Last year I celebrated christmas with my parents. This was my first and last year as a JW. They are not Jw's and never have been. christmas has always been a very emotional time for my family. They are somewhat poor people, and they always prided themselves on giving us kids the best christmas that they could. Although I did exchange gifts with my parents, I was not there on christmas morning. I wish I had been, but my fear of being looked down upon in the cong. and fired (my boss was and elder in my cong.)caused me to stay away. This is the worst thing I could have done. I wanted to be there so bad christmas morning. I celebrated 21 christmas mornings with my parents, and the 22 one I missed. For what? The fear of reprisal from a religious group. How stupid could I have been. I see the pain that I caused my parents. They could care less about the gifts that I gave....sure they were appreciative....but they just wanted their son there christmas morning like he had been for the previous 21 years. That would have been the best gift in the world. I feel so much anger, pain, sorrow......I should have listened to my heart and gone. My parents taught me so much growing up. I have a lot of respect for them, and I know I let them down. That hurts. But I have learned a lesson. I will do what I believe to be right, not what someone else tells me is right. You do what you want, what you feel is right for yourself. You see, I hurt my parents bad that day, but I hurt myself worse. I have thrown the religious aspect of the holidays aside for now, all they are to me is a time for family and friends to be together. If someone else doesn't like that....oh well.