My daughter and her grandparents

by kwintestal 38 Replies latest jw experiences

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  PointBlank

  Kwin, as most parents know, children can be exceptionally intuitive. Especially around the age you're talking about. Unfortunately they get caught in the middle of a game of tug-of-war (which in reality is a battle). The sad thing is that everybody loses something. The good news is that your daughter will still grow to be a well-adjusted individual despite the WTS and their delusionally trained leaders and followers.

  My children were in that same age range when I started having doubts. I felt that I had left them in a spiritual limbo because I really didn't know WHAT to teach them. They were in their mid teens when I finally made the break (formally). Through it all they watched my behavior and the behavior/reactions of those (including family) that had previously declared their 'christian' love. Although it was ME that rejected that religion, my children also paid the price. Early on it became evident by the JW 'christian' response that their behavior wasn't 'christian' in shape, fashion or form. It is claimed that the JW manner of chastisement (shunning) is in actuality 'tough love' designed to bring erring ones back into the fold. From my perspective, it had the direct opposite affect. My children are now in their mid 20's, and they tell me that the JW's they run into are a bunch of 'loons'. They want absolutely nothing to do with them. I do wish their opinion of the JW's included understanding and compassion. And that might come with time. But for right now, I'm just thankful that the WTS didn't have the power to dig their clutches into my children's fragile young minds and hearts. And with absolutely NO help from the WTS, they are just fine. Thank God.

  Now, I am the 'nana'. And I'm happy to say that the relationships with my grandchildren are based solely in love, not on what a bunch of psuedo-christian control freaks demand. There's great wisdom in learning the art of give and take. The JW's should be hard pressed to learn of it.

  Smother your daughter with love, acceptance and understanding. After all, those qualities may be forever lacking from the JW direction.
• 

  damselfly

  After the call though, my daughter was quite upset. She cried for almost an hour because my parents refused to come visit her. Now, for the past day or so, she talks about calling them back and telling them that "Jesus ate with sinners" even though she knows we did nothing wrong, but just to hopefully make them see that even if we were doing something wrong, they could eat with us and see us.

  That's so sad Kwin

  She's a smart and sensitive kid, at least she doesn't feel that it was something you or her did to make your parents act this way. So sorry.

  Dams
• 

  outoftheorg

  Yeah defd, follow the wbts instructions.

  Smother the kids with love and treat the childrens parents like they are the most evil people in town.

  That is just what a family needs. A well thought out line of conduct that should split the family apart.

  At the very least cause a heavy load of emotional confusion in the children.

  Anyone that would follow that line of thought as grand parents ought to be totally out of the families experiences and deserve to experience the same treatment that they give to their own children.

  Defd you seem to be a kind person, but you need to give this problem some thoughts OUTSIDE of what the wbts tells you to believe and to put into practice.

  Outoftheorg
• 

  jgnat

  Defd, do you have the CD? It might be helpful to pull up the relevant WT articles for Kwin so that he can show the grandparents that visiting the grandchildren is not opposing the Slave. I am sure Kwin will be happy to report back on it's success or failure.

  Kwin, children grieve differently than adults. Theirs is a black-and-white world and since somebody has to have screwed up for something this terrible to happen, they usually assume it's them. What your girl is going through is very similar to what she would experience if you went through a divorce. She has to be reassured, even if she isn't saying it, that none of this is her fault. Her world has been rocked. Reassure her that you will always be there for her. Here's a document that I reccommend often. If it helps, let me know.
• 

  Ingenuous

  kwin - as has already been said, it sounds like you've got a great kid: smart and sensitive. Both can be a trial whilst growing up among peers who are a lot less sensitive - much less dealing with family members of that ilk.

  it is only within my doors that they are permitted to see the kids. Last time the kids were at their place, they ended up having a "bible study" with the kids getting from it, "People who aren't JW's are going to be fed to lions." I don't want this confusion in the kids lives.

  This sounds like a good idea. I wonder if a visit from her grandparents, though, would create more emotional tension and strain than them not coming at all. Knowing how they feel about you and your wife and their illogical reasoning/behavior, there may be the potential for more strife and unhappiness for your daughter.

  But, you know better than all of us. From what I've read, you've handled the situation wonderfully so far, and I'm sure you'll find the best way for yourself and your family.
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  arwen

  Kwin; I have been reading the posts and trying to find the words to say....after meeting you little girl i know she is so innocent in all this but it will be your parents who will lose out on the precious gift of grandchildren and they will suffer but we all know they only have themselves and the WBTS to blame. You are no disfellowshiped now so why not suggest lunch with you and the kids? I don't know, I guess I am grasping at straws trying to think of something rational. You guys are great parents and I know you will make up for anything they are missing in the way of love and attention....Hugs to the kids from the swimming pool lady!! and my love to you and J too.
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  kwintestal

  After much discussion, Mrs Kwin and I decided to take our kids to counsilling. We have the initial visit Saturday morning and work out an action plan. We think it's the best course of action for right now.

  Kwin
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  outoftheorg

  Kwin I think you are taking the right steps in the right direction.

  Find a counselor that does understand your situation and also understands children.

  This situation, "created by the wbts" delivers a lot of emotional strain on EVERYONE involved, but even more so on the children who at a young age are forming and growing their emotional and mental guidelines and beliefs and feelings.

  The last thing they need at this age is convoluted behaviour in an important "to them" part of their family. Their grand parents.

  Outoftheorg
• 

  HappyDad

  Kwin,

  I thought you were "undisfellowshipped." Or did I miss a thread somewhere? If you are not df'd, then your parents should have no problem visiting their grandchild. Unless the fact that your wife is df'd is their reason..........a poor reason at that!

  HappyDad