Met my first Elder after diassociation

by aud8 18 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Nathan Natas
    Nathan Natas

    One thing I've noticed is that invariably the DF'd person "plays along" with this mean game.

    Here's an idea: REFUSE to give them power in your life!

    When you run into ol' brother Puffy Pride at the local bar, greet him loudly and warmly!

    "Puffy! You always could drink Judge Rutherford under the table! How's it hanging, BROTHER? Hey, you still have a problem with child molesters in your congregation? Hey, Puffy, where you running off to? Let's talk about TRUTH and RIGHTEOUSNESS..."

    ...you get the idea... Give them an opportunity to demonstrate their superiority in public.

    they'll thank you for it.

  • Escargot
    Escargot

    I have been dissociated for a year now. It was real hard at first seeing fellow elders that I served with just ignore me. Brother Raymond Franz called this type of people “institutional friends.” Ray was right. His second book, In Search of Christian Freedom, encouraged me to carry on, the last chapter was great....

  • alliwannadoislive
    alliwannadoislive

    oh my ... this is making me feel less like i can DA and just carry on 'falling away' ...

  • ReverendRoy
    ReverendRoy

    Hi aud8,
    I can certainly relate, my older brother is an elder and my brother-in-law, they avoid me at all costs. The other elders have even look me in the eye and not acknowledge me.

    Although this was hard for me at first, I have grown to understand that they know no better. They cannot see what they are doing and I try to understand and go on.

    I will sometimes go out of my way to say hello at times...just for fun

  • thinker
    thinker

    Hi Aud,
    You said:

    I had the most human reaction of recognising someone I knew and had to stop myself saying hi.

    Why are you following the rules of an organization that you no longer belong to? I asked my wife this same question not long after she DA'd. She now treats everyone the same, JW or not. Try being pleasant and see what happens. If they want to act like asses let it be their problem, not yours.

    thinker

  • thinker
    thinker

    Matt 5:47 And if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others? do not even the publicans so?

  • waiting
    waiting

    I'm a slow fade-a-way, so I don't have those experiences - yet.

    But my df'd nephew visited with his wife & son last week. We invited them over for pizza & beer & good visit. His pioneer mother hasn't spoken to me since, and my mother in law avoided me for a week. I thought they were shunning me but it's not.......

    My mother in law started speaking to me again this week. I think she was truly ashamed of her behavior towards her nephew & family. Not enough to change, but enough to be ashamed.

    If I *choose* to be da'd (when they arbitraily do this to me) - I'm going to wave and say a big hellllloooo! to every damn jw I see.

    Make them choose to be impolite, rude, bigots - in front of other people. Make them acknowledge their rudeness in front of people they're going to *visit* some day. It's not my sin - it's theirs.

    *Worldly* people have no idea how jw's treat those who leave or disagree with them. By making jw's show publically how they behave in secret, it might take the sting out of shunning a little. If nothing else, make the jw act out his bigotry in the open before all onlookers. It it's not a sin - then let them be proud of their rude behaviour.

    At least, that's what I *plan* on doing. Hindsight and never having gone through it - I can only hope that I won't just break down and cry.

    waiting

  • thinkers wife
    thinkers wife

    Aud,
    I believe I know how you feel. It is hard. And as Thinker mentioned above, I have had to experience this. Actually the elders and their wives started shunning me at the KH a couple of years before I da'ed myself. It was so very hurtful. And I couldn't understand it. Still don't.
    But like Thinker mentioned, I left because I didn't agree. I am not playing by their rules.
    Although to be honest there are some I want to avoid and do.
    TW

  • waiting
    waiting

    Hey TW,

    I didn't think about the "pre-shunning" that happens often. My husband & I had a really bad situation with the elders before actually leaving for a year previous to our fade-a-way.

    Yeah, there was shunning already in place for us - but not total. We knew the elders talked about us, because some of the locals would tell us. Just stupid gossip - but they had the authority to make it sound "elderly".

    As the old saying goes "With friends like these, who needs enemies?"

    waiting

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