Sure-Fire Salvation
In Noah's time, God "regretted he made man, so he murdered the entire planet, save one drunk guy and his family. What kind of a God "regrets" his own handiwork and cannot find a better and more humane solution to rectify problems other than the very-human and simplistic solution to wipe them ALL out? I'll tell you: only a Hitler-God would do that. Don't spare ANY parents. Don't spare ANY children. Wipe them ALL out. All must be slaughtered. But yet, God LOVES you! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
I have to chuckle at the excuses people (and especially dubs) must invent to make God somehow look good given Bible stories like the Noah story. The dub excuse is, "Well, God will resurrect people he killed and give them another chance." Say WHAT? If they didn't merit life and another chance when God killed them, why would they merit life and another chance after God killed them? If they deserved life and another chance, why did God bother to kill them in the first place? Was that some sort of a God-way to put them "on hold" by temporarily getting them out of the way through death because God didn't have enough time or energy to fairly death with the problem once and for all the first time around?
If Hitler excused his own wholesale slaughter with that same argument, what person would buy it? Those in an insane asylum might buy it, but that's precisely why they are in an insane asylum in the first place.
Carrying this confusing notion of "kill first, show mercy later" even further, there is only one sure-fire solution available to dubbies to make sure "unbelieving" parents, spouses, family and friends get a reasonable and fair shot at eternal life: shoot them all NOW! That will do the trick! You won't have to hope and pray that unbelievers will die on their own before Armageddon wipes them out for eternity. NO! If you kill them now, they will face an almost-certain resurrection and an excellent chance for eternal lion-petting.
For those of you who don't understand this "logic," let me explain it for you. The WTS had to find a way to keep its membership in constant fear of losing their eternal salvation and at the same time, somehow give them comfort that people they loved who are now dead will get a chance at redemption. Even if such people who are dead were wicked during life, they would have another chance. The WTS did this by making up shit that stated at Armageddon, all those who were not just dubbies, but loyal and faithful (i.e. braindead) dubbies, would not only be killed by their God, but would never be resurrected and never have any sort of a chance to redeem themselves again. Ever. Any dubbie who fell short of WT standards and rules would also join all the other non-dubbies in an eternal dirt nap at Armageddon.
Do not worry that by killing all of your non-dub friends and relatives you will be punished yourself. Not at all. As a matter-of-fact, you will be following the "good" example set by your own God: kill now, sort-it-out later. You would be acting in the best interests of those you kill by providing them with a resurrection that will guarantee them one thousand years of peace and perfection without pesky old Satan screwing around with them. This will give them plenty of time and a fair chance to get their acts together and gain eternal life. Following my suggestion is a far less risky proposition than "hoping" they will change their ways and become dubs before Armageddon dooms them forever. Remember, God has already set that same example countless times in the past and everything that God does is "good."
So, let the shooting of your unbelieving loved ones begin! Better yet, since even dubbies aren't assured of salvation at Armageddon, you dubbies better start shooting each other, too! And the sooner the better! Armageddon could come tomorrow, you know! The scriptures aren't clear how God views suicide, but the scriptures ARE clear (according to the WTS) that murdering someone is no big deal ressurection-wise. The dubious consequences of suicide being the case, you dubbies should not take your own lives, but should take someone else's life. I suggest you all get guns and assemble together in pairs. The members of each pair would shoot each other at the same time. Don't miss, either! Before this happens though, dubs should make sure there is an EVEN number of dubs in the world. It would suck to be the last dub alive and have no other dub left to kill you. In the case of an odd number of dubs, kill a dub and THEN get together in twos and finish the job.
There is one major drawback to my sure-fire salvation solution, though. It's not that salvation wouldn't pretty much be a cinch. It would. No. It has to do with the Watchtower doctrine known as the "No Nookie" RULE. People who get resurrected never get to have nookie again. Never. For all of eternity. But the dubbies who march through Armageddon will get to have all the nookie they can handle forever and ever. The WTS has stated that the "No Nookie CLASS" won't have any desire for nookie, so it won't be a problem; but they've also stated that all those who are resurrected will return with all their memories intact. So, although they won't be able to have nookie, they sure in the heck will remember how fun it was to have nookie. I've talked with many old people who've lost their desire for nookie but dearly wished they had it back again. Sadly, the resurrected ones will remain nookie-less for all of eternity, while the "Nookie CLASS" will be screwing their brains out for all of eternity. Even very young children who are resurrected will never be able to have children after they are resurrected. It may sound unfair, but most "Bible-Based" shit is unfair don't you know?
On the other hand, and based upon my own experience, there are many Watchtower wives who would be happy to get shot right now: contentedly knowing they would not only be resurrected, but would never have to be in the position of ever having nookie again! These are the WT women who have this uncanny ability to turn their entire bodies into a plank of solid maple during sex. You know the kind I'm talking about.
Other than that, happy shooting, dear dubbies! Praise Jah for the example He's set for us and the loving and merciful provision He's provided for us in the nookie-less resurrection!
Hey! It beats selling Watchtowers now and being in constant doubt about making it through Armageddon, doesn't it?
Think about this "logic" the next time a dub wife loses her beloved unbelieving husband and is happy he died before Armageddon because she believes she will soon be with him again after the resurrection.
Lastly, dubs often try to weasal out of these WT teachings when confronted with them (especially about who will be killed at Armageddon). They will say, "We don't judge. Only God can read our hearts." It may be true that only God can read hearts, but it is also true that only dubs read the Watchtower.
Farkel, Watchtower-Based(tm) CLASS