

Sometimes your reputation is all you have. And it is so hard when you discover that other people can trash it so easily

That is so right. I remember when dedpoet da'd and was announced, the gossip started immediately. I knew why he'd da'd, he showed me a copy of the letter he sent to the elders, but that didn't stop them making all manner of accusations against him, although they had no proof whatsoever.

It was the same when I was announced. I was supposed to be sleeping with dedpoet and several other men, out getting drunk every night and living a generally debauched life. Again, the elders started this tittle - tattle, although they had no evidence to support it - the evidence didn't exist anyway. Now I am with dedpoet, I suppose they feel justified in starting the rumours, but the truth is we didn't get together until a few months after I'd da'd.

Arthur

Gossiping about inactive or DFd people is a favorite pass-time for JWs. I can say this with candor, because I myself, used to do this. It somehow provided a morbid sense of self-aggrandizement. However, the tables soon were turned. I myself, went through some personal crisis in my own life, which lead to misconduct, and was publicly reproved. I soon had a deeper appriciation and compssion for those who become inactive, get DFd, and so forth. Situations are rarely what they appear to be from the outside.

I guess that going through personal "hell" in my life beat some humility into me. Now, I feel deeply ashamed for the way I judged people and gossipped about them. I feel embarrassed that I was so narrow-minded, and sanctimonious. Now, when I am around JW family that begin to "dog" on various people who are DFd or inactive, I feel extremely uncomfortable. For those brief moments, I get a snap shot into my own past behavior; and it pains me.

Sometimes our reputation is the only thing we have

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