To start my day with: as I was walking down the street towards hell the ASSembly, I went to cross halfway across the road when a cheese and cracker brother told me that I should "cross at the light so that others can see that Jehovah's people are law abiding citizens. I really wanted to stick my lapel badge up his ass sideways make a good impression so I waited until he was distracted by other jaywalkers and then dashed across the road complied with his suggestion.
Once in the building I managed to find a seat next to a guy who looked remarkably like Fat Bastard was a bit on the plump side. I put my dusty bible and songbook on the seat and then took off to find some place that sold coffee. The ga-ga music started at 9:30 and then some senile old fart spiritually mature elder opened with the stupiest most uplifting prayers I've ever heard.
Then we read from The Daily Planet Text. It was only 10 minutes but seeing as I was already going mental with boredom wanted to take notes, I counted how many times either word "obedient" or "obedience" was used. In the 10 minutes the text took, the word "obedient" or "obedience" was used 27 times. We were also asked "Do we obey the "suggestion" not to go out for lunch?" 3 times within 15 minutes. Apparently that wasn't enough cause I saw shitloads of disobedient a few Dubs in the mall during lunchtime on my way to go see War of the Worlds matinee. During this time, Fat Bastard stole my program when I was fast asleep I misplaced my program. I was looking and looking for it and I finally asked him if he had it. He said no he didn't. God damn liar.
Then they had those stupid illustrations of kids from the age of 9 - 16 and how they manage to keep up with their spirituality when there aren't enough freaking hours in the day in the face of peer pressure. They had one 17 year old talking to himself on stage debating on whether or not he should play basketball outside of school hours with worldly people. You got three guesses as to what his final decision was, and the first two don't count.
Then they gave the totally bizarre illustration: If there were no synogogues, mosques or churches, where would these people meet? Apparently they'd all simultaneously stop practicing their faiths immediately all over the world because they'd be too stupid to think of meeting elsewhere. The speaker then said "Jehovah's Witnesses don't have any of the above, yet they meet on a reguylar basis." I had been dozing off not been paying close attention and I wasn't sure if I heard that right. I thought 'WTF?? That's the stupidest thing I've heard so far today"
They had another goofball faithful brother also up there talking to himself, feeling really guilty because he stepped down as an MS to work alot of overtime at work.
After I came back from seeing War of the Worlds at lunchtime, I was utterly nauseated priviledged to hear the talk 'Be Obedient To Those Who Take the Lead."
Jesus paid an "unexpected, unverified and invisible visit" in 1918 to the Slave, presumably when they were in prison, to see if they were dispensing food at the proper time. We were told they were naturally without any evidence to back this shit up. We were also told that the Governing Body is "steering a ship with 6,000,000 passengers on board. Our survival depends on obeying the captain in everything, even if you've got a sneaking suspicion that you're on board the Titanic. We should never expose the Forgetful and Incontinent Slobber Class speak badly about the F&DSC, because that's the same as speaking badly about Jehovah. We should be quick to "obey the Slave as though our lives depend on it---which it does." We were also told that we should be grateful for all the crap that comes from the minds of senile old men in New York spiritual food the GB provides and that we "can't afford to be picky eaters----we have to eat everything."
I really needed a stiff drink by this point to leave for an appointment, and suddenly Fat Bastard the pleasantly plump brother next to me produced my program! He had "accidentally" put it in his bible........I really wanted to bitch-slap him for that thanked him and took the program back-----lying sack o' shit. How nice it is to see such honestly among Jehovah's people!
Surprisingly, there was no mention of 'postates or the Internet today!!!! Can't figure that one out!!