I am a transplant to the southern U.S. by way of my late husband's job. Yes, my 2nd husband passed away suddenly. Thinking of moving back north. No more ties here. Wish the real estate market was better...would help with the disappearing thing too. Just glad I live out of the territory of my old congregation!! Fortunately my parents passed on good genetics so not only do I not feel 40, I don't look it either. Still doesn't erase the fact of the number though. And ur right PaintedToeNail...can't dwell on what I can't change. Leaving was actually what I needed to get OFF the Prozac.
joyfulfader
JoinedPosts by joyfulfader
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101
New girl in town here for support
by joyfulfader inhi everyone here on jwn.
i admit to being a lurker for quite some time before joining and now i am ready to post and i want to introduce myself.
i am/was 3rd generation and daughter of the po (as it was termed at the time) for most of my life.
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101
New girl in town here for support
by joyfulfader inhi everyone here on jwn.
i admit to being a lurker for quite some time before joining and now i am ready to post and i want to introduce myself.
i am/was 3rd generation and daughter of the po (as it was termed at the time) for most of my life.
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joyfulfader
Thanks for the welcome. I wish I could write it all down but no one including me would have the time to take it all in. I was always the dutiful daughter. The one who pioneered, told on myself, cried at every baptism talk...married the MS/pioneer and actually never went past 1st base before marriage at 21. Fast forward to husband elder and new baby. Hubby decides he has had enough religion, enough marriage and enough parenthood and leaves to live with one of his girlfriends giving up all custody. 2 yrs later I am engaged to be remarried and it is brought to the attention of the elders that no one has actually SEEN my ex husband enter a house with a woman and come out the next day. I was told that 2 elders were going to meet with me to sort things out. I walked into the KH and was ambushed by a JC and was disfellowshipped on the spot. Thought about appealing since it was baseless but the ingrained notion that they were all powerful kept me from doing so. My baptized fiance still married me because he knew the truth but it took 3 yrs to get the proof to be exonerated and even then I was accused of forging the proof. And I still went back...WHY???? That was only the beginning. It only got worse. Fortunately I am very resilient and each event made me more determined to be able to take care of myself. The final straw came many years later and last year I walked out of the house of hypocrisy for the last time. It is the events surrounding that final straw that I am struggling with and its those events that hit me out of the blue sometimes and I feel so much anger and resentment. I am working on that :) btw...I am at work (I did go to college finally and have a good career) and my iPad refuses to make paragraphs. Sorry for the bunched up sentences.
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101
New girl in town here for support
by joyfulfader inhi everyone here on jwn.
i admit to being a lurker for quite some time before joining and now i am ready to post and i want to introduce myself.
i am/was 3rd generation and daughter of the po (as it was termed at the time) for most of my life.
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joyfulfader
Hi everyone here on JWN. I admit to being a lurker for quite some time before joining and now I am ready to post and i want to introduce myself. I am/was 3rd generation and daughter of the PO (as it was termed at the time) for most of my life. I had doubts for a long time for oh so many reasons and last year after an unbelievably distressing situation (JW related) left me with PTSD, I walked out of the KH and never went back much to the chagrin of my parents. I wish that at 40 yrs old I would be allowed to make decisions for myself and not be held hostage emotionally because I was baptized when I was considered too young to even date (baptism is considered a more important event than marriage ya know...) My story is a long, intricate chain of events that would rival a soap opera and I am just starting the acclimation process. The choice to never go back gave me a huge sense of relief but now I have the regret of not doing it sooner and that my life is half over. Trying to readjust that feeling of a wasted life to one of rebirth at 40. This is my start :)
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DO THREE ELDER'S MEAN IT IS JUDICIAL?!?
by DATA-DOG ini have a friend who met with a couple of elders recently and i was told things went well, no issues.
well a couple weeks later they stopped by my friends place, ( just to say hi ) right before they left they said, " hey can we meet again?
my friend said, " sure ".
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joyfulfader
So from that experience alone, 3 elders is never just a visit. There is a specific agenda. Coming to the realization that they are just men and I do not have to answer to them was both exhilarating and devastating since I spent my whole life panicking that I might do something to warrant a trip to the back room and I wasted sooooo much time doing such. Then ended up being sent to my own room instead. Comical in a very twisted way.
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47
DO THREE ELDER'S MEAN IT IS JUDICIAL?!?
by DATA-DOG ini have a friend who met with a couple of elders recently and i was told things went well, no issues.
well a couple weeks later they stopped by my friends place, ( just to say hi ) right before they left they said, " hey can we meet again?
my friend said, " sure ".
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joyfulfader
I know my situation is unusual. This happened approximately 2 yrs ago. I ended up privately reproved so I didn't appeal anything. The politics involved and the ensuing very public arguments held in the KH during the comments on the bible reading from the opposing sides of the elder body would make one cringe.
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DO THREE ELDER'S MEAN IT IS JUDICIAL?!?
by DATA-DOG ini have a friend who met with a couple of elders recently and i was told things went well, no issues.
well a couple weeks later they stopped by my friends place, ( just to say hi ) right before they left they said, " hey can we meet again?
my friend said, " sure ".
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joyfulfader
I actually had a judicial committee come to my house and when they were making their decision, they sent me to my bedroom and told me to turn on the tv so I couldnt hear the discussion. Was very interesting...to say the least.
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Do you believe in Love?
by freeflyingfaerie inmaybe you are an atheist.. maybe you are agnostic.. you have left a cult, left behind an entire belief system, complete with detailed instructions on how to live..rules to follow for every aspect of your very life.
you know it was a big lie.. you are now naked, staring at your soul.
just you, just your own thoughts, just your own voice, your own feelings.
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joyfulfader
I cant believe how that simple question hit me. And the answers. And the poems. I don't think I know what real love is after being subjected to a facade for so long....
I hope the scars will soften as time passes for any and everyone who has them.
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26
The Fear of Regret & Apostasy
by Emery infirst off a big thanks to everyone here, you have received me with much love and support.
i appreciate all that have contributed their time and hardwork over the years here at jwn.. this post here is directed to those who are on the fence like i was.
i hope this helps you in some way to understand both the doubts and indoctrination.. i am also currently an active jehovahs witness and have been for almost 20 years (26 years old).
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joyfulfader
This is my first time actually posting. While I dont have any great words of wisdom, i am encouraged by the experiences of those who have been able to find the inner fortitude to question the internal branding most of us received as JW's and make the arduous journey to finding a real basis for faith. I must say that as i read some responses to Emery's personal story i am saddened that there are some who still want to tear down rather than build up. We all have to find our own way to God and our spirituality has to evolve as we examine our former beliefs vs. the beliefs of others vs. reality. How we choose to do that self discovery is personal and a judgemental attitude only perpetuates the narrowmindedness that those of us born-in endured our whole lives and continue to endure as we endeavor to extricate ourselves from the web of guilt and fear.
I have not been to a meeting in approximately a year and no longer profess to be a witness. I am on my own spiritual journey and yes, i feel regret for not doing this sooner. I just turned 40 and cant believe i wasted so many years as a reg pioneer and active witness. I was the one who always told on myself. Was disfellowshipped twice (the first time was wrongly and that was unbelievably painful) and i kept coming back. I want to apologize to everyone I ever visited. I am trying to work through the regret of lost time but I dont regret deciding it is all a lie. I would love to put in a letter to disassociate but I am very close to my active parents. My sisters and I have all faded and we just do our thing. the letter would be a cathartic thing but the repercussions are too great for me and my child. I am actively searching for answers in every way I know how.
Thank you Emery for your perspective and good luck on your quest :)
I am looking forward to participating in discussions on this forum now that I no longer fear the wrath of God for associating with the "mentally diseased" (hate that term!!!!)
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Perhaps the cruelest lie of all: resurrection of your loved ones
by King Solomon inof all the lies espoused by the wtbts, perhaps the most seductive, most cruel and downright evil, is to tell grieving people that their loved ones will be resurrected, and will rejoin them in a paradise earth, forever and ever.
of course, the easiest lie to be accepted is one that people want to believe.. but taking someone when they are at their weakest, their most vulnerable, and offering such a false hope is far more cruel than anything contained even in account of the first sin, with the serpent tempting eve with the forbidden fruit.
that was simply the serpent mucking up the divine plan by appealing to her ego: no harm, no foul.
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Not Getting Over It! Ex-JWs Face Residual Psychological, Physical Damage
by TMS inthis is not an essay or "my story".
these are just a few personal observations from someone who lived, breathed and.
slept the jw religion for over 50 years.
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